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Terrified of My Ex Being HIV Positive and Not Telling Me

Hi everyone. So, long story short I recently ended a relationship about two months ago. We were together for 9 months and I ended things because he turned out to be a liar. I found out he was up late talking to his ex(he told me after I confronted him) And I found out before that on the same day,that he'd hidden me on his Facebook page. I wasn't showing up as a mutual friend or on his page as the person he was in a relationship with after HE came to me saying he wanted to make our relationship public. At this time he was assigned a new job 3 hours away with his current job. So in my mind, the snake was planning to date and hangout while he's in another city for work. During our relationship I gave him one too many chances after he'd shown me he was not completely faithful. I found out after his ex reached out, he went back and started talking to her. We talked about it and he told me he wanted to earn my trust back and didn't want to lose me. So we started over from there.

Perhaps the scariest part is I don't know if he's physically cheated with someone else but I also think that he has. Back in March at his place I saw that a box of condoms was empty(this was before I caught him talking to an ex. I should have left him at this very moment). The problem with this is
..we stopped using them. A while after we became an item (he sat me down and asked me to be with him) and we used condoms only a few times and decided to stop. So I found the boxes and initially it was two new, unopened boxes then we used a few out of one box. So...one box should not have been empty. The second box was also opened with only 7 left. So of course I asked him about it and he claimed we used a lot more than I remember. The only reason I didn't disagree is because I couldn't remember how many we used but I know it couldn't have been an entire box either. We were intimate a lot before we made things official so it wouldn't be impossible to have used a box but I swear I don't remember using that many. And even still, the second box should not have been opened and he shouldn't have any of we stopped using them anyway.

So, fast forward to the breakup which was the beginning or middle of August I asked him if he ever dated anyone while I was with him, or, if he's ever kissed anyone else or had any sexual contact of any kind. He told me no that he would never do that to me and that he doesn't cheat. Of course I don't believe that since he's proven dishonest before.

I'm just so full if regret and terrified to test. I initially did an Oraquick back in 2018 and tested negative. I had sex with a previous partner 1 time a year before I met my ex and he's negative for HIV as well (he tested after our encounter.) So idk maybe my chances are low but this is just..scary. I hate that I ever met him and now I literally don't want sex until I'm married. It's just scary trusting people in general though. No more unprotected sex for me:( but please leave any advice I would greatly appreciate it
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3191940 tn?1447268717
If you haven't had unprotected intercourse with him since August (or before), you can take a test any time now for your conclusive result.
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Avatar universal
None of us know, including you, what your ex did or didn't do.  If you don't trust him, you were right to break up with him because if you can't trust, it's not time for a relationship with anyone.  I'm not sure why talking to his ex is a problem.  I'm friends with women I'm no longer with.  I still like them as people, that's why I got involved with them in the first place.  That doesn't translate to having sex with them.  Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't.  My point being, yes, get tested for HIV if you've had unprotected sex with someone you don't know the status of.  But I would suggest other things are more important and likely, which means emotional issues that sound like they need some work.  You don't want to life a whole life like this, counting condoms.  Right?  Peace.
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I don't have "emotional issues." I did however have the issue of giving a jerk snake like him another chance:) if you choose to do so that's your life. I however don't and will never appreciate my significant other telling me about how his ex reached out and that he blocked her, only for me to find out a few days later he went and added her and started talking to her again...except he hid that part from me. So yeah again, I don't like that u trustworthy people and there's nothing wrong with that. Thanks for your advice anyhow I guess..
You have posted about him  in the relationships forum. This hiv prevention forum is to provide advice whether people need to test or if they had a risk.
Avatar universal
I meant that you were advised of testing timelines before. There is nothing to do but test if you are concerned.
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Avatar universal
That is a long epic story with a lot of irrelevant parts, but I think your situation boils down to unprotected vaginal in August, 2020. You can take a duo test after 4 weeks for a conclusive result or any other is conclusive after 12 weeks, so all you need to do is take the duo now or wait until November to take any test. Oral is not a risk for hiv so if that is all you did you had no risk anyway.
Helpful - 0
But you knew all this before so not sure why you are asking again. https://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/Afraid-of-potential-exposure-after-rough-sex/show/3052099
I wasn't asking you specifically...not sure why you said that. Also, yes I've previously posted regarding my ex but we were together at that time. And no, we didn't use condoms throughout the course of our relationship(9 months.) Except just a few times before. The other parts are very relevant because they show that since I found missing condoms he could have been having sex with someone else because we stopped using condoms shortly after becoming intimate as well as exclusive...
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