Aa
donor eggs verses donor embryos
Hi ladies,
As many of you know, my DH and I are preparing to move forward with a fresh start w/donor eggs. My question is, I know that there are clinics that offer Donor Embryo's at a fraction of the cost. I know there is 1 person on here how is preggers by donor embryo's (but cannot find the post or remember who :o( ) So, I have decided to reach out to my MH friends and see what their experiences/thoughts are on Donor Eggs verses Donor Embryos. I would love to hear anything anyone thinks or has to say. I do know there is an Agency Snowflakes, but they are very expensive at around 28,000 just to adopt the embryos... and i know there is a couple of places in North Carolina that just charge the cost of the transfer, and the embryo adoption is free...
I am just weighing our options and want to keep an open mind. My DH has mentioned Adoption a couple of times, and I think he may be open to the embryo adoption idea.
thanks in advace for your answers!!
As many of you know, my DH and I are preparing to move forward with a fresh start w/donor eggs. My question is, I know that there are clinics that offer Donor Embryo's at a fraction of the cost. I know there is 1 person on here how is preggers by donor embryo's (but cannot find the post or remember who :o( ) So, I have decided to reach out to my MH friends and see what their experiences/thoughts are on Donor Eggs verses Donor Embryos. I would love to hear anything anyone thinks or has to say. I do know there is an Agency Snowflakes, but they are very expensive at around 28,000 just to adopt the embryos... and i know there is a couple of places in North Carolina that just charge the cost of the transfer, and the embryo adoption is free...
I am just weighing our options and want to keep an open mind. My DH has mentioned Adoption a couple of times, and I think he may be open to the embryo adoption idea.
thanks in advace for your answers!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
SO maybe the bottom line is, if we love our children with all we have, and show them right from wrong, wipe their tears when they cry, mend their hearts when they are broken, and get upset with them when they do wrong, that we have a great chance of having a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child. Especially if we keep the lines of communication open with them.
No matter if donor eggs, donor sperm, or donor embryo's are used, or how they were conceived either naturally, or by iui, or ivf. If we tell them they are loved everyday, and never take them for granted, or let them take us for granted, we have a wonderful chance of having children that can contribute to society, and not be depressed because of how they were conceived....
I have seen alot of kids who were conceived naturally, from "normal parents", that have tons of issues and aren't well adjusted. Some use drugs, drink to much, or are even in jail.
I personally think we ladies using donor eggs, donor sperm, or donor embryos have just as much chance of having loving, well adjusted children as anyone else does : )
Thanks ladies! You have showed me that I am right! No matter with pathy my DH and I take, I will just be happy to be a mom!!!!!!!!
xo,
Melissa
No matter if donor eggs, donor sperm, or donor embryo's are used, or how they were conceived either naturally, or by iui, or ivf. If we tell them they are loved everyday, and never take them for granted, or let them take us for granted, we have a wonderful chance of having children that can contribute to society, and not be depressed because of how they were conceived....
I have seen alot of kids who were conceived naturally, from "normal parents", that have tons of issues and aren't well adjusted. Some use drugs, drink to much, or are even in jail.
I personally think we ladies using donor eggs, donor sperm, or donor embryos have just as much chance of having loving, well adjusted children as anyone else does : )
Thanks ladies! You have showed me that I am right! No matter with pathy my DH and I take, I will just be happy to be a mom!!!!!!!!
xo,
Melissa
I am currently 32 weeks pregnant from a donor egg (with DH sperm).
Regarding the issue of donor egg vs embryo:
Basically, we made the decision to proceed with a donor egg because our RE said my DH has great sperm, and there was no known diagnosis preventing me from carrying a pregnancy. With a donor egg, our insurance would cover the donor meds and egg retrieval, my meds and fresh transfer, and any meds and future frozen transfers. The only cost to us was the donor fee and cryo costs (if we got embryos to freeze). With a donor embryo, we'd have to cover a much larger cost. I agree in theory with the earlier person who posted that the decision to choose egg vs embryo should not be determined by cost; however, reality is such that cost is a big factor. We also examined which option would maximize our chances of success. Here, they seemed fairly equal, providing we chose high quality embryos to adopt or a donor likely to produce great eggs to yield high quality embryos. Given that the cost was less for an egg donor, and since we had no guarantees of success either way, we decided to pursue the less costly option. And then, if it didn't work, we would still have some money to pursue a more guaranteed outcome like adoption (child, not an embryo). Adoption was our last choice only because of time and age (we are in our forties and I was afraid that would deter a potential birth mom from choosing us).
