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My HIV & STD Anxiety is taking over my life
Unfortunately for me, since I was a child I have developed a phobia for diseases that you acquire for things to do, specific diseases like HIV and STD. I have read and learned extensively how to protect myself of becoming infected, and I have always practice safe sex.
But as I started my sexual life (10 years ago, I'm 31 years old now), there have been many times where I felt awful because I experienced sex, and in all the cases it was protected, or there were no risks involved. This stress lasted as long as I waited for the window period of HIV and STD, and after did the exams, I felt relieved. And as you can imagine, all were negative. There have been like 15 episodes, and in many were related with protected oral sex and handjobs done in massage parlors.
Last week, a CSW (escort) gave me a handjob (without gloves, of course). I did not touch her vagina or fluids, and I didn’t notice any ulcer or sore in her body or hands. I didn’t want protected oral or vaginal sex, because there’s a small possibility that the condom brakes, and that’s a risk I don’t want to take. Rationally I know that this was safe sex, and there is not risk in catching any STD or HIV (I read an excellent answer for Dr. Hook here: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Syphilis-from-handjob--clarification/show/1076801). But one day after that, I have become obsessed with be infected with syphilis, and I can’t think in anything else.
In the morning, I was thinking to forge some prescriptions of antibiotics, so I could “heal” my inexistent syphilis. I was going to buy a color printer for that.
I think I have hit bottom. I did some therapy when I was younger, but in that time I didn’t want to share this problem with my therapist.
I know that I’m messed up, but I don’t know what to do. This problem has affected my life, and I don’t want to live this way. I will appreciate any recommendation of people who had experienced it and successful overcame it.
Regards and greeting from Mexico.
But as I started my sexual life (10 years ago, I'm 31 years old now), there have been many times where I felt awful because I experienced sex, and in all the cases it was protected, or there were no risks involved. This stress lasted as long as I waited for the window period of HIV and STD, and after did the exams, I felt relieved. And as you can imagine, all were negative. There have been like 15 episodes, and in many were related with protected oral sex and handjobs done in massage parlors.
Last week, a CSW (escort) gave me a handjob (without gloves, of course). I did not touch her vagina or fluids, and I didn’t notice any ulcer or sore in her body or hands. I didn’t want protected oral or vaginal sex, because there’s a small possibility that the condom brakes, and that’s a risk I don’t want to take. Rationally I know that this was safe sex, and there is not risk in catching any STD or HIV (I read an excellent answer for Dr. Hook here: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Syphilis-from-handjob--clarification/show/1076801). But one day after that, I have become obsessed with be infected with syphilis, and I can’t think in anything else.
In the morning, I was thinking to forge some prescriptions of antibiotics, so I could “heal” my inexistent syphilis. I was going to buy a color printer for that.
I think I have hit bottom. I did some therapy when I was younger, but in that time I didn’t want to share this problem with my therapist.
I know that I’m messed up, but I don’t know what to do. This problem has affected my life, and I don’t want to live this way. I will appreciate any recommendation of people who had experienced it and successful overcame it.
Regards and greeting from Mexico.
Hi cancies, well, there is not risk of syphilis for gettinh a handjob, unless there was a big sore in her hand (and it wasn't!) I felt bad because I'm in a relationship, and that feeling transform in irrational anxiety of getting a STD.
Anyway, today I completed two weeks of treatment,and tomorrow I will go to my second therapy with the psychiatrist . I'm taking one pill of luvox (Fluvoxamina 20 mg) at night, and two doses of rivotril (clonazepam) twice a day. I definitely feel different, specially that the obsessive thoughts are fading away.
Regards =D
Anyway, today I completed two weeks of treatment,and tomorrow I will go to my second therapy with the psychiatrist . I'm taking one pill of luvox (Fluvoxamina 20 mg) at night, and two doses of rivotril (clonazepam) twice a day. I definitely feel different, specially that the obsessive thoughts are fading away.
Regards =D
dude, really syphilis? I mean yeah there is a risk, verrrrry small i might add, but the probability is slim to none.... and ok, if you did contract it from this one episode of a handjob, (unlikely), then its a bacteria. antibiotics to the rescue. Viruses are forever.....
Thank you hehapu!
And no more google (at leats for STD and HIV) =D
And no more google (at leats for STD and HIV) =D
I´m so happy for you that you´ve found some self-help already :) and definitely, stay out of the internet, never ever google!
Hi Friends!
I've almost finished to read "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", and it has been very useful.
