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664732 tn?1296823050

the "I am annoyed by this" thread

I know this doesn't really belong in here, but I feel like I have to get this off my chest.

I'm a bit annoyed by TTC, why you ask? Well, there is 1st the fact that MEN can produce a child at any time, any day, but we WOMEN can only conceive 2 days a month, 2 DAYS, that are 28 days in a year, the rest of the time is bleeding, hoping, crossing fingers and the worst thing EVER, waiting.

Something else that annoys me a bit are my friends or the people closest around me who conceive, and conceive, and conceive, and GET WHAT THEY WANT, while everyone else is trying, trying and losing their hope.

And PLEASE, what is with all the charting? BBT, TTC, CM, HPT, OPK - people, this is TOO MUCH, when did conceive a miracle of life become work? Oh, not to forget the DH, BF, Baby Daddy - or whatever you wanna call him, it's like they don't seem to understand sometimes how important it is to some, or ALL of us to receive such a gift.

One more - for those of you out there who have DH, BF and whoever, with already at least one other face to see themselves in, it's like my BF doesn't understand with his two sons that I kinda sometimes feel left out.

It's really good to get it out, anyone feels the same? I mean come on, let it out, grab a tissue. :)
61 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hello venting Ladies...
First, Let me tell you all I'm in the same boat. I'm 34, me and hubbs tried (if u can call it that...more like "didn't prevent" and tried to pay ATTN and track my window of opportunity and got advice from doctors, friends, you name it.) All the advice tells us the same thing...start having sex at the 10th day into cycle, and every day for the next 5 days. You ovulate at day 14, and sperm can live for up to 4 days inside you. So you're multiplying how many sperm will be there waiting at the egg before its released with each daily deposit.The deposits closer to ovulation are strong "back up soldiers" who are getting there when its released!  If the woman climaxes her chances go up for conceiving because it contracts and pushes the sperm farther inward towards the egg. OK, this hasn't worked for us, but it has for others! (The ! Is not because Im annoyed, but rather Im optimistic that its good advice but that we need more help). My girlfriend suggested wine...to relax me. I love wine, so no problemo!! We have not prevented for 6 years and have not conceived. He was supposed to fill a cup and get it analyzed, but didn't do it. I finally reached a breaking point of sanity...yes, sanity, when I told it to him straight! I said, "you say you want kids yet you wouldn't even go get checked out so you're not only putting your life on hold you're putting mine on hold for YEARS. I font have any more time for you to drag your feet, you either eant a family or you dont. We are not making any steps towards having children or advancing our lives & our family. I want children, I want a family and Im tired of my life being on hold because you're too (scared, or whatever...) to go take in your sprrm to be tested!" Eye opener for him,and it felt goof to tell him how I felt.  Guess what ladies, it took me almost leaving my marriage and telling him how it is for him to wake up and be a part of this marriage and advance our lives.  Guys don't get it, you have to be straight with them.  They don't think the same way we do, they're wired differently...thank God, because they level out our emotions. Take the emotion out of it and that's a man. Blavk & white, information based, they take exactly what you say and don't look for hidden meanings.  But they're turned off by erratic, emotional behaviors by women because they don't think that way and don't know how to handle it or react.  So, try to talk to him, not at him, and try to stick to the facts to help your man understand what you're feeling.

