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Avatar universal

How do I go on without her?

It hasn't been quite a week, but I lost my mother to Pulmonary Fibrosis. We know it would happen sooner or later, but I wasn't ready. I was with her at the end, and told her I loved her very much several times. she was at the state that she was unable to comprehend anything and I keep telling myself that she could hear me, but I really don't think that she could. I am a 40 year old women and I want my Mother back. She was only 57, to young to leave her family.
My husband is very supportive, he only lost is Father a little over a year ago, so he understsnds and is always there for me. We are there for each other.
If anyone can help me find my way, please let me know.
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Avatar universal
BTW, my parents are gone approximately 8 years. (continued from post above)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There really isn't much more that I can add to the above posts.  I lost both my parents and I miss them just as much today as I did the day that they left.  Some days are fine and normal (my new normal without them) and some days I still ache for them that it actually hurts.  You never forget, but the pain subsides.  You will always miss, but you learn to accept.

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. Just remember, that the best tribute you can give to your mom is to live on and live happy.  That is what she will always want for you.
Helpful - 0
518117 tn?1429276273
Just read your post and my heart so goes out to you. I too lost my mother to pulmonary fibrosis. I lost Momma on August 20, 2007. She was 69. Momma passed away 4 months after a lung transplant. I am still trying to deal with the loss and grief myself. Sometimes I simply cannot bear to think about her. Or I feel I will go all to pieces. Yesterday though I had a good hard cry. Everyday is a struggle. I lost my father to cancer, when he was 56. I agree 57 is still young. I myself am 51. I believe you never get too old for a mother's love. I miss my Momma terribly. During these months, that she has been gone, I will find myself, wishing I had her to talk to. I was diagnosed a few months after Momma's death with COPD. Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease. The day they told me I had this lung disease, I just wanted my Momma. I understand so how you feel. It just is going to take you and me time. You just recently lost your Momma. I know you are in a state of shock most likely right now. I was after my Momma passed away. The hardest words I ever had to say in my life, was telling my Momma to let go. She had suffered horribly. If you would like to talk further, I am here for you. You so are in my prayers. Your post really touched my heart. Pulmonary  Fibrosis is a terrible disease. It is even more terrible when a loved one has it. And there is nothing you can do. I never felt so helpless in my life. My brother was just as close to my Momma as I was. He too was diagnosed with COPD about 6 months before Momma's death. Seems lung disease is haunting our family. But take it one day at a time. Maybe not the greatest advice, but the only way I know to handle it. God bless you during your time of sorrow. I am very sorry about your Mother.
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Avatar universal
Nothing can ever prepare us for the death of a loved one, especially a mother or a dad.  I lost last September a dear man who was like a dad to me.  He opened the door of his house and his heart to me as if I was his own daughter.  He had been ill for many years, but I never heard him complained about it.  Although I knew he would die eventually, it was so sad to see him die after been in the ICU for a week.

I knew by what the doctors said that he wouldn't survive much longer and his wife made the decision of authorizing that if he couldn't breath by himself, they wouldn't revive him again.  It was the hardest thing for her to do since they had been married for 39 years, a lifetime.  I knew I had to be strong for his wife, his daughters and his grandchildren and going through the funeral wasn't so hard, but when he was buried I knew he had left us forever, but also knew that now he would be resting and would watch us from above and that one day we would eventually meet.

I still think about him and miss him, but I cherish his memories.  He was a wise man who touched so many lives and I was blessed to have him in my life.  I think that you never stop missing your loved one, but the pain diminishes as time goes by and you learn to live with him/her.

Live cherishing her memories and take her everywhere with you.  Also, don't be afraid to talk about her and remember that she will always live inside you and that one day you'll meet again.

Take care,

Neta
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
although it is extremely hard to live my life without my dad's love and support...i live it with my memories.  i guess i was lucky in that my family DID talk about my dad.  we loved to sit and share stories and memories of the good times we shared with him, both individually and as a family.  some things made us cry...some even made us laugh.

my suggestion to you is to allow yourself to grieve.  dont expect too much too soon.  you have suffered a great loss and it will take time to deal with your feelings.  it is OK to cry...it is OK to miss her...it is OK ! ! ! ! !

my dad is gone...but NO ONE can take my memories away :)  he watched over me while he was alive...and i have no reason to believe that that has changed.  i feel him all around me...his love is still leading me through life.
Helpful - 0
332074 tn?1229560525
  I have written this several times on this forum, but I will tell you how I felt when my dad died. I hope it will bring you a little peace
  It was May 19,1999, when my mom called and told me dad had passed away. I can remember everything that day as if it just happened. Because on that day, I went from being a 3 yr old woman to a 4 yr old little girl that just wanted her daddy back. I knew that day that the normal I knew would be gone forever and when the time came for things to go back to normal, I would have to learn a new one. My life went from being a life by dates on a calender, to being before dad died or after dad died.
  There were so many people that would tell me that time would make it better, but at that point in time, I didn't want to hear anything. Don't ask me how I am doing, because I suck, and I am okay with that. Don't tell me at least he is not suffering and that he is in a better place, because he was in the best place ever when he was here with us. Don't get me wrong, I know that they were trying to help, but at that point and time I didn't want help, I wanted my dad.
  I learned, that going through the death and the funeral was the easy part. Little did I know that living without him was way harder then his dying. After the funeral you see everyone going on with their lives, and I just did not understand how they could go on with their lives when I was dying inside. I also felt like a leper, because noone wants to talk to you about it for fear you may start crying, and my thought was so what if I start crying, I need to talk about him, I need to feel like he is still a part of my life. I remember feeling so alone in a crowd.
  Now there is my family. My husband would say I understand your are hurting, I miss your dad too. I wanted to just rip his vocal cords out, because he had no clue how I was hurting. You need to be strong for your mom and your kids, man those words angered me. How can I be strong when I am hurting so bad. I just needed noone to need me for the first time in my life.
  Showers became my best friend. Why? Because in there noone needed me and I could sob without anyone hearing me, and because you come out of a shower with red eyes, so noone knew when I was just showering or when I was crying.
  Once I did get back into the real world, I thought okay, I have to move on. Reality was, that moving on was much harder then I thought it would be. It was on my mind day and night for 2 years. Then one day came and at the end of the day, that I had not thought of my dad all day. Thus started a guilt cycle. How could I go all day without thinking of my dad when he was laying in that grave. Little did I know then that I had reach the healing stage. No, I will never totally heal, because my heart has a hole in it that noone can fill, but I am going on, and I don't know how it happened, but it did.
  So, please know that someone knows you are hurting, and I am here if you need to talk. Take care.
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