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Obsessing Over HIV

Hi everyone i just want to know if anyone is like me. I believe i have an extreme obsession with HIV to the point where it controls my life. Before I go further I am seeing a therapist about all of this, but I just want to know if anyone else out there is like that. I have had this fear for 5 years. I shouldn't be obsessing over this b/c I do not engage in risky sexual behavior and I have only had sex with a total of 3 people in my entire life and all have been protected except with my current boyfriend. We did it once w/o protection cus we both had been tested, but now I feel so guilty about that and my obsession with HIV is stronger. I constantly think about it when going to bed when waking up. I read so much about it that I feel as if I have some of the symptoms!! i know its irrational b/c im negative, but can worrying about something for so long make you believe that you have it or make you feel as if you have symptoms of it?! I know everyone is gonna tell me you dont have it bc the test proves that, but I just want to know if there are other people out there who feel like me?! I feel extremely crazy at times over this. I just want to see or know that im not the only one experiencing this.
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Avatar universal
Like you I suffer from anxiety on the subject and it makes life hard, although I improve mainly but get a little worse when some "incident" takes place.  The book that has helped me is called "Self Help for Your Nerves"" by Dr Claire Weekes- she is the only person I have ever felt understands anxiety and has a sensible cure for it that works.  I wish I had found it a long time ago as I made no progress for years, and my HIV phobia is mild in comparison.  She also has another book that deals specifically for phobias like this.  Even though it is old, many people swear by this lady- she's a complete saint.
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1348733 tn?1277679268
thanks...i will do that
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Avatar universal
Call your local health department they should be able to advise you with free counseling resources if u don't have insurance.
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1348733 tn?1277679268
well your lucky you are in therapy....im 21 and dont know where to start with the whole therapy crap....i do need help but i just dont know where to start
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Avatar universal
i to am in therapy ...
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Avatar universal
glad to see im not alone. my therapist is really trying to help me concur this! i hope its soon cus this is taking over my life!
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1348733 tn?1277679268
honestly u arent the only 1....im the exact same way... i feel as if i have it in me and even when i take a test its still not accurate for me... i think crazy **** as if its still not fully developed in me and thats y the test can pick it up...its scary but i am on the same boat as u
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Avatar universal
You are not the only one. Read through the HIV forums and you will see. The reasons will differ- for some people it is guilt or regret over a choice of partner; for others it is OCD or a related condition. Still others probably due to scare tactics they received in a health class on HIV. And the Internet just fuels it as it promotes the false concept of tell-tale signs or symptoms (there are none).
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