stuggle to be strong

[j17c27]

1 year ago today a classmate, a friend, died in an accident.  I knew him as a friend but my boyfriend was absolute best friends with him ever since they were babies.  He is a lot stronger than me, and has a really good coping method and hes doing really well....the problem is...im not. I am struggling so much...all day today i have been all of the sudden breaking down crying hystericly and my boyfriend hugs and comforts me...but it should be the other way around! I try so hard to be strong for him...but i cant do it! All year long I have put everything into protecting him for being sad and being for him when he is having a rough day. but i feel like all the emotions i have been holding in have been coming out this week...and its definitly the wrong week for that to happen...I just cant get past the fact that right now..at 2:07pm...he was being rushed to the hospital and being resessitated...and even though it would be a success and he would be alive again...he died again about 20 minutes later....i know hes in a better place..i know hes always in my heart and stuff...but i cant get past how sudden his death is...and worst of all i cant be there to comfort my boyfriend tonight because im going to a soccer game dedicated to him with my freinds, while he is going to the boy who died's house with his friends....i know he needs to be with his friends and i understand that completely...but im sooo worried about him! but when im with him..i just feel like im a burden...i dont know what to do! how can i help him????

[j17c27]

Oh my gosh, that is so scary.  You have been through sooo much.  You should be very very thankful to be alive.  I hope you are doing well now.  
I wish you well

[Watchingme]

I WISH I COULD HELP OR GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE, BUT I WAS NEVER IN THAT SITUATION....I WAS MORE OR LESS LIKE THE KID THAT DIED. I'M A MAJOR TRAUMA VICTIM, WITH A FLAILED AND RECONSTRUCTED CHEST CAVITY, TWO LOBECTOMY'S ON THE SAME LUNG. ALL MY RIGHT RIBS SHATTERED AND SPLINTERED INTO THE RIGHT KIDNEY AND LIVER CAUSING SEVERE LACERATIONS. SPLEEN WAS REMOVED DUE TO RUPTURING. THE RIGHT PELVIC AREA WAS BROKEN IN THREE PLACES DAMAGING AN ARTERY THAT WAS REPAIRED WITH AN AORTIC WRAP. I HAD A TRACHEOTOMY AND NUMEROUS OTHER INJURIES AND PROCEDURES THAT I HAVE SUFFERED.... IF YOU DARE, CHECK OUT THE FIRST SONG I EVER WROTE. I DEDICATED IT TO THIS LIFE CHANGING INCIDENT. THE VIDEO CONTAINS SOME GRAPHIC PHOTOS. LYRICS WRITTEN AND PERFORMED BY ME. VIDEO POSTED 11/13/10 HERE'S THE LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMZx8kJLCrk