PLEASE HELP SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AFTER HIV RISK

[Jonderland]

Hi I'm so worried right now I recent had an exposure with a sex worker and I opened the condom to put it on but she stopped me and said she wants to put it on and though I was hesitant I allowed her to put it on and she put it over the tip without eemovig the air then put her mouth over it and pushed the roll back and the air was gone! At the time I didn't think of anything but then I had sex with her for around 30 seconds but the next day I realised what if she bit the tip and created a hole to get rid of the air? I would have felt if she bit my penis however I'm concerned about the tip after ejaculation the condom seemed intact but I'm scared as I practised biting into condom tips at home they create very tiny 1mm hole max. 64 hours I was put on pep but I'm really worried as I've begun pep so late! Especially thinking about the window period I get really worried thinking for the next 6 months I'll be unaware of my HIV status!! Please help I beg someone to reply to this

Regards,
John

[RubyWitch]

As CurfewX explained to you, sex workers provide condoms in order to protect themselves from YOU - not to protect you from them.  She would not have done something to put herself, and her career at risk.

You seem a bit obsessed that she may have punctured the condom on purpose...........if her motives were vindictive, as you suggest, why would she use a condom at all?

I totally agree with CurfewX that you NEVER had a risk, you did NOT need to test and you did NOT need to begin PEP.

In your first response to CurfewX you wrote..........."My doctor said my risk was really low however I had to twist my story to get pep as it wasn't recommended."

CurfewX and I were obviously responding at the same time and I didn't see that remark until AFTER I had posted.......which is why I am leaving this post immediately. If you won't be totally honest with your doctor, I have nothing left to say.

Your question has been asked and answered by CurfewX  

[Jonderland]

6 weeks seems very reassuring and able time to wait thank you for that information

[Jonderland]

Thank you for the reply rubie! I'm almost certain that it wasn't bitten when she unrolled as I'd have felt it on my penis it's just the fact the covered 3/4 of my tip with it with the air bubble there then put her mouth over the condom for like 4 seconds then was unrolling it until it came to the base of my penis and to my surprise when her mouth came off the air bubble was no longer there? Upon ejaculation I could see the seman trapped and feel it however I had concerns about the reservoir being punctured on purpose! Thank you so much for the link I read it just now however it doesn't tell me about any long term side effects or PEP?? Is this something to be concerned about? I'm on truvada and isentress currently? Thank you so much for reading and I look forward to hearing from you!!

[RubyWitch]

I honestly don't think you had a risk. If the CSW had accidentally bit a hole in the condom, as she unrolled it to the base of your penis, stretching the condom, the hole would have been apparent to both of you. Condoms are pretty strong but once they have been compromised, they tend to fail quite noticeably.
Also, if there HAD been a hole, thrusting would have caused the condom to fail completely.

I can understand your concern, but biting into condoms at home proves nothing except that it can be done.

While you may have pushed the envelope for PEP, you were WITHIN the 72 hour window period..........THAT is the only thing that matters.

We do not know the exact percentages in time that PEP changes testing results, however, in one study involving health care workers, PEP reduced the risk of HIV transmission by 81%.

Here at MedHelp, we have never seen someone test negative with an antibody test 6 weeks post PEP.......then becoming positive later on. So while 6 weeks no doubts feels horribly long, the test at 6 weeks should give you a reassurance.

If you would like to read more about studies on the effectiveness of PEP, I would encourage you to google "PEP CATIE Powerpoint" the top search result should be: "What's involved in Taking PEP- CATIE" and that is a great resource too for more detailed, accurate & reliable information on the topic.

While you WILL have to wait 6 months for 100% conclusive post PEP results, the guidelines for post-PEP HIV-antibody testing is recommended  at six weeks, three moths and six months.

I sincerely understand how the fear of HIV can cause some terribly negative thinking and a massive amount of fear, HIV is no longer a death sentence! There are thousands of people living very happy, normal and productive lives while also living with HIV. I don't like hearing you speak of suicide, so I have included some information from the San Francisco HIV Suicide Hotline. If you EVER think for even one second it would be better to end things now, please, I beg you.........CALL THESE PEOPLE!!!!

I am very sorry you are living this nightmare and I wish you the very best outcome.
Warmly,
RubyWitch

___________________________________________________________
HIV NIGHTLINE
OPEN 24/7, EVERY NIGHT
Call 415/ 434-2437 or
800/ 628-9240 Nationwide

The HIV/AIDS Nightline responds to over 15,000 calls annually from all over the United States.  People call us for many reasons: people just testing HIV positive, people in later stages of AIDS feeling isolated and/or concerned about their medications, caregivers buckling under the stress of caring for a loved one at home, and people concerned about their HIV risks.  What makes the Nightline unique is our hours.  For people receiving their HIV test results after work at a clinic, for people having a night of unsafe sexual exposure, or people who are just scared..........the program is often the only resource open for immediate care.

[Jonderland]

Thank you that's quite reassuring so to finish off if there was a pinhole at the reservoir of the condom though theoretically possible you'd say the risk was minute??
Otherwise no risk if it hadn't been bitten? In regards to PEP I'm on my 6th day shall I continue and finished the course? As I asked my doctor and he said it's highly unlikely but I should finish the course anyway now that I've began, any advice??

[CurfewX]

I'm not going to change my answer - in my opinion, you had NO RISK.  The scenario you described is NOT how HIV is transmitted.

[Jonderland]

*hiv virus from vaginal fluid DIFFUSED into my seman and infected me though I was wondering if it's possible for HIV viruses to move from one medium to another? This is my major concern! :(

[Jonderland]

Thank you so much for the quick reply, I just thought however maybe shes a vindictive person or that she doesn't know how to put them on correctly and just does it her own style? My theory was if there was a pin hole since it seemed air tight I don't think her fluid could have gotten in however when I ejaculated the delay whilst he condon was on for like 10 seconds meant that HIV virus diffuse from the vaginal fluid into my seman then infect me on my foreskin or tip? Do you think I should continue pep? My doctor said my risk was really low however I had to twist my story to get pep as it wasn't recommended so shall I just continue it any way? Thank you so much for reading and I look forward to hearing from you!
Regards
John

[CurfewX]

You had NO RISK.  If the condom had been bitten and had a pinhole, it would have burst open when you were having sex. It absolutely would have, but even if not, legendary condom "pinholes" aren't how people get HIV.  People get HIV, sexually, from having UNPROTECTED penetrative anal or vaginal sex.

Sex workers provide condoms in order to protect themselves from YOU - not to protect you from them.  She would not have done something to put herself, and her career at risk.

You did not need PEP and you do not need to test as you had no risk for HIV.