Sooo...our next step was to choose a donor. As mentioned, we really wanted to maximize our chances of success, defined as achieving pregnancy, carrying to term and delivering a healthy baby. As such, we chose our donor based on the following attributes: first, we created a pool of donors matching our race and ethnicity; next, we eliminated anyone over the age of 23, since younger women are fertile with both more eggs and better quality eggs; then, we requested a donor with a history of at least one successful donation; and lastly, we narrowed down our list to women with a "clean" family medical history (ie, little to no diseases / conditions that are known to be inherited). Both DH and I agree that things like education and hobbies are more of a nurture issue than an inherited trait. And it's far more important to us for our baby to have a healthy, long life versus sharing my eye or hair color. These are personal choices; other couples may disagree, nothing wrong with that.
So although choosing a donor embryo might allow us to choose a high quality embryo, we felt our priorities were favorable toward getting a good donor egg that would also lead to healthy embryo. And, lucky for us, we got exactly that. With both our donor's eggs and my DH's sperm, we got 6 great blasts. We transferred 2 fresh and froze the remaining four. Long story short: I got pregnant with twins from the fresh transfer, but went into premature labor and lost our boys at 21 weeks; had a chemical pregnancy from the first FET; and am now 32 weeks pregnant from the second FET. We couldn't be happier, or luckier: our second FET used the last 2 blasts. It was our last shot, and thank God, it worked.
Regarding the issue of bonding with a "non-biological" baby:
I am carrying a baby right now. I feel him/her kick and punch every few hours; he/she would not survive another second without my blood, nutrients and oxygen. Sure, the baby was started using DH's sperm and an anonymous donor's egg. But it is my body that is allowing the baby to grow and survive, and (hopefully!) it will be my breast milk that feeds the baby every day. The bond I share with this baby is beyond belief and I never stop to think, "what if he/she doesn't share my hair texture or body shape?" I have many friends whose kids look like a distant cousin and neither parent, or resemble the dad but not the mom. But is that what makes a family, or a healthy / happy child, or a bond? I don't think so. My mom got divorced and remarried, and I share no genetic material with my stepfather. But I call him Dad and love him more than life itself. He has blue eyes; mine are brown. He has curly hair; my hair is straight. But we share the same facial expressions, mannerisms and body language. He taught me the importance of education and I now have an advanced graduate degree (whereas my biological mother never went to college). He taught me to love and respect animals and I could not imagine living without my beloved pets. Ask me about my biological father...and I couldn't even tell you where he lives now, since we grew apart sometime after his third or fourth marriage (LOL). Bonding and parenting goes way beyond DNA.
Regarding the earlier comment about donor egg babies having problems with how they were conceived:
Huh? All IVF babies (excluding IUI) are conceived in a petri dish. The idea of a "test tube baby" is not limited to donor eggs / embryos. IVF is so common these days, I don't think anyone can say they don't know at least one couple who conceived through IVF. I've never heard about a child having a problem with being conceived in a petri dish. (and actually, I remember being horrified when I learned my mother had...gulp...sex in order to conceive me. I would have preferred visualizing a petri dish, LOL). Yes, the idea of an anonymous donor requires careful thought and planning when preparing to tell a child. But closed adoptions are, in a sense, anonymous. And there are some single moms who cannot identify the biological father with complete certainty. Prior to enrolling in our RE's DE program, we were required (as per protocol) to meet with a clinical psychiatrist. And one of her discussions centered around disclosing to a DE child. I am happy to share what we learned, if anyone is interested. Suffice it to say, a DE child is at no developmental or emotional disadvantage based on how they were conceived or not knowing their donor's identity. We have our donor's medical history, which is all that is really needed, coupled with our parenting skills, honesty, unconditional love and nurturing. And sadly, there are many children that never get that much from their 100% biological parents.
Best of luck to all.
Regarding the issue of donor egg vs embryo:
Basically, we made the decision to proceed with a donor egg because our RE said my DH has great sperm, and there was no known diagnosis preventing me from carrying a pregnancy. With a donor egg, our insurance would cover the donor meds and egg retrieval, my meds and fresh transfer, and any meds and future frozen transfers. The only cost to us was the donor fee and cryo costs (if we got embryos to freeze). With a donor embryo, we'd have to cover a much larger cost. I agree in theory with the earlier person who posted that the decision to choose egg vs embryo should not be determined by cost; however, reality is such that cost is a big factor. We also examined which option would maximize our chances of success. Here, they seemed fairly equal, providing we chose high quality embryos to adopt or a donor likely to produce great eggs to yield high quality embryos. Given that the cost was less for an egg donor, and since we had no guarantees of success either way, we decided to pursue the less costly option. And then, if it didn't work, we would still have some money to pursue a more guaranteed outcome like adoption (child, not an embryo). Adoption was our last choice only because of time and age (we are in our forties and I was afraid that would deter a potential birth mom from choosing us).