I've identified many problems that I've been struggled since I was a teenager. But I also notice that many of my anxiety and obsessions have been with me for many, many years, so today I make an appointment with a famous psychiatrist here in Mexico. My first appointment will be on monday.
For health's sake, I'll reduce the time of reading in internet about STD and HIV, because I've notice that it increases my anxiety, and there are a lot of misleading and false information. Anyway, I'll give updates here of my condition.
Regards
I've almost finished to read "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", and it has been very useful.
I've identified many problems that I've been struggled since I was a teenager. But I also notice that many of my anxiety and obsessions have been with me for many, many years, so today I make an appointment with a famous psychiatrist here in Mexico. My first appointment will be on monday.
For health's sake, I'll reduce the time of reading in internet about STD and HIV, because I've notice that it increases my anxiety, and there are a lot of misleading and false information. Anyway, I'll give updates here of my condition.
Regards
Hi Friends! Today I started to read "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" (it is one of the books that joggen suggested). I bought it in Amazon (I have a very nice Kindle DX):
http://www.amazon.com/The-Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-ebook/dp/B004HD62TY/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1347326023&sr=8-1
I have just read chapter 1, where the author describes the differences among mental conditions.
I'll read all the book, follow the exercises and techniques and I hope that the next month I'll be able to afford a good therapist. Here in Mexico a good therapist charges about 75 dollars per hour.
Besides that I have felt fine today. I'm trying to reduce my self-talk, and it worked.
Good night.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-ebook/dp/B004HD62TY/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1347326023&sr=8-1
I have just read chapter 1, where the author describes the differences among mental conditions.
I'll read all the book, follow the exercises and techniques and I hope that the next month I'll be able to afford a good therapist. Here in Mexico a good therapist charges about 75 dollars per hour.
Besides that I have felt fine today. I'm trying to reduce my self-talk, and it worked.
Good night.
Listen to hehapu.... her and I have been working through our anxieties together and she is very right about the therapy .... It does work to talk it out....
That happens to all of us, when it comes to me I can not use common sense, but when it comes to others I´m completely logical. Still, try to see your case from a logical "scientific" point of view. Buenas noches
Hi hehapu, yes, I'm looking for a therapist right now.
Besides that, I'll read some of the books that joggen suggested: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Anxiety-Support/Suggested-Resources--Please-Read/show/1126586
And yep, you're right: It's dangerous to take medicine without a legal prescription!
I have found a very interesting and sad post of the "what-if" persistent thing:
"Instead on this board I find people running the ‘what if’ scenarios and sure they will be the first one to be infected by a bird the happened to scratch them. Which is a true story. He was on here for at least 6 months, tons of negative tests and still sure. Why was he so sure? The bird happened to be owned by someone with HIV. Sounds pretty funny, but it’s a wake up call for those of us that are positive, that there are still people that would be scared to death to be in the same room with someone that is positive."
http://www.thebody.com/cgi-bin/bbs/showflat.php?C=&Board=infected&Number=58306
I think that it's completely ridiculous that someone is afraid of getting HIV because a bird (who was owned by a HIV positive person) scratched him, but I cannot think straight in my case, because someone has touched my penis with her bare hand, and I think that I'll develop syphilis =(
Good night
Besides that, I'll read some of the books that joggen suggested: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Anxiety-Support/Suggested-Resources--Please-Read/show/1126586
And yep, you're right: It's dangerous to take medicine without a legal prescription!
I have found a very interesting and sad post of the "what-if" persistent thing:
"Instead on this board I find people running the ‘what if’ scenarios and sure they will be the first one to be infected by a bird the happened to scratch them. Which is a true story. He was on here for at least 6 months, tons of negative tests and still sure. Why was he so sure? The bird happened to be owned by someone with HIV. Sounds pretty funny, but it’s a wake up call for those of us that are positive, that there are still people that would be scared to death to be in the same room with someone that is positive."
http://www.thebody.com/cgi-bin/bbs/showflat.php?C=&Board=infected&Number=58306
I think that it's completely ridiculous that someone is afraid of getting HIV because a bird (who was owned by a HIV positive person) scratched him, but I cannot think straight in my case, because someone has touched my penis with her bare hand, and I think that I'll develop syphilis =(
Good night
Hey! I´ve been dealing with same type of fears, same situation as yours no risk but still worrying.... I looked for professional help and I´m doing so much better now. Have you considered of talking to another therapist? Pero no te automediques, es peligroso!
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Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
