Hiv anxiety phobia paranoid

[prung]

I have a hiv anxiety for decade,I have sex with girl and condom broke 14 years ago,since then I have anxiety problem,2 years  before I have sex with 2 girl only,it’s about 2 years ago,the condom never broke,the girl I have sex are also look fine.now I have a girlfriend that I love her very much,we date about 4 months.we hug and kisses a lot,she is ready for sex but I can’t do because of this hiv anixiety,I am so paranoid and thinking negative thoughts like she will infected hiv if I sex with her.so this thoughts makes me me so panic and stress.I want to test for hiv but I cannot test.sometimes I think I don’t test and have sex with her but negative thoughts makes me crazy,it’s 24 hours in my mind.Need some help,Thankyou

[GuitarRox]

Ah, dude. Hard to read you suffer like this. Not sure where you live but anxiety is a disorder that is treatable. Talk therapy and medication or AT LEAST talk therapy can really help. ERP is good for ocd, irrational intrusive thoughts. This is impacting your life. You can do it online these days. Again, not sure where you life. You can read about how to deal with intrusive thoughts at the least. Things like, thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't real and they can't hurt me. And facing your fear. You sound to be in a committed relationship. You both go and take a test. When it is negative, you can use a condom and engage in sex. After you do it, the fear may rise again but you remember, thoughts are just thoughts. You have to have a normal life including being sexual so talk to a therapist, alright?

[Sillymistake87]

The only answer for this is to test.

Could you have gotten HIV 14 years ago? Yeah sure but its unlikely from a single M/F exposure.