Sooo...our next step was to choose a donor. As mentioned, we really wanted to maximize our chances of success, defined as achieving pregnancy, carrying to term and delivering a healthy baby. As such, we chose our donor based on the following attributes: first, we created a pool of donors matching our race and ethnicity; next, we eliminated anyone over the age of 23, since younger women are fertile with both more eggs and better quality eggs; then, we requested a donor with a history of at least one successful donation; and lastly, we narrowed down our list to women with a "clean" family medical history (ie, little to no diseases / conditions that are known to be inherited). Both DH and I agree that things like education and hobbies are more of a nurture issue than an inherited trait. And it's far more important to us for our baby to have a healthy, long life versus sharing my eye or hair color. These are personal choices; other couples may disagree, nothing wrong with that.
So although choosing a donor embryo might allow us to choose a high quality embryo, we felt our priorities were favorable toward getting a good donor egg that would also lead to healthy embryo. And, lucky for us, we got exactly that. With both our donor's eggs and my DH's sperm, we got 6 great blasts. We transferred 2 fresh and froze the remaining four. Long story short: I got pregnant with twins from the fresh transfer, but went into premature labor and lost our boys at 21 weeks; had a chemical pregnancy from the first FET; and am now 32 weeks pregnant from the second FET. We couldn't be happier, or luckier: our second FET used the last 2 blasts. It was our last shot, and thank God, it worked.
Regarding the issue of bonding with a "non-biological" baby:
I am carrying a baby right now. I feel him/her kick and punch every few hours; he/she would not survive another second without my blood, nutrients and oxygen. Sure, the baby was started using DH's sperm and an anonymous donor's egg. But it is my body that is allowing the baby to grow and survive, and (hopefully!) it will be my breast milk that feeds the baby every day. The bond I share with this baby is beyond belief and I never stop to think, "what if he/she doesn't share my hair texture or body shape?" I have many friends whose kids look like a distant cousin and neither parent, or resemble the dad but not the mom. But is that what makes a family, or a healthy / happy child, or a bond? I don't think so. My mom got divorced and remarried, and I share no genetic material with my stepfather. But I call him Dad and love him more than life itself. He has blue eyes; mine are brown. He has curly hair; my hair is straight. But we share the same facial expressions, mannerisms and body language. He taught me the importance of education and I now have an advanced graduate degree (whereas my biological mother never went to college). He taught me to love and respect animals and I could not imagine living without my beloved pets. Ask me about my biological father...and I couldn't even tell you where he lives now, since we grew apart sometime after his third or fourth marriage (LOL). Bonding and parenting goes way beyond DNA.
Regarding the earlier comment about donor egg babies having problems with how they were conceived:
Huh? All IVF babies (excluding IUI) are conceived in a petri dish. The idea of a "test tube baby" is not limited to donor eggs / embryos. IVF is so common these days, I don't think anyone can say they don't know at least one couple who conceived through IVF. I've never heard about a child having a problem with being conceived in a petri dish. (and actually, I remember being horrified when I learned my mother had...gulp...sex in order to conceive me. I would have preferred visualizing a petri dish, LOL). Yes, the idea of an anonymous donor requires careful thought and planning when preparing to tell a child. But closed adoptions are, in a sense, anonymous. And there are some single moms who cannot identify the biological father with complete certainty. Prior to enrolling in our RE's DE program, we were required (as per protocol) to meet with a clinical psychiatrist. And one of her discussions centered around disclosing to a DE child. I am happy to share what we learned, if anyone is interested. Suffice it to say, a DE child is at no developmental or emotional disadvantage based on how they were conceived or not knowing their donor's identity. We have our donor's medical history, which is all that is really needed, coupled with our parenting skills, honesty, unconditional love and nurturing. And sadly, there are many children that never get that much from their 100% biological parents.
Best of luck to all.
Hi, thanks for sharing your sister's adoption story! You dad sounds wonderful...I love how he cried and cried! Your parents were so lucky to have children so close in age, despite her trouble conceiving. It's interesting that you said what we're doing is like adoption; that's what my dad said, too. It's true; they're similar in a lot of ways. And, yes, when the baby is born, he/she WILL be my dh's child. In fact, I told him that when the baby is born he will love that baby so much just like it's his bio child, and he told me he already did! He rubs my belly and says, "goodnight little one," every night just like he did with our dh.
