suicide ,,of my two children ,....

[bell124]

hi everyone ,.this is my frist time in the loss and grief ,im in the depression forum ,...........i couldnt up till come in here ,.........but im here now ........and my question is ,............if there is someone out there that has had two children die from suicide can they please let me know how they are dealing with it ,............because im not dealing with it so good ,.......i have become suicidal myself through this ,........i know i need to be here for my young son ,,but sometimes the pain is overwhelming ,.........and i dont see my young son there ,..........its like i go into a world of my own ,......and im afraid i will never come out of that world ,....i dont want to die ,..but i dont want to live with this pain .,........i have a very good friend on mh ,.......and she has been great to me ,..but as much as that has been i still need to talk to someone in my position ,.............dont ask me why because i dont even know that myself ,...till it happens ,............thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this ,..........

[jac918]

im sorry for your losses. reading this column, grief counceling in a group type setting in my opinion is not an option, but a must. there you will see and meet real people who are also dealing with this harsh reality. you will be able to make friends with others who feel as lost as you do and know that you are not alone during your worst times, you can pick up the phone and call someone who truly understands, if they have children, it may be good for your son as he continues to get through this also. take comfort in knowing that your children are in heaven, where they came from to begin with. do you go to church? sometimes it is there, where there are no outside distractions that God is able to speak to our hearts and we can hear Him. You are meant to be in THIS world right now, i know this because you have 2 other children who love you whom you have helped and nurtured. when you feel like giving up, remember that always, what would it do to them if you left too. i dont mean to put your grief aside, i have children of my own, and i cant imagine what you're going through, but your job here is not finished, you have 2 other lives that need you. they are watching what you do and it is affecting them also. you have suffered the most horrendous loss but you can get through it, work through your emotions one by one with your councelor therapist. healing takes time, i dont know how long ago this happened, and i know you cant see it now, but your pain will ease, take things one day at a time, allow yourself that time. grief is as strong of an emotion as love is. by what ive read, you ARE a strong woman, you WILL get through this. be careful of antidepressants, though they are helpful in most cases, they also can cause suicidal feelings that add to what you have already felt. nerve pills also have the same side affect. when you get to a low point, take a walk or excercise, it is a small thing but it helps produce more of our "feel good" hormone. though its probably the last thing youll want to do, or feel like doing, give it a try, make yourself. it cant hurt anything, and it may get you over that hump for the time being, and if it works, then great, its another way to help get through, i am truly sorry for your losses, but dont allow yourself too much idle time, that is when the mind starts to wander. God IS watching over you, He has carried you through your worst times, just like the "Footprints In The Sand" story. as for your neighbors, they probably all feel bad for you but would not know how to approach you. i will be praying for you.  

[bell124]

and who it the hero,.....?????not  me i hope ,...........no im a mother trying to look after her family thats all ,.........

[coastal77]

I would title your book.... Unrecognized Hero
You are mine. Your courage is inspiring. I am praying for your life and your family.

[bell124]

to coastal177,.........thank you but i dont think i could right about my life ,.........in saying that i would love be able to write it because there is so much to right but im not a writer ,.and i would never know what way to put in on paper ,........that was very thought full of you to suggest that to me and i know if someone like me were to write about there life and and loosing two children to suicide + an 11 year old son who i just found this year had a tumor on his leg thank god its benign ,....and a daughter who is still here with me in  whom i struggled with for 6 years to help her get better and of heroin ,.....about a husband that could be violent towards me ,.........yes that is something i would love to write about ,.......but it would take a life time to write it ,......and i dont think i have that sort of time left ,.......thank you  for your interest in my life ,.........

[coastal77]

Maybe just start from the beginning journaling. I am writing a book I titled Scared Of Daddy Long Legs about the empty nest syndrome and letting go. I have been working on it before my daughter moved out.
I think you write well in the way you described your situation.
The best way is to take each memory. Start at the beginning. Maybe at the very beginning.... as a young mother or maybe at your childhood.... I think it will basically just come to you if it is meant to be.
You definitely have a survivors story and I think that you will find it therapeutic as you write. Something good can always come out of even the most tragic of things. Your courage and strength inspires me. I just have a feeling our paths were meant to cross and I was supposed to suggest this. Maybe because I am a writer and hope to inspire you too. Sometimes when you have a focus it helps ease the pain.

[bell124]

can i say to you both thank you for takeing the time to read my story ,........i will look into the suicide group...........and im so sorry babybaw4  for your  pain that you and will allways feel ,......and i do believe your pain is just like mine ,.......a suicide death is one of the hardest deaths to deal with no matter who it is ,.....costal177 i glad i have help you ,.how ??i dont know but if you feel i did i will believe you ,...........i know you could never feel  my pain i could never expit you to ,.....and i would never put such pain on anyone ,.....but youve had pain and the pain of your dad dying ,...i have felt that same pain of my dad dying ,.....and i thought i would die myself when i lost my dad ,...........i have a young son 11 years old and believe me i have got him so much help with all of this ,.....he is doing ok ,....and its him thats keeping me here on this earth ,.....there is one think i would like to do if i get through this ,.......and that would be to help someone else just like myself ,....if i could just help one person ,......i would know then that god has left me here for reason ,......thank you all ,.............