Next, Ladies, its not healthy for us to blame ourselves for not conceiving.  Its not your "fault", you are not a freak, you are not left out unless that's how you let yourself feel. We control our thoughts and can learn to control our emotions/feelings. When I stopped letting myself feel depressed every month I got my period after we tried and hoped we would get pregnant, I released the pressure I was putting on myself. That pressure and stress are not good physical conditions for conception (ahem, hence our friends and pharmacists telling us to RELAXXXX. :) ). Take the pressure off yourself, and let go of the bitterness you feel for everyone conceiving but you.  How would you feel if when YOU conceive and YOU'RE over the moon excited and want to tell your news that they weren't happy for you...that would take away from your moment right?! How do you think you are making your friends feel? That's why they don't want to tell you any more...because you have shown that the only one you'll be happy for is yourself when that day comes.  I don't mean to preach ladies, but try...please try to change how you think and try to be happy for others special moments.  Be genuinely happy for them, and don't make it about you because its not.  Its their moment, and they have a life too.  And, please don't think that others must "deserve" children and you don't because God hasn't blessed you yet.  That makes me so saddened to hear that.  God loves you, and our plans are not His plans. He has a plan for your life, and just because we desire it now does not make it happen any faster.  Things happen in His time, not ours.  These are just lessons I've learned in my process of not conceiving for the past 7 years.  I have come a long way, and I admit I used to feel the same way you do now...but, don't let it make you a bitter person or turn you into someone that people avoid. No one wants to be around and a negative person who is two faced...says they're happy for them with a fake smile, but resents them behind their back. I work with a friend who is like this, and she tells me that's how she feels...she will act happy and complain about every pregnancy she hears about!  Who would want to share their needs with someone like that?! Not me! Just be careful ladies, and don't lose hope.  I a so grateful for what God has given me, and I have a wonderful life.  I pray for children, and hope you will all have that blessing as well...but you have to ask Him instead of blaming Him, just sayin'! ;) I am thankful for the journey of not conceiving because it has helped me to be a more understanding person for others in my situation, and I'm thankful for growing through my understanding and learning the lessons I have.  We all have our own journeys, but what matters is how you treat others and how kind you are to yourself.  Maybe try apologizing to some of the friends you've hurt during to your bitterness...that is very healing! Blessings!!
Helpful - 0
8319766 tn?1417382036
I so know how you ladies feel...I just lost my baby to an ectopic in November and I know I needed to see the doc but the poking and tests and proding and scanning wore me out I was devastated when it happened and not that many people knew and every time I see a family member or friend they ask me when I'm going to have kids. Me and my husband been together since I was 18 it's been 10 yrs and we just now started trying for kids and I never knew how much work it would be. I'm tired of having to track everything and worrying about every cramp or twitch I feel. I'm over seeing everyone who really don't need kids having them. I'm fuckibg tired of bouncing from doctor to doctor because some don't want to really help you or answer your questions they just want your money and i'm sick of always having to make my husband have sex with me that one week a month I get to give us a higher chance of starting our family...i'm ******* sick of it all...thanks I feel so much better
Helpful - 0
1011421 tn?1287435087
i'm glad i found this tread. i have so much pent up frustration that i could scream.  i was actually pregnant last year after my first hybrid/iui cycle.  i was carring twins. i had been so over joyed that i told everyone i saw and when i found out that one was in my left tube i was so devistated.  after my emergency surgery i ended up losing the other child.  my heart felt like it was ripped out of my body.  i couldn't even look at a child (and i work at a daycare) for at least a week without breaking down and crying.  i had people tell me that i'll get over it and move on, so insensitive.  everyone grieving period is different and apprently i only had a few days to get over the incident before i had to report back to work.  i didn't even go to my niece's 1st birthday party because it was too soon.  found out a month later that one of the kid's parents at the daycare was having a baby and they weren't even trying.  their son just turned 1.  i've been trying to have children for so long that the joy of doing the bd is all but gone.  it just seems like all work and no play.  if this cycle doesn't work for me i may need to re-evaluate what i'm going to do so i can maintain some sense of sanity!
Helpful - 0
631676 tn?1333718203
i could have used this post a long time ago! what was the point of doing the right thing? i waited to have sex longer than any of my friends. i never had unprotected sex. i went to the doctors every year. no drugs. no smoking. and now i sit next to a woman who had 5 abortions and if 7 mos pregnant. it must not be god, it must be just molecules right? am i going to hell for saying this?

so after i had a false positive last weekend my DH tries to upgrade us to an exit row on a flight for a "break". for 7 hours, every woman on the plane sat in the extra space in front of me changing the baby, playing with the baby, feeding the baby. one dad was even flying the baby over his head in total joy. i know i am sensitive but i mean 5 or 6 babies just being paraded in front of me for 7 hours. finally i just cried and the flight attendant asked if i was okay. i do not know if i will even be sane again.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Glad that i am not just the only one who feels like this.
Amen to your post!
Same situation my dear...even with feeling left out regarding your boyfriend.
I definitely can relate...and feel angry most of the time know. Must hide it so I dont appear pyscho...but it *****! I wish octomom would share!
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Avatar universal
Thank you for bringing this back out, it really sums up how I have been feeling for a long time.