I told him mhv's adoption story on our walk tonight, which he of course liked to hear. But he's very cerebral/practical, and he said, "every child is different. A happy, well-adjusted child would probably be happy no matter what. A child with issues will probably blame/have anger toward the parents for something. So you just never know." Of course, this is the case regardless of how the child was conceived!
Good luck at your appointment on the 18th...I'll be looking for your updates and wishing you well!
I told him mhv's adoption story on our walk tonight, which he of course liked to hear. But he's very cerebral/practical, and he said, "every child is different. A happy, well-adjusted child would probably be happy no matter what. A child with issues will probably blame/have anger toward the parents for something. So you just never know." Of course, this is the case regardless of how the child was conceived!
Good luck at your appointment on the 18th...I'll be looking for your updates and wishing you well!
I think what you have done is a very wise choice & your DH should not feel shorted in anyway. I am not adopted although my sister is. She was adopted at 6 weeks from the same county from where we lived. My mom has such trouble conceiving so they decided to adopt. I was born shortly after she arrived so we are 14 months apart.
I can't tell you how often My Father would tell the story of the day they put my sister in his arms at the adoption place. They asked if he thought she was ok? Did he approve of her? He said he cried & said she was PERFECT!! I believe that was one of the best days of my Dad's life. Always remember anybody can be a "FATHER" but it takes somebody really special to be a "DAD" I understand that you are not officially adopting but in a way that is what you did. I think when that baby is born, IT will be his child!!!
I can't tell you how often My Father would tell the story of the day they put my sister in his arms at the adoption place. They asked if he thought she was ok? Did he approve of her? He said he cried & said she was PERFECT!! I believe that was one of the best days of my Dad's life. Always remember anybody can be a "FATHER" but it takes somebody really special to be a "DAD" I understand that you are not officially adopting but in a way that is what you did. I think when that baby is born, IT will be his child!!!
Got it!! It IS great to hear your perspective - a child's perspective! And I will DEFINITELY share your adoption story with my dh. He is definitely a little worried about the baby not feeling as connected to him since he's not the bio dad. (Actually we won't know for sure until we get baby's blood tested since dh and I ttc during our cycle month as well:). I will read your words verbatim to him so he really understands the perspective of a least one person who does not share her genetics with her parents! I'm sure you've thought of this over and over, but maybe your parents would be RELIEVED if you were to tell them you know and you could thank them for adopting you and loving you and you wouldn't want any other parents, etc. I am envisioning your family doing a group hug, in tears:) Maybe as they're getting older, they're wondering whether some day they SHOULD tell you anyway? Maybe the only reason they haven't told you is to protect YOU, so that you won't feel bad, etc. If it were me, I'd feel so relieved to find out my child was just as happy knowing!!
Regardless of who knows/doesn't know, it's a great story and sounds like you are a very lucky woman.
Again, best of luck. I look forward to happy updates in the future!
I am glad you have come to terms with your adoption. May be you tell your parents that you have got to know so that they will not carry that burden any more and they might be glad to know that you know. You might have already thought about all this. You really seem to be a caring person. I hope you you succeed in this journey. Good luck
I know-when I look at donors, I look at the ones that look like my husband or our 12 y/o daughter, not me.
Good luck with your next step, whatever you decide : )
Good luck with your next step, whatever you decide : )
COMMUNITY LEADER
I honestly don't think a connection is make through genetics... My mom held me when I was sick (and slept in my bed : ) ) she held me when a boy broke my heart, and wiped away my tears... that's what a mom does... it doesn't matter that I am not genetically "hers" she is my MOM! So, don't you worry about that! : ) I do know what you are saying about having your husbands charactoristics though... I would love that! And the funny thing? When I have been looking at donors... I often pick the blonde hair blue eyes donors. That is my hubands characteristics... not mine. I don't know why? But I do.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thought I'd answer you both together.
Waiting.. I had 2 RE's tell me that my donor eggs weren't viable. They think the RE went for quantity, not quality. I never got to do a fresh cycle, it was cancelled because of a thin lining. I have done 4 frozen cycles. The first 1 ended in a m/c, and the other 3 were bfn. But the new RE thinks if we do a Fresh round, it would be very hopeful. BUT, I still am sending my records to the Best Asherman's surgeon in the world, to have him look over and maybe even go to see, to make sure I can even carry a baby. All 3 RE's think my "baby carrier" is fine... but I have to make sure before I put anymore $ into this.
Red... Yep, that's pretty much how I feel... I think some RE's just don't know what they are doing sometimes!!! I had a perfectly good, known donor, who has a child of her own, and the RE messed up the eggs by "cooking" them to long... What a mess. The donor embryos are from families who have already had kids from the embryos that are frozen. That shows that they are viable and ready to be used.
