Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Sad and need to vent

I had ivf for the first time. I had 16 eggs, 9 fertilized and they put 2 embryos in me but the others didn't make it long enough to be frozen. I had my pregnancy test today and it was negative.  I can't believe after all of that that i still can't get pregnant! I've been trying for over 2 years now.  I am getting to the point where i feel so resentful of friends who are having children and baby birthdays and christening and ALWAYS talking about thier children.  I feel bad for feeling bad. I cry when i get home after any of these situations or if i get the most ANNOYING question of all--when are you 2 going to have children? Yuck! Sorry i am just really sad today and needed to vent.  So glad that this site is here.  Has this happened to anyone else? What do i have to look forward to now (next steps)?
12 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
sorry your test was negative.  i know it is hard!!!   they way i deal with it is i try to stay away from baby showers and things of that nature.  i just refuse to do that to my self.  i just send a gift or give a  gift later.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I didn't have IVF but IUI so maybe the timing on getting your period would be different? I'm not sure but of course after the two week wait I think my period usually landed about 16 days post IUI. I don't know if that helps but... I don't really think that it matters that it was your first attempt. I've been through four failed IUIs now and I have to say it's been absolutely devestating each and every single time. I cried just as hard my first time as the fourth (although not as long). I work for my father and I knew that I would have to tell him something even though I didn't want to. I just told him, look I'm 30, I have health problems, we need to have a child now if it's ever going to happen so I am going to a specialist. No specifics and I told him most of my monitoring will be in the early morning before work and I am going to try to make sure it interferes with work as little as possible but this is something I have to do and I will have to miss work occassionally. I know he's my dad but still, he can be a real pain sometimes but he's been really good about it. BYW, I'm not stable AT  ALL right now. I think that comes with the territory. Um yes, doctor, surge my hormones like crazy and tell me how I'm not supposed to unravel.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks again ladies. I am not proud of those feelings either and i am much more hopeful now. It was just a tough day as i see you have all had many of too. It was only my first time and i guess i just expected a different outcome.  I also have endometriosis so that is a factor and they said my tubes were fine but obviously not really.  To answer babywanteds question i am 31. It is a comfort to know taht you all understand but it is still really hard.  Does anyone know how long before i will get my period. I think that is going to be the hardest part for me.  After that i am determined to press on but until and during that i don't feel particularly stable-haha. Also--has anyone had to inform their boss about what they were doing because of appointments that interfered with work? Any suggestions on what to say? Good luck to you all.
Helpful - 0
631676 tn?1333718203
the only thing i can say is that we all feel this. i am not proud of it. all you can do is maybe let people close to you know you are trying so that they give you some space or at least know that it is a sensitive issue. we would all be so happy with a baby. and my single friends at 39 would be happy with just a man to share their day with. my friend has a baby and had two years of post partum and her dad is not involved with her son at all. everything looks glamorous from the outside when you really want it. especially a beautiful baby. we just need to keep going.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I truly understand. I am 30 and have dealing with PCOS for years and years now. Then last February I underwent a laproscopy and was diagnosed with endometriosis. I've gone through four failed IUI cycles and now after multiple tests showing that my tubes are open my doctor thinks that maybe IVF is the next step due to... you guessed it... a problem with my tubes. I'm like WTF. I can't afford IVF by the way. The worst part of it is that to add insult to injury each time I've gotten a negative test from these IUIs I've also gotten a period from hell which makes me very sick to the point of having to miss work, etc... It is very depressing especially when those less sensititve to our situations ask questions and open their mouths before thinking with their minds. I don't know what to tell you except that it's OK to cry, it's OK to be sad. You're in mourning and that's a very real thing. The only little piece of comfort that I might possibly be able to give you is something that was, in turn, passed on to me. My atheistic cousin said, "be calm, everything is as it should be." At first that didn't sound very comforting to me, more like a slap in the face. But it did help to remind me that God is in control. It'll get better because it has to. Right now I'm not a very good example of being calm and trust in God because I am depressed. I avoid the baby aisles in stores, I avert my eyes when I see families out with children, I have started avoiding people when I'm off work and try to be by myself. And I am fighting very hard not to be bitter. I'm a grown woman, married, and want a child that will be will taken care of and provided for. Why can I not have children but all of those horrific excuses of parents that are rampant, why can they? I don't know the answers to these questions but I am trying to accept it. I think really that's all we can do. I hope I've helped just a little.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi, Like fairy, I got my BFP on the second round.  So don't give up hope yet.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Do you mind if I ask how old are you?  I'm just turn to 39 this week, and going to get BFN tomorrow for my 4th IVF.  First cycle, we transfered 3 embryos, but after that, as long as they fertilized, we transfer them all (either 5 or 8 embryos).  On the second one I got early MC, and on the third one, I got ectopic pg.  You can ask him to transfer more next time.  Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks! I go to the doctor Thursday to find out what comes next.  Feeling better today. Thanks for giving me hope. Hopefully my 2nd time is the charm too. Best of luck!
Helpful - 0
539570 tn?1264696367
hope-  I am so sorry your test was negative. Don't lose hope it was only your first try, it took 2 cycles before I got my BFP. Best of luck to you .
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks! I know i'm being selfish--but only for today. Haha. I wish you lots of luck in your tries. Hopefully it will work out for all of us.  I meet w the doctor Thursday to come up w a plan.
Helpful - 0
215752 tn?1278004771
I know what you mean.I have been on your shoes 3 times with the ivf negative and also 3 m/c. And birthdays and christening and baby talking is not really making it easy. Everybody around me is pregnand or have babies and i have been trying for 5 years and only have dissapointments after dissappointments.Infertility is not the better fight and sometimes we cannot win. Just talk to your doctor and maybe he can have another approach next time.
Helpful - 0
405370 tn?1332206110
Aww.  I'm so sorry you are sad.  I understand how you are feeling, as do many of the women here.  It is a really hard thing to go through-this infertility stuff.  I'm sorry you had a negative test today.  It's okay to be sad and "mourn" during this time.  Will you be able to do IVF again?  My IVF did not work for me either.  We are thinking about doing it again if IUI doesn't work for us.  I'm sorry hun, I'm feeling for you today... ((((HUGS))))
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Fertility and Trying to Conceive Community

Top Trying to Conceive Answerers
5875562 tn?1410898886
miami, FL
4769306 tn?1568490209
NC
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Many couples are turning to acupuncture to treat infertility. But does it work? We take a closer look.
Does exercise really lower fertility? We take a look at 8 common myths about fertility.
Your guide to safely exercising throughout your 40 weeks.
Learn which foods aren't safe to eat when you're eating for two.
Is your biological clock sounding the alarm? Dr. Elaine Brown explains new advances in egg freezing.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.