It does seem that everyone around me is getting pregnant.  My sister has a 15-month old and is 20 weeks pregnant with number two, another friend got pregnant virtually immediately and her husband called my husband to announce it (too afraid to upset me, I guess), another got pregnant after claiming for years she didn't want any kids and when she finally started trying told me it would take ages "because she had massive gynaecological problems".  6 months later she was pregnant.

All of this was hard, but because we recently moved abroad, at least I didn't see them on a day-to-day basis.

Made news friends in my new home town............... 6 months later 3 out of 5 were pregnant!  So now I am confronted with 2 growing bellies (1 of them m/c'd at 12 weeks) on a regular basis.  I was even confiding in one of them about all the tests I had to do, all the prodding and poking, the heartbreak and she was pregnant all that time!

Every month is blighted by dissapointment!  I feel like such a failure and wonder what I have done to deserve this.

I have been so happy with my husband and sometimes I've felt perhaps we've been too happy and this is happening to teach us a lesson.  

But what a hard lesson it is.
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907699 tn?1251630847
mmmm, yep. i love that responce kitty. your hubby is really quite a sweetie for saying that xxx

i am late.....
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Avatar universal
wow. . .as I read your venting. . .I started to feel better myself as if I was the one who vented because I know what you mean.  Well, maybe not exactly because I don't have a BF who has 2 sons. . .so I can't imagine being the other woman in their lives as well.  But it does annoy me of all this pregnancy talk and how everyone around me is pregnant.  And when I complained to my husband he said something that made me feel better. . .I said to him,  " it feels like everyone around me is pregnant.  I see preg. pple here and there and it is like this outside force, god if you will, is laughing at me saying hahaha everyone else is getting what you want but not you."  My husband then said, "Well, look at it this way. . .we are seeing an abundant array of preg. woman now, especially now that it is spring, and every time you see a preg. woman, just think of it as a sign or foreshadowing of what will happen to you very soon."  I liked that response.  
Try not to worry.  The advice everyone gives to me is to not think about ovulation time. . .just have sex and enjoy it.  Have sex, work on your relationship, enjoy each other whether it is that time or not and sooner or later, you will get pregnant.  
sigh.  My doctor, when I went to her with ovulation questions and period cycle questions said to me, have sex everyday and you are bound to get pregnant.  I havent been TTC that long so I guess this is sound advice for me for now.  And my sex life has certainly been on an uphill slope. . .but we havent been having sex everyday. . .but more often at least and I don't think about when I am ovulating anymore. . .well, that is not entirely true. . ..but I don't chart it etc. . .
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thankyou for bringing up this post -

Yes, everyone thinks that I am a monster, a child hater, because I am jealous.  I am jealous because I cannot concieve , I have to shoot myself up with drugs so that my body can create some eggs while every other woman can get pregnant with ease.  Yesterday I saw this new show - 16 and pregnant, another slap in my face.  What a high school teenager can do with out effort, I cannot do even with Medical help.  I hate Chlomid, I hate shots and I hate people who say it is a matter of time and it will soon be my time.  when will it be my time ?  I am tired of waiting, I am tired of hot flashes and sleepless nights, I am tired of bloating and getting shots every evening.  I am tired of not being able to enjoy an evening out with friends for a late dinner.  I ahve to rush home to take shots by acertain time.  Why can I not be like that 16 year old who did not want to have a child but managed to get pregnant.  I am MAD about Casey Anthony and that 38 year old woman in Mass. who left her new born baby ina motel with its umbilical cord attached.  Why is it easy for them when they don't even want a child ?


Thanks for letting me vent.  BOY... that felt good
Helpful - 0
907699 tn?1251630847
sorry for the typo's my DH is distracting me by moaning as i am on line writing this. he doesnt think i should have any support i suppose!
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907699 tn?1251630847
i too am a monster! i used to be a nice person. compassionate and used to happy go lucky. now i get feedback from  work mates that i am a misserable old cow! i am!
i am constantly complaining and moaning and horrible..

all i want is a bloody baby. is it too much to ask? why is it that woman who dont care about thier babies get pregnant so easily, have abortions and the like. its a total slap in my face.. i want to scream at them and say "you ******* *****.
dont you know how lucky you are". i wander what i have done in my life to derserve such a **** thing to happen to me. obviously i cant say that to these woman as it would be a sackable offence. but its how i feel.

i hate the staff at work who are pregnant and just feel like they are rubbing salt into the large wounds.

pain..... it never ends.