Are you going to try a refund program if this doesn't work? Or a new Clinic??? (I am praying you don't even have to think about that! I pray that you are BFP!!!)
Waiting.. I had 2 RE's tell me that my donor eggs weren't viable. They think the RE went for quantity, not quality. I never got to do a fresh cycle, it was cancelled because of a thin lining. I have done 4 frozen cycles. The first 1 ended in a m/c, and the other 3 were bfn. But the new RE thinks if we do a Fresh round, it would be very hopeful. BUT, I still am sending my records to the Best Asherman's surgeon in the world, to have him look over and maybe even go to see, to make sure I can even carry a baby. All 3 RE's think my "baby carrier" is fine... but I have to make sure before I put anymore $ into this.
Red... Yep, that's pretty much how I feel... I think some RE's just don't know what they are doing sometimes!!! I had a perfectly good, known donor, who has a child of her own, and the RE messed up the eggs by "cooking" them to long... What a mess. The donor embryos are from families who have already had kids from the embryos that are frozen. That shows that they are viable and ready to be used.
Are you going to try a refund program if this doesn't work? Or a new Clinic??? (I am praying you don't even have to think about that! I pray that you are BFP!!!)
COMMUNITY LEADER
What a Wonderful Story! I wish my parents would feel safe enough to tell me! What a wonderful day that would be! I love this story! I would tell my child from an early age that we had help conceiving... that way, I would not put the burden on anyone else, or make anyone else feel that they were "keeping something" from my child. I will let my child be in control of who they tell and when. But, that's just me.
Give your Uncle and Cousin both a hug from me! They deserve it! : )
Give your Uncle and Cousin both a hug from me! They deserve it! : )
COMMUNITY LEADER
I love your breakdown! That was Wondefully put! You did spend a lot of time thinking about it huh??? I will read your post over and over again... it makes so much sense!!!!
Thanks for sharing!
xo,
Melissa
Thanks for sharing!
xo,
Melissa
COMMUNITY LEADER
OH NO! I didn't think you were regretting it... I just wanted to you feel more at ease about the way the child would feel from my prospective!!! : ) I wanted to ease your mind about how children felt when they were genetically their mom's/dad's. That we love you no matter what! YOU ARE OUR PARENTS! (if that makes sense??) I just want you to know that I didn't have any problems "connecting" with my parents (for lack of a better word). I think children are very resilant, and are just thankful to have love affection and a wonderful home.
I wish I, like you, would have been smart enough 10 years ago to freeze my embryos! What a wonderful thing that would have been! You were so smart : )
My parents are in their 70's now, and I guess if they would have wanted me to know they would have told me... so sad. The saddest thing is, I can't thank them for what a wonderful job they have done. The whole extended family has always known of course... my mom has 7 brothers and sisters, and all of their kids know... even younger then me... so it's just weird. But it is what it is, and it's my life. But, it is a good life.
I will keep you updated for sure! Don't know what road we are going to travel yet.... : )
xo,
Melissa
I wish I, like you, would have been smart enough 10 years ago to freeze my embryos! What a wonderful thing that would have been! You were so smart : )
My parents are in their 70's now, and I guess if they would have wanted me to know they would have told me... so sad. The saddest thing is, I can't thank them for what a wonderful job they have done. The whole extended family has always known of course... my mom has 7 brothers and sisters, and all of their kids know... even younger then me... so it's just weird. But it is what it is, and it's my life. But, it is a good life.
I will keep you updated for sure! Don't know what road we are going to travel yet.... : )
xo,
Melissa
Do you know that it's an embryo issue? Was just wondering, I know at one point we chatted a bit about the surrogate option...
My thoughts will be with you and hubby to find the best answer for you!!!
My thoughts will be with you and hubby to find the best answer for you!!!
Hi!
As you know, i'm doing donor eggs also..
Heres my take on things from a financial point..
If your going to do the 100% refund program with the donor eggs... thean thats what i personally would do...
Because at least then it will have some genetic link to your hubby.
BUT..if you're like me.. and have NO refund program... then i probably WOULD do the donor embryos... only because.. you never know what you'll get for eggs and embryos from an egg donor... (you could be like me and only get 2 good embryos and 1 crummy one..).. so its kinda a risky crap shoot.
And thats ALOT of money to waste on "what if"..
Where as..if you go the adopted embryo route.. you will already know how many embryos you will have and the quality of them...
So,.. kinda safer IMO...
BUT.. again.. i say.. if your going to do the 100% refund program with the donor eggs... then i would do that, because then you have nothing to lose...its guaranteed...
