Aa
Potential Hiv exposure
I am a 20 y/o hetro male that just moved to SF, CA for school. Exactly 65 days ago I was thrown out of a club and some random guy took me back to his place. I was pretty intoxicated and can only recall parts of the night, but eventually blacked out on a bed. I woke up the next morning, still slightly intoxicated and got the f*** out of there as fast as possible (I saw the guy sleeping in the next room). I am an otherwise healthy male with no prior medical conditions. I have run a few scenarios in my head (adjusted for symptoms I have tracked) and have a few questions as to the level of risk and consequently the level of stress/anxiety I am feeling and if it is justified. After a couple days of the incident I did fully examine myself for any marks or indication of foul play. I did notice protruding hemorrhoids, which could be explained by the excessive alcohol consumption in combination with a history of hemorrhoids (from poor diet). Question 1:
1. If there was any anal penetration would I felt it the next day?
As I investigated further, the anxiety and stress exponentially increased. I jumped to conclusions like I have been infected with an STD or I have been infected with HIV. While I didn't exhibit the classic ARS symptoms within the 2-6 week period they are usually experienced, it was somewhat relieving, but then again (statistically speaking) ARS is only present in about 70% of recently infected individuals. Logically going through what I can do, I decided to get tested (knowing it was just a preliminary test but rationalized that it would be a good indication of what my future HIV test results would be). At 41 days, just shy of 6 weeks, I had a rapid HIV test done, which came back negative. THANK GOD and I'm an atheist. The main symptoms I have been having though is this persistent white tongue that keeps coming back no matter how much I clean it. The more I research the less I know about what it could be. From clinical descriptions, I have ruled out thrush, since it is neither painful nor patchy (its probably painful because it bleeds duh >.<). But now it only leaves one other option really, this OHL thing. The further I dig the more it points to preliminary OHL. My entire tongue is coated white. When I clean it using a orabrush and tongue scrapper this thick white substances comes off, but the underlying tongue seems to still be white (almost hairy like). Along with that, I have these red painless nodules or lump like things in the back of my throat. It has been almost 48 days since I have noticed these two symptoms and realized it could be due to EBV, which reinforces this idea that I might actually have OHL. The whole OHL thing is the part that is really f***ing scaring me because most clinical articles/ medical sites I have read through indicate that OHL is a early sign of HIV infection. WTH!! The professionals on boards here and other sites are generally saying that OHL/Thrush are late stage symptoms of HIV Infection. Questions:
2. Who / What to believe?!
3. What could be tongue be telling me about what I have?
4. How reassuring is a negative 41 day rapid test (I am assuming it is the latest generation test, but think it doesn't really matter)?
5. What are the chance the this is actually OHL (I have had this persistent white tongue for almost 7-8 weeks now along with those red lumps/nodules in the back of my throat, but no sore throat the entire time)?
6. I have two small pea sized lumps about half way under my jaw line (on both sides). Could these be swollen lymph nodes due to infection or me prodding around looking for things that indicate I am sick (god FML)?
I am so distraught and exhausted, I have almost given up. I have almost accepted the fact that I am HIV pos and thought about how I can find this guy and confront him (most likely slowly torturing him until he begs me to stop, then starting all over again). I don't think I would be able to tell my parents and really feel like my life is over. I know the odds of something like this happening are statistically improbable but f*** I am in San Francisco and I have the worst f***ing luck. Please I know this post is a complete mess, but so am I.
1. If there was any anal penetration would I felt it the next day?
As I investigated further, the anxiety and stress exponentially increased. I jumped to conclusions like I have been infected with an STD or I have been infected with HIV. While I didn't exhibit the classic ARS symptoms within the 2-6 week period they are usually experienced, it was somewhat relieving, but then again (statistically speaking) ARS is only present in about 70% of recently infected individuals. Logically going through what I can do, I decided to get tested (knowing it was just a preliminary test but rationalized that it would be a good indication of what my future HIV test results would be). At 41 days, just shy of 6 weeks, I had a rapid HIV test done, which came back negative. THANK GOD and I'm an atheist. The main symptoms I have been having though is this persistent white tongue that keeps coming back no matter how much I clean it. The more I research the less I know about what it could be. From clinical descriptions, I have ruled out thrush, since it is neither painful nor patchy (its probably painful because it bleeds duh >.<). But now it only leaves one other option really, this OHL thing. The further I dig the more it points to preliminary OHL. My entire tongue is coated white. When I clean it using a orabrush and tongue scrapper this thick white substances comes off, but the underlying tongue seems to still be white (almost hairy like). Along with that, I have these red painless nodules or lump like things in the back of my throat. It has been almost 48 days since I have noticed these two symptoms and realized it could be due to EBV, which reinforces this idea that I might actually have OHL. The whole OHL thing is the part that is really f***ing scaring me because most clinical articles/ medical sites I have read through indicate that OHL is a early sign of HIV infection. WTH!! The professionals on boards here and other sites are generally saying that OHL/Thrush are late stage symptoms of HIV Infection. Questions:
