I've been lurking in this forum and several others reading threads that describe similar situations to my own, but as a GAD sufferer (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) sufferer, it's been hard to find the peace of mind I'm looking for in threads about other people's situations.
I guess this is me fishing for a little reassurance. I mostly manage my anxiety on my own, and while my girlfriend is aware of my situation, I don't like to put it all on her everytime I feel like having a panic attack.
So, here's my not-so-unique tale of woe:
Late last year I was on the rebound and generally miserable. Drunk off my *** in Seoul on the famed 'Hooker Hill' (an area where GI's go to sleep with Korean prostitutes) I found myself with a Korean prostitute. Prior to anything occuring, she cleaned my penis with an antibacterial wipe before applying a condom and performing protected oral sex.
Soon after this we attempted protected vaginal intercourse (and, in my drunken state, I can only confirm that I was still wearing a condom. I'm not sure whether or not she changed it). Being as drunk as I was, this didn't work. I eventually pulled out and, being thoroughly disgusted with myself, left.
Since then I've had protected sex with two girls I was dating (and with Korean visa law, they had to be HIV clean to be in the country) and have now been in a commited relationship for about five months. We've been having unprotected sex for two of those (and she's aware of my story).
I'm due for my own HIV test (a visa requirement) this week and I guess I'm terrified that it'll come out positive. Not so much for me (although that's plenty scary) but more because it would almost be certain that I'd infected my girlfriend along the way.
As far as I'm aware, the condom was intact. I've never had a condom break, so I can't say whether or not it's something I'd notice. At no point during sexual contact of either kind was I unprotected. Being obsessive and anxious, I've done plenty of reading. Korea's already got one of the world's lowest incidences of HIV infection, and from my reading, sex workers are required to be STD tested every three months.
I guess, despite knowing all of this, I'm still anxious to the point of appetite loss and distraction at work. Am I worrying for nothing?