Also.. something else to think about.. the adopted embryos are NOT guaranteed... sooo.. thats something else to think about.
Just my opinion...
I'm already saving another $10grand for another donor, cause i dont think this one worked either...... *sigh*
As you know, i'm doing donor eggs also..
Heres my take on things from a financial point..
If your going to do the 100% refund program with the donor eggs... thean thats what i personally would do...
Because at least then it will have some genetic link to your hubby.
BUT..if you're like me.. and have NO refund program... then i probably WOULD do the donor embryos... only because.. you never know what you'll get for eggs and embryos from an egg donor... (you could be like me and only get 2 good embryos and 1 crummy one..).. so its kinda a risky crap shoot.
And thats ALOT of money to waste on "what if"..
Where as..if you go the adopted embryo route.. you will already know how many embryos you will have and the quality of them...
So,.. kinda safer IMO...
BUT.. again.. i say.. if your going to do the 100% refund program with the donor eggs... then i would do that, because then you have nothing to lose...its guaranteed...
Also.. something else to think about.. the adopted embryos are NOT guaranteed... sooo.. thats something else to think about.
Just my opinion...
I'm already saving another $10grand for another donor, cause i dont think this one worked either...... *sigh*
My cousin was born through the use of donor sperm. His mother's egg and an unknown donor's sperm, because my uncle was sterile. He was 32 when he found out...he looks incredibly like my uncle-they chose a very good donor based on my uncle's characteristics. My uncle ended up telling him, because as family secret's sometimes do, this one had started to leak out and they wanted my cousin to hear it from them. I remember that they both cried when he found out. My cousin said later that he cried because he knew his dad was worried it would change the way he felt about him as a father. He cried because he knew his dad was scared and hurting. He told his dad that day, that his dad was his dad, no two ways about it. He said how thankful he was that his parents made the decision to use donor sperm. He was nothing but gracious and thankful. It was a beautiful moment for them!
MVH- Oh, I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I regret the way my (unborn) child was conceived! There is NOTHING I regret about this baby!!!!! We feel SO incredibly blessed that I actually thought to freeze embryos at 38 years old and that, against all odds, I'm pregnant because of that action I took years ago! I knew then that I would love this baby no matter what, and my husband and I both still feel the same way.
I only was trying to communicate what I learned through research about how the CHILD might feel some day. We are going to do everything in our power, believe me, to make this child feel incredibly loved, wanted, blessed, and secure and happy, part of us, etc., and the only thing that scares me is that that this little person will ever feel anything other than happiness and security with how he/she was conceived. I've just read that sometimes children from donor eggs/sperm have issues related to their conception. It's a whole different ballpark and it might be hard for us to understand. So my point was just that we shouldn't consider what would make us, the parents, happy, but what is it going to be like for the child. I hope that's more clear!
What an incredible adoption story you shared. I wish you could somehow tell you parents that you know.. would you ever? We had been trying to adopt for nearly a year before getting pregnant. I think adoption is an incredible way to build a family but we couldn't count on it happening fast enough so we tried our frozen embryos. I also loved hearing that you say it's no big deal you were adopted - that's how we're hoping our child will feel some day!!!
I love your point about the embryos needing a home. I had often felt that about my frozen embryos..once I got married and got pregnant with my dd easily I never thought I'd end up using my frozen embryos and it kind of made me sad to think that they would never have a chance to be brought to life. So I can definitely understand your point about that.
Please keep me posted.
xoxo A
I only was trying to communicate what I learned through research about how the CHILD might feel some day. We are going to do everything in our power, believe me, to make this child feel incredibly loved, wanted, blessed, and secure and happy, part of us, etc., and the only thing that scares me is that that this little person will ever feel anything other than happiness and security with how he/she was conceived. I've just read that sometimes children from donor eggs/sperm have issues related to their conception. It's a whole different ballpark and it might be hard for us to understand. So my point was just that we shouldn't consider what would make us, the parents, happy, but what is it going to be like for the child. I hope that's more clear!
What an incredible adoption story you shared. I wish you could somehow tell you parents that you know.. would you ever? We had been trying to adopt for nearly a year before getting pregnant. I think adoption is an incredible way to build a family but we couldn't count on it happening fast enough so we tried our frozen embryos. I also loved hearing that you say it's no big deal you were adopted - that's how we're hoping our child will feel some day!!!
I love your point about the embryos needing a home. I had often felt that about my frozen embryos..once I got married and got pregnant with my dd easily I never thought I'd end up using my frozen embryos and it kind of made me sad to think that they would never have a chance to be brought to life. So I can definitely understand your point about that.
