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Father commited suicide 10 yrs ago feels like yesterday

Anyone who had a father who committed suicide,,,,i would love to talk...need someone who went through the same thing to talk with....he shot himself in the head 6/7/2000 and it feels like yesterday...it never goes away....i think about him atleast 10-20 times a day and sometimes i feel like commiting suicide like he did is this normal? sometimes i get an overwhelming urge to just want to die and thats how i would do it?? WHY? so many questions their will never be answers to....we were just becoming best friends and i keep asking what if? i know i couldnt do anything but, still have so many questions and blame myself for so much...........anyone can message me to talk about this.....thanks for listening....my story is soooo long and it would take forever to post......
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176495 tn?1301280412
I'm so sorry to hear that...I've never been in your shoes and there's probably not much I can offer....life is depressing...we feel there is no way out of the situations in which we find ourselves...my son (who died recently attempted suicide when he as 17) and his life was one of constant depression...

First...if you are serious..please see a doctor who can help with these feelings....though at times life seems to crash and burn...I'm nearly 60 years old and in very poor financial conditon...but there is always a beautiful day ahead, there is always change around the corner..and life is worth living just to see what's coming next....I think of the Bruce
Springsteen song "waiting for a sunny day,chasing the clouds away"...and that is what's coming for you...

Please see a doctor and don't give up on life...there's so much beauty, so much to see..

Jim
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Avatar universal
I'm so very sorry to hear about the tragic loss of you beloved father and I want you to know that this was never your fault. 10 yrs. is a long time ago, but we always keep our beloved father/mother deep in our hearts and we are an extension of them.

Suicide is when a person feels as they have no way out of a situation and did not have the copeing skills necessary to what in reality was a temporary situation. In other words, this too shall pass, if we would just step back from the dark cloud and talk with someone about how you feel and what is going on with your life. Suicide is Never the answer and I'm Christian and believe in God and I feel that only God can judge us, no one else and I'm sure that He is a God of loving kindness, merciful and all forgiving. I'm sure your father will get the help that he desperately was searching for. His soul will be ok.  

When I was 17 yrs old, my first boyfriend dumped me for a girl, which I made her look like ****. I was sooo devistated that I did something that I will always be haunted for and learned a very valueble lesson that life is precious and it is not ours to take!!!!  I attempted suicide. When I was take to the emergency room, they stuck a tube down my stomach and nose, I had a heart monitor. I had so many tubes and wires that I couldn't move. It was necessary to pump my stomach every 1/2 hour and it was one of the most painful experiences, because every time anyone touched that tube, it was like a knife cutting me inside. I lost conciousness and was in the intensive care unit for 3 days and a nurse while pumping my stomach said to me, "Are you going to do this again"....I knobbed "no" and I will never forget what she said to me very coldly and uncaring, "Good, because I have better thinks to do with my time, and save people who care about their life." It hurt me so and I realized how selfish I was, but the reality was that as a teenager, I did not have the copeing skills necessary to handle the stress of a heart break.

What you need to do is to forgive your father. His soul is very aware of the pain he has caused and he needs to be in peace and you need to forgive him and tell him that you love and forgive him. You are an extention of your father, you are his legacy, so make sure to make him very proud of you and live. Become a good, productive caring person who values life and will live it to the fullest. Break the cycle of suicide in your family and never let that go into the next generation. Forgive him, forgive yourself for the thought of suicide, always find who to talk to about what's going on inside of you, a teacher, counselor, priest or whatever religious denomination you are, but remember, that suicide is never the answer. Life is precious and not yours to take, but take that life and do something beautiful with it and honor your father and continue his legacy by surrounding yourself with good people, family, friends and a positive, healthy environment and you will florish. You father is in peace as is my mother and will eternally love you and one day in God's time, he will come running to you from the gates of Heaven and be the guiding light and show you the way.

Rest easy, it's going to be ok, one day at a time.....Judy
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Avatar universal
One more note...start by accepting what you can't change, forgive your father and yourself, re-evalutate where you are your life, what direction do you want to be in and how to improve your life and start over again. Life is a journey or experiences, but their is always hope that tomorrow we can change the direction of our life and it can be a beautiful life, take the necessary steps to begin to live again.
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Avatar universal
Im so sorry for your loss, but i feel your pain. My uncle killed himself at the start of this year leaving behind a 5yr old daughter and 12yr old son and a loving partner. As much as i love him part of me is angry at him for leaving them behind (as well as the rest of us). And the worst part... his son was there when they found him. How is that poor kid ever going to get the image out of his head, it will be there for life. He should remember him as how he was, not like that.
I have played every scenario over in my head as to WHY he would do it as he never seemed the sort to do this. I no its hard but you need to forgive yourself, there was nothing you could do to change their minds and stop asking why as it will only knott you up inside.
I suffer from depression but am trying my best to cope un-medicated. About 6yrs ago during a traumatic experience i snapped. As if i was having an outer body experience my body took over... The events following are really a blur but i had O.D on Anti-Depressants. By the time i got to the hospital it was too late to pump my stomach. Luckily i made it.
After what my uncle did i cant bear to even resort to suicide. Even having harmful thoughts towards myself causes me inner turmoil as now i know what it is like to be left in the wake of suicide.
If you need to talk im here for you. I dont really feel as though i can talk about these things with others as its such a taboo and im just suppost to move on with my life in the eyes of others. They will never know what it is like, and i hope they never will have to!
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