Nicky

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you for bringing this out!!! It is just what I needed tonight. My DH works nights, so we have to BD before he leaves for work, and tonight it didn't work, so I was ready to throw the towel in and give up. We have been trying for two years in August, and I am TIRED!!! I am a foster mama, so to top it off I get attached to these babies, then have to give them back to parents that don't give a s*** about them, it tears me up! I am tired of working so hard at something that should be so easy. I am tired of hearing supportive comments. I am tired of being a monster, when I used to be so nice. I am tired of stupid people getting what I want. I am tired of trying to figuer out what I did wrong in my life that God would punish me like this. I am tired of knowing that things will work out one way or another, but not be able to tell my heart that. I am TIRED of it all!!!
With that being said, back to temping and vitamins in the morning, and hopefully DH can make a deposit when he gets home.
Best of luck to us all!!! And thank you again for this thread, I feel so much better and not so much like a monster who needs to be locked up!!!!
Helpful - 0
907699 tn?1251630847
oh at last, a place to vent ... i too feel like a useless piece of barron ****.
"if its meant to be it will be or its proberly not your time" **** that comes out of my mums mouth PISSES ME OFF its ok for her, she had kids. all i want is 1! i am 36 and i am getting old!

so called friends i work with seem to get preg at a drop of a hat. 4 are preg at the mo, ITS NOT PISSING FAIR. they didnt tell me but eveyone else knew. i eventally was told as it was too hard to hide. pathetic.
" you need to relax more" ****! I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONCIEVE FOR 10 YEARS. ONLT TO get PREG IN NOVEMBER and MISCARRY.  not a word of support came from their lips. thety just dont care .  i hate this, i am fed up with the constant rubbish that i have to deal with. and to top it off I SEE BABIES AND PREG WOMAN AT WORK EVERYDAY. I  work as a nurse on a maternity ward.
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Avatar universal
And GiGiGiGi I do the same thing as you. I tell everyone who asks if we are trying to have children that I hate children that I don't want to be burdened by little germ infested monsters. And then I turn right around and I avoid going certain places because I know there are going to be children everywhere and I just get so jealous, especially when I see so many people who really shouldn't have children at all seeing as how they so obviously don't want them. I've told my immediate family we're ttc but that's it.
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Avatar universal
I just wanted to add that I hate clomid. And guess the freak what is the only medicine that will make me ovulate. GOD I HATE CLOMID! It makes me so sick. It makes my heart beat fast, I sweat, I have hot flashes and am nauseated all of the time and when I get sick I can't eat and then I can't sleep. And then I get jokes about how Witchy I am all of the time. And then I really, really want to just run somebody over with my car, usually my well meaning mother who suggests that I should take some vitamins or something. And if I hear how "hormonal" I am one more time somebody is going to get their a _ _ kicked. Seriously.
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Avatar universal
Thanks for bringing this back out... I haven't seen it before and it just made me feel a heck of a LOT better. My husband says he's understand but he's not the one ready to throw up from taking the fertility meds. and geting sick. My sister-in-law says she understands but she has two kids of her own and I'm faced with the prospect of childlessness and I look like a drug addict because my left arm has so many marks from being stuck with a needle to take blood that I'm ready to scream. Lost_kitty I feel your pain. Seriously. Thanks girl for just letting it out and inviting others to do the same. If this thread doesn't belong here then I don't know what does!
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Avatar universal
just thought i should bring this back out... it always makes me feel better
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664732 tn?1296823050
just recently someone said to me: "why dont you take the boys of your boyfriend as your own kids?"

well, 1st off, they rnt living with us, so i get to see them as visiting, 2nd off, i already treat them like they r mine, BUT, it is SO not the same, id like to be pregnant and experience what all the others experience, the pain, the hunger, the kicks, yes even being nausiated, y do i have to take his kids for my own and just get rid of my dream to be a mommy?

i think its much esier for guys to "adopt" someone elses child then for gals, cuz they dont experience the beauty of growing a child inside...