Please keep me posted.
xoxo A
Hi Chica.
Well I have had to boil this down to the basics to keep myself sane:
1) If you just want a kid in your family - adopt/foster parent
2) If you want a baby - any baby - adopt from outside the US
3) If you want to be pregnant/experience pregnancy and birth - adopt an embryo
4) If you want a baby that is genetically part of your spouse - could look like him, identify with him, maybe have his skills/talents/gifts - do egg donor. Same goes if you want siblings for that baby.
With every pregnancy, I imagined a baby that looked like DH. I never saw a little boy or girl with my eyes/my hair. I guess that is what love is. Wanting to make more of him in the world :)
Well I have had to boil this down to the basics to keep myself sane:
1) If you just want a kid in your family - adopt/foster parent
2) If you want a baby - any baby - adopt from outside the US
3) If you want to be pregnant/experience pregnancy and birth - adopt an embryo
4) If you want a baby that is genetically part of your spouse - could look like him, identify with him, maybe have his skills/talents/gifts - do egg donor. Same goes if you want siblings for that baby.
With every pregnancy, I imagined a baby that looked like DH. I never saw a little boy or girl with my eyes/my hair. I guess that is what love is. Wanting to make more of him in the world :)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thanks for your input! I have always "thought" I was adopted... can't explain that, other then I didn't really look like my parents, OH, and I found out at about 17 that I have a different blood type then both of my parents... BIG CLUE! ha! but, seriously, I just feel bad for them thinking it had to be such a big secret this whole time.
Anyway.... I have been thinking a little about adoption, and started thinking about donor embryos. I found some wonderful places that just charge the cost of the transfer. It's not really about the $, as we are also considering a donor egg program, I think with me, it's more about the time frame, and having the ability to love any child God see's fit to give me. Adoption is an issue because of my age... If I was younger, I would be more eager to jump on board... but with a 1 1/2-2 year wait, it seems as if my other options are a quicker answer. Maybe that's wrong???? But, seriously, I do believe my husband and I would love any child given to us.
Maybe I'm crazy??
Anyway.... I have been thinking a little about adoption, and started thinking about donor embryos. I found some wonderful places that just charge the cost of the transfer. It's not really about the $, as we are also considering a donor egg program, I think with me, it's more about the time frame, and having the ability to love any child God see's fit to give me. Adoption is an issue because of my age... If I was younger, I would be more eager to jump on board... but with a 1 1/2-2 year wait, it seems as if my other options are a quicker answer. Maybe that's wrong???? But, seriously, I do believe my husband and I would love any child given to us.
Maybe I'm crazy??
mhv- You must be feeling so different after you got to know you were sdopted and your adopted parents dont know that you know. I agree with you, your parents should have told you the truth.
I have heard of people getting their embryos destroyed or give it away for research. I am against all this as I feel its a life and there are so many women who can benefit from these embryos. It's individual thinking what and how they want to do. I am sure the hospital would definitely keep track of the health and origin if these embryos. Good luck!
I have heard of people getting their embryos destroyed or give it away for research. I am against all this as I feel its a life and there are so many women who can benefit from these embryos. It's individual thinking what and how they want to do. I am sure the hospital would definitely keep track of the health and origin if these embryos. Good luck!
COMMUNITY LEADER
That's for your thoughts... it's alot to think about for sure! I just want a happy, healthy, child : ) Like we all do : )
COMMUNITY LEADER
Alli,
I hope you never regret the way your child was concieived, I see what your saying, and as a sidenote, I am adopted myself. I am in my 40's and only had it confirmed a few years ago that I was adopted (I was 39). Also, my adoptive parents, to this day, do not know that I know I am adopted. I have found my birthmother and an aunt and cousin, but no absolutely nothing about my birth dad.
Having said that, I couldn't love my birth parents anymore then if they were mine. They are my parents!!!!! I have no issues with it at all... other then I wish my parents had told me since day 1 that I was adopted... I understand they were trying to "protect" me, but I just don't see the big deal. Now I have to keep this secret from them. Sad.
My hubby and I just got done using a known donor, unfortunately the most of the eggs weren't viable due to the RE "cooking" them too long. But, I can tell you as soon as the clinic called and told me how many embryo's we had... from that moment forward they became "mine", and I never had second thoughts. And I don't moving foward.
But, in all honestly, I also think donor embryos "need a home". To me, they are babies, and are either going to be frozen forever or destroyed.
That's why I am open to using donor embryos. I would tell my child from the age of probably 2 that mommy and daddy had help concieving them.... and would let them know how much more special they are too us by doing so. I would tell them more as they got older.
