The memory of you...

[hotmama78]

When i deliver my son Baby Aidan last Jan 15 thru c-sec.. we snap many many picture of him... i love to see it and kiss it most of the time... but why does my heart feel so pain... i want to be happy every time i look at it but why does my tears and my say heart saying otherwise.. :((

[hotmama78]

Hey lovely mommies... i was 21weeks when i still birth him.. almost 2 months now.. i still crying... :(( its so hard.. his was my 5th pregnancy but my 1st baby... he is the only one i go so far in pregnancy.. my heart still very much pain.. i miss Baby Aidan so much.... :(( i just don't know when will i be okay again.. :((

[SoCalTricia]

Oh, my...please don't be so hard on yourself. The loss is still very new. How far along in your pregnancy were you?

It can take years to find that "new normal" after you lose a child. My two-month-old son died in September 2009, and I have just begun to feel like my old self in the last couple of months. And, even with that, I think about him every single day, and cry at least a few times a week. I miss him with every fiber of my being...but I no longer wish it was *me* who died. I am mostly happy now, and grateful for the living children who are still with me. I encourage you to go see a counselor...I'm still seeing one after all this time...and it helps so much. Good luck in your journey...

[Melissa_1982]

your loss is still VERY new  & will take time to process.  Writing does help you get through it, as will talking to others. If after that you are still having problems talking to your dr is a great idea. I know with my previous losses writing helped me. I have actually designed a tattoo I plan on getting for each of my babies who I have lost, all except the most recent which was just February 15th, 2012. In my mind it's a permanent way to hold onto them, a way that when you feel hurt you can look at that tattoo & feel close to them again, & have them feel as a piece of you again.  I haven't loss a child after their birth before, but have had 6 miscarriages all in early pregnancy & still born twins induced at 24 weeks because their hearts stopped.  I can't imagine losing a child whom I had held, losing them during pregnancy has been hard enough. If you ever want to talk I'm hear to listen.

[hotmama78]

Yaps... month plus has passed but i still the same... i try do other things... try to move on.. be me again but its really not me anymore...!!! :((

[jngemera]

Sweety it is very normal.  Like I said it has been over 10 years and I still cry.

[hotmama78]

Ladies... thanks a millions, i am trying hard to keep moving on bcos thats the only thing make sense to me now..!! as well thank you so much for all the advised.. praying.. and opinions.. 3weeks has passed and my tears seems no way to be dried off.. :(( i been thru twice m/c which ending in D&C and twice natural m/c with help of medication... but this one i feel the hardest one for me to get it over...!!! i will sake help soon as my husband find he scare to leave me home alone.. :(( but yet i thankful this forum a lots a lots... its really help to read thru many posting.. but i am crying whenever i go thru post mommies who facing m/c... my heart so aching.. :(( is this normal as i am still fresh with my loss???

[mammo]

Your loss is so fresh and you need to go through this mourning process.  It's okay to still feel sad....you lost your baby!  One thing I can tell you is that your baby may have been taken to spare him a lifetime of pain and suffering...and you as well.  He will live on in you, and time will ease your pain.  The day will come when you will look at his photos and smile at your beautiful baby boy...other times you will cry and that's okay.  Life can be so hard sometimes and we have to keep going, knowing it will get better.  I lost my son 13 years ago and I still will cry.  I can tell you it does get easier, I don't know how..just that it does.  Journal about your son, putting all your feelings and emotions down on paper is a form of release for us and very therapeutic.  It would also be a nice tribute to him.  If things don't start to get easier do seek help, that's what I did.  Big hugs....

[ku111]

jngemera could be so right.  Thank you because you helped me too!  I never thought of PTSD but you are correct it's not just for the military.  Talking about this with a counselor may be very helpful to you.  We are here ((hugs))

[jngemera]

My son Bryan Anthony Short passed when he was 5 weeks and two days old.  It was in two thousand and two.  I love my son and you loved yours.  Wether you spent time here in the world with him or not you grew a bond with your child.  Through time my love and sadness has not gone away it has just gotten easier.  Talk to your docotr about PTSD. (post traumatic stress disorder)  This does not happen in just military veterans.  

[ku111]

Did the dr. ever offer you medication?  It is not to help you forget but maybe it would help you think of one thing at a time and not be so sad all the time.  Your baby would not want you to be sad.  It is ok to be happy too.  Do you feel if you become happy you some how forget the baby?  Sometimes we just get into a tailspin when something happens and we can't get back up without a little bit of help.  It is ok!  I almost lost my 18 yr old in an accident and I had a really hard time getting past the accident, what I saw, etc...  I started on Celexa and I can remember but it is not as painful or traumatic.  It helps me be better and help others.  Now that things have calmed down I decided to stay on it.  Sometimes after a loss your hormones along with grief need a little help to get back on track.  Bless your heart!  ((hugs))