Lost dad, life falling apart

[Littleshaip]

Last year my 37 year old dad was diagnosed with cancer and after watching him suffer and lay in a coma for weeks he passed in January.  Since then I've dropped out of school twice and have been out of touch with reality. I can't find a point in existing anymore and am stressed dealing with work, school, and other life difficulties. I'm 19 years old and am continually getting infections because of the stress. I'm always crying and can't admit to my family that I don't know what to do. I worry that I'm wasting my time on earth yet I know that I'm insignificant. What can I do?

[lush9999]

I am 37 years old and lost my father last year. He had bone cancer and for 3 years he suffered. He was a big man over 200ibs lots of muscels, at the end of his death he was 100ibs so for 3 years I watch him slowly die.  He refused to go to hospital so my mother quit her job to take care of him.  The week before his death he stopped walking I was left alone with him for 15min and in that time he stared screaming for mom but she was not there.  I went to see what was wrong and he was screaming in fear that he had to pee but could not get up and refused to **** the bed.  I had to think quick I grabbed a bowl and had to hold while he pissed in bowl.  This was awful for both of us. His daughter watching him **** in bowl.  I just looked at him in his eyes and told him over and over that I loved him.  In my eyes he was the strongest man in the world.  He was my hero he was my best friend he was the only one in this world that truly understood me he my biggest support in life.  I have 3 kids and was going through a horrible divorce and he would put his sickness to the side to help me because I was emotional wreak. My ex was on drugs and was stocking me it was awful.  For 3 years my life was hell for real.  The night he passed away the whole family was there but not me I didn't think I could be there.  But my mom did not want spend the night alone so I told her after everyone leaves I will come spend the night with them my mom and dad.  I got there I was only there for about 15min my Dad would pray with me every night growing up so that night I said our pray and 5min later he took his last breath.  Just like that he was gone.  I miss him everyday he is on my mind all the time.  My body was in pain all the time I suffered major ptsd.   I felt very alone and felt like nobody understood why I felt the way that I did.  I never thought I could cope with life.  But I want to tell u that u will always miss that person.  But each day will get better.  Start thinking positive they are peace they are in heaven when they go we suffer so much lost.  My Dad would never want me to feel the way that I did.  Yes I miss him so much but everything will be ok.  I know he is with me and he at peace.  I have moments for sure I cryed I have screamed I have pretty much have gone crazy.  Its been over a year I have lots of medical conditions but with the help of many doctors things are better.  There is no time limit on grieve but just remember that they are in a very special place they are angels that protect and keep us going.  Be happy for them think of the good memories and be proud that u had that time with that special someone.  Pray lots God is with u.  I am sorry for your loss and I know it hurts, hurts so bad to point of sickness but each day u will get stronger.. God bless u!! REMEMBER there is a heaven.

[AnnieBrooke]

See your doctor and see a counselor.  In a similar situation, my nurse practitioner prescribed me an antidepressant, saying "Your life won't stop having these issues, but at least you won't be crying all the time," and she was right.  I didn't need them for long but they helped when I did need them.  She also had me talk to a counselor (a social worker) whose specialty was the area of grief I was dealing with, and that also helped a super lot.  The first appointment all I did was cry!  Grief counseling is a specialty all by itself and if you find someone who is trained in it he or she can help you a lot.  It isn't like life is always sweet, but it is possible to move through a painful time if you take the support you can find.