2. Who / What to believe?!
3. What could be tongue be telling me about what I have?
4. How reassuring is a negative 41 day rapid test (I am assuming it is the latest generation test, but think it doesn't really matter)?
5. What are the chance the this is actually OHL (I have had this persistent white tongue for almost 7-8 weeks now along with those red lumps/nodules in the back of my throat, but no sore throat the entire time)?
6. I have two small pea sized lumps about half way under my jaw line (on both sides). Could these be swollen lymph nodes due to infection or me prodding around looking for things that indicate I am sick (god FML)?
I am so distraught and exhausted, I have almost given up. I have almost accepted the fact that I am HIV pos and thought about how I can find this guy and confront him (most likely slowly torturing him until he begs me to stop, then starting all over again). I don't think I would be able to tell my parents and really feel like my life is over. I know the odds of something like this happening are statistically improbable but f*** I am in San Francisco and I have the worst f***ing luck. Please I know this post is a complete mess, but so am I.
Ok,lets put this all in perspective because this is obviously worrying you a great deal.Classic ARS symptoms are very sore throat,very high fever and rashes on trunk-torso and limbs,you have none of these symptoms.Oral Hairy Leukoplakia lessions do occur in the later stages of the virus.
Yea, for 9 weeks I have rummaged through healthboard after healthboard and it has just been feeding this irrational paranoia without bounds. I finally had the conviction to actually write down what I have been going through, as unsystematic and unstructured as it maybe, it has been somewhat therapeutic. It probably isn't going to change the fact that I will continue be anxious until these test; however unnecessary as they may seem, are completed. But this is an invaluable resource and for your time and commitment to help individuals, regardless of any filtering parameters, world wide. Thank you.
Yea, paranoia which stems from not knowing what happened that night. I will never lose control like that again. I will never drink again. I am young and I will be stronger from this experience. All I can think of is "how could do this to my parents, after all they have done for me". I have had such wild swings in how my life may play out that I have almost become numb and indifferent to what actually is happening. I have tried to think pragmatically, but it has been this vicious negative feedback cycle that derails any logic. Looking at it from the outside I see how pathetic I might sound, but I just feel so f***ed. This white tongue in combination with the f***ing internet is killing me.
I tried, I really did. Assuming nothing happened, what can explain the "OHL" like tongue. Can stress and anxiety cause a physical symptom like white persistent coating on tongue. I could just have a garden variety virus, but does it have an incubation period of 8 weeks!? The next logical step would be to make an appointment with a dentist, which I have. and get another hiv test done at the 12/13 week mark to conclusively rule it out. But have you ever seen a negative 6 week rapid test (finger prick/blood) turn positive 6-7 weeks later?
Just indulge me, please >.<
Just indulge me, please >.<
"I know the odds of something like this happening are statistically improbable but f*** I am in San Francisco and I have the worst f***ing luck."
You probably aren't more likely to be raped in San Francisco than anywhere else. Anyway if you were raped you would probably have known about it while it was happening if not the next morning- you wouldn't be here questioning it. And at 6 weeks 99% of people will test positive anyway, so the test essentially confirms that you never had a risk.
I really think that your main issue is paranoia which is making it difficult for you to deal with the fact that you may have been vulnerable for a period of time. If you remain worried have a final test at 3 months- expect another negative.
You probably aren't more likely to be raped in San Francisco than anywhere else. Anyway if you were raped you would probably have known about it while it was happening if not the next morning- you wouldn't be here questioning it. And at 6 weeks 99% of people will test positive anyway, so the test essentially confirms that you never had a risk.
I really think that your main issue is paranoia which is making it difficult for you to deal with the fact that you may have been vulnerable for a period of time. If you remain worried have a final test at 3 months- expect another negative.
Stop jumping to conclusions,if you were anally penetrated,you would have had a very sore rectum the next day,In other words you would have known.Its not logical to assume that happened.Relax and be rational and think about what you are saying.
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