We know we at least have to use donor eggs... so, I keep thinking, why not "save a baby" from either being frozen forever or destroyed.
I hope you find peace with your decision. : )
I will think about what you have said... and I have thought about it alot already.
That's what I love about this forum... the help and advice each and every person brings.
xoxo,
M
I hope you never regret the way your child was concieived, I see what your saying, and as a sidenote, I am adopted myself. I am in my 40's and only had it confirmed a few years ago that I was adopted (I was 39). Also, my adoptive parents, to this day, do not know that I know I am adopted. I have found my birthmother and an aunt and cousin, but no absolutely nothing about my birth dad.
Having said that, I couldn't love my birth parents anymore then if they were mine. They are my parents!!!!! I have no issues with it at all... other then I wish my parents had told me since day 1 that I was adopted... I understand they were trying to "protect" me, but I just don't see the big deal. Now I have to keep this secret from them. Sad.
My hubby and I just got done using a known donor, unfortunately the most of the eggs weren't viable due to the RE "cooking" them too long. But, I can tell you as soon as the clinic called and told me how many embryo's we had... from that moment forward they became "mine", and I never had second thoughts. And I don't moving foward.
But, in all honestly, I also think donor embryos "need a home". To me, they are babies, and are either going to be frozen forever or destroyed.
That's why I am open to using donor embryos. I would tell my child from the age of probably 2 that mommy and daddy had help concieving them.... and would let them know how much more special they are too us by doing so. I would tell them more as they got older.
We know we at least have to use donor eggs... so, I keep thinking, why not "save a baby" from either being frozen forever or destroyed.
I hope you find peace with your decision. : )
I will think about what you have said... and I have thought about it alot already.
That's what I love about this forum... the help and advice each and every person brings.
xoxo,
M
Hi mhv,
You may know that I am pregnant now with my eggs plus donor sperm (I froze these embryos before I met my husband). Since we only had two embryos for the FET, the dr's only gave us a 20% chance of it working and we really didn't think it would. Well, lo and behold, I am now pregnant. We could not be happier, but I will say the reality of having the baby be part-donor is really settling in NOW. I started doing a ton of online research and to be honest it started bringing me down, so I'm not going to do it anymore!
But..my point is there's a lot to consider before going forward with something just based on cost. After reading everything I did, I am very glad that our baby is at least half of me. Donor sperm/egg is not the same as adoption - children don't necessarily feel the same as an adopted child who NEEDED a home; you are choosing to bring this child into the world, so you need to think about what is best for the child. Donor children struggle with not only how they were conceived (in a petri dish, not the natural way, etc. etc.) but also with the fact that they don't know who part of themselves is. At least if only one part of the child is donor, the child will know where the other part of their genes came from. Doing it all over again, I would've chosen a known donor, too, instead of an anonymous one. This is your child's LIFE that you are creating. I know we all know that, but it hits home a lot more when you're about to bring this life into the world. All we all want is for our children to be happy, secure people who have as much going for them as possible.
Good luck with your decision!
You may know that I am pregnant now with my eggs plus donor sperm (I froze these embryos before I met my husband). Since we only had two embryos for the FET, the dr's only gave us a 20% chance of it working and we really didn't think it would. Well, lo and behold, I am now pregnant. We could not be happier, but I will say the reality of having the baby be part-donor is really settling in NOW. I started doing a ton of online research and to be honest it started bringing me down, so I'm not going to do it anymore!
But..my point is there's a lot to consider before going forward with something just based on cost. After reading everything I did, I am very glad that our baby is at least half of me. Donor sperm/egg is not the same as adoption - children don't necessarily feel the same as an adopted child who NEEDED a home; you are choosing to bring this child into the world, so you need to think about what is best for the child. Donor children struggle with not only how they were conceived (in a petri dish, not the natural way, etc. etc.) but also with the fact that they don't know who part of themselves is. At least if only one part of the child is donor, the child will know where the other part of their genes came from. Doing it all over again, I would've chosen a known donor, too, instead of an anonymous one. This is your child's LIFE that you are creating. I know we all know that, but it hits home a lot more when you're about to bring this life into the world. All we all want is for our children to be happy, secure people who have as much going for them as possible.
Good luck with your decision!
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On one hand, adopting an embryo that would otherwise not have a shot at life is compelling. On the other, I would love to see my husband in a baby.
But with a donor egg sometimes I worry the child's attachment to me would be less than that with my husband.
There is alot to consider and no easy answers. But I am grateful we live now, when we have so many options, as opposed to in the past, when there wasn't much that could be done.
And of course we will love whatever baby comes into our lives : )