babydust to all of you and this month espacially to me :)
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676775 tn?1276810560
I just found out there are 8 pregnant women at my place of work. 8!! God knew He was going to bless some women with babies and for some frustrating reason, He didn't bless me.
I'm fed up!!!!
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507564 tn?1243193855
Thanks!  My HCG was 6 this past Monday, hoping for only 2 or 3 more rounds of chemo...then I can start healing.  It's hard to heal when you  are still in the midst of cancer and adversity.  I know there is light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel and I know there is a "plan" for me.  Maybe my "plan" is that I am supposed to adopt? I'm a preschool special ed. teacher and know I would be able to love someone else's child as my own.  I know all of this is making me stronger...it's making all of us stronger!!!  I won't give up until I am a "MOTHER"....some way, some how...I will be a "MOTHER".
Helpful - 0
847328 tn?1289783114
Wow, after reading your story you were right.  This should not be that hard.  My story is certainly nowhere near what you've had to go thru, but I'm sure we have both had those days and those feelings that make you feel as if you have reached the bottom.  The bottom of the barrel, the bottom of the ocean, underneath the rock that lays on the bottom of the ocean... you get it.  

It is not an easy journey.  I have prepared myself in someways to hope for the best, but anticipate the worst.  I am still glad that you and your hubby are ..... OK?  This takes a toll on everyone involved.  I guess what keeps me from running away giving up everything to go and work on an island in Borneo at an orangutan orphanage is this....

I know that the sum of my whole does not depend on me having a baby.  That just because someone can reproduce (or spawn) or whatever you want to call it  and I cannot does not make them a better person than me.  Just because my girlfriends are on their 2nd and 3rd babies and have no freggin clue what is going on in my heart-does that mean that god loves them more than me, or that I did something so horribly wrong to deserve this.  And to confirm this, all I need to do is turn on the news (Nancy Grace, or the other chic) or go to walmart and look around at all the people who "deserved" their babies.  Babies/children neglected, abused, abandoned, not loved..... you name it.   I live less than 30 mins from where they found little Caylee Anthony!

So when I get the invites for baby showers that I would have avoided earlier, hell yes I will go.  I am over getting upset at the tabloids for blasting the face of the next who's pregnant.  Go ahead, put the whole world up there but me....because this thing will not get the best of me!  

so good luck to you and it WILL make you feel better to vent....... tell us your whole history here.  We are not here to judge or belittle, and if we are than we have issues and should go to another site.   Hugs and best wishes for your treatment.  

Helpful - 0
676775 tn?1276810560
Hello ladies.
Michellehawaii, it must really be hard for you and your DH. I know it must be hard but please do not give up. Getting pregnant and losing it is one thing but getting cancer, that's a really heavy cross to carry. I pray that when you have to start ttc again in about a year that you will be pleasantly blessed with a BFP. :). Please feel free to vent to us anytime.

hope_31, what can I say but good luck with the beta on the 1st of May. SSBD, lots of it.
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344846 tn?1267550107
this is suc a hard journey,,,,we found out we were pregnant on our honeymoon 2years ago and sadly it ended ina m/c(blighted ovum) and so the journey began and we tried and elevated my hips after sex counted days peed on stick you name it and it didnt work. so we went to a fertility specialist and after all the test came back normal on both ends we did 2 iui's with clomid and nothing! so i had a laparoscopy (my 3rd )to check my endometriosis which wasnt bad.then  tried injectibles and a 3rd iui and bingo we got pregnant and things were going great until the 2nd u/s and we found the baby had stopped growing at 6weeks when we should have been 8weeks. needless to say we were devastated. had a d&c and started the path to ivf which freakin' ***** and is a very long process. we had the egg retieval april 17th and the transfer on april 20th and may 1st is the pregnancy test! i am petrified to be pregnant a 3rd time even though its our obvious goal!! after finding out we were pregnantin october for the 2nd time someone actualy said"see and you were worried for nothing!" almost punched them. people can be so insensitive just because they have never had to go thru this it is a real horrible thing and just "relaxing" is a freakin joke!! everyone aroundme is pregnant or a new mom and i just wat my turn. i feel so broken!!!
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766872 tn?1240341112
I'am so sorry that you have to go threw this. Who would expect to get cancer from getting pregnant thats just so unfair to anybody : ( I wish you all the luck in the world with your TTC process and I hope you get that BFP that you've been waiting for. Good luck and take care.
Helpful - 0
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