Losing My Spouse

[ronmar11]

My husband died on December 5th. He was my sould mate and I am so lost without him. I can't seem to get over the loss. It is now going on 6 months and I am still mourning him. I try to go on with my daily life but I always seem to go back to missing him. Does the mourning ever end? Why do I feel guilty about any decision I make if I know he would not agree with it? Why is it so hard for me to let go. For the first 4 months after he passed I went to his grave site 2-3 times weekly. I have now moved to a different state (which we were planning to do had he not died) so now in addition to missing him, I miss the comfort I took while visiting his site. I know only his shell is in there, I know his spirit is not, yet I felt nearer to him. I miss him so much and want to know if other widows/widowers have/had such a hard time getting over the loss.

[finsright]

I've posted to you once and I couldn't be of much help because I haven't found any real answers at that time, but things are getting alittle better now. I found a book "I WASN'T READY TO SAY GOODBYE' By Brooke Noel & Pamela D Blair. It hasn't removed the pain but it is helpful. It deals with the things we go through like why, guilt, how to greive and many other subjects. When I was looking through the self help section I saw many more books on greiving. I plan to read more on the subject. I don't want to forget or lose my memories of Nickie they are the most important memories of my life, but I want to remember them with a smile instead of tears, This book says that greif often blocks our memories and by healing some of the memories we cherish most may return. It also tells how to deal with people who want to help but only makes it worse. I'm praying that the hurt we both feel will ease and instead we can remember and be thankful for the love and time we have. Some people never know this special love so no matter the pain we were lucky to have it. Garth Brooks has a song that's something like I could have done without the pain but then I would have missed the dance, I think it's named the dance. Maybe we can get to a point where we can remember the dance more than the pain. It still hurts so much but surely God has a answer for us. I'll always be here for you and we can get through this together. All my love, Gail

[finsright]

hi, there are no words to express the pain you are in, I know because I lost my husband of 34years. We were so close to each other that seemed God meant us for each other. I prayed everynight for 34yrs that God wouldn't take him from me, to please let me die first are let us die together.That wasn't what he had in mind. After he died I got so caught up in being strong for my children and not letting them see the deep depression I was in. I met someone and remarried, but down deep I was hurting so bad, nothing was more important than my first husband. It's been six years and as I sit here I write you I am crying. Two weeks ago I talked with a counsolor. She felt that maybe the pain won't stop till I truely not worry about anyone else and feel free to really mourn. I know how much it hurts but until we go through that pain for as long as it takes we can't get over the pain and move ahead. I'm not saying to hurt more just allow yourself the time and space you need. There no timelines, you can't wake up one morning and say it's been six months so times up I'll stop hurting now. Allowing yourself the time you need to mourn and not letting others around you influence how you feel it will get better. At least thats what she told me. I'll let you know if it works. Love Gail

[jml1986]

Six months is not very long ago, and it can take years to get through the grief. Don't put yourself on a grief timeline, because I can assure you that you will never make it. Your heat will heal in it's own time and so for now just allow yourself the time you need to get through your loss.