Hi to everyone.
I found this site last February when I was having a particularly bad time with heart beat irregularity and other symptoms. The relief of being able to talk to other people who understand has been overwhelming and then I was waiting to go back to cardio clinic and to have the holter and treadmill test, so I had no assurances that all was well, just a set of continuous bigeminy/trigeminy episodes and the horrors that went with that. I have experienced PAC's for over 15 years and although worried about them I could just about tolerate them coming occasionally in ones and two's. Suddenly this year all that changed, I got up one afternoon from using the pc and was overwhelmed by runs and runs of them coming every other beat, every two and if I was really lucky, every three. This has gone on permanently since then, as I type tonight I am in bigeminy and so desperate I am reduced to completely numb and calm. I have had the treadmill test which I could only tolerate for five minutes I was so terrified, and a 48hr holter; a heart rate of 140+ removed all the PAC's, and the holter produced nothing to worry about even though I was in bigeminy the whole time, with some ventricular ectopics thrown in for good measure. I have to wait until late May to go back to the clinic to discuss everything more fully with the consultant. I have been told by the registrar at clinic that I should not be symptomatic at all even though every other beat is a PAC, and my breathlessness, lightheadedness, nausea and chest discomfort are all anxiety. No echo as I had one three years ago which was normal. I was firmly and politely sent away to cope on my own with a script for cardicor which I was to try after the treadmill test and not before. Well, for the past couple of days I have wandered into the posts about anxiety because alot of folk here have arrhythmia and anxiety like chicken and egg, and I am beginning to wonder if I have health anxiety which is currently focussing on my heart and this dreadful and unbearable irregularity that makes me wonder if I will ever be normal again ( to be truthful I am amazed I am still alive ) . I have unusual circumstances here at home , which makes me think that is why I don't seem to be able to get past the anxiety stage with the cardio doctor - I have a daughter who is terminally ill and severely disabled and I look after her full-time on my own, I have a lovely husband who works long hours to support us, but it means I am on my own for the majority of the time. Nikki had pneumonia all over last christmas and a month into 2009 and I looked after her 24hrs and I was relatively okay, had ectopics from time to time as normal, but I avoid caffeine and sugar and alcohol and food triggers like everyone else here, and I coped of sorts. When she started to rally at the end of January / February then the continuous palpitations started for me and I expected them to settle after a while and they haven't. I am so frightened, I have cold sweats, rapid heart-rate, slow heart-rate, low BP, a whole range of symptoms plus the hot flushes of menopause, shaking legs, tremors inside, too many to mention here. I can't decide if I am anxious and this is affecting my heart or vice-versa. Is it hormonal due to menopause, is it fear because ofmy daughter's condition ? Goodness only knows. People who know me say how calm I am, I am screaming inside. I am unable to eat peacefully, walk around , sleep or do anything normal that I used to do. I am terrified of being in the house on my own with Nikki and sleep fully clothed and made-up just in case I have to go to hospital in the middle of the night. I feel embarrassed and ridiculous. On the self-help side, I have been using relaxation tapes which do help, and have been trying to exercise a little although starting in arrythmia really really scares me. I am also reading Claire Weekes but how to be positive with myself I am yet to achieve. Does anyone else have stories about how they cope with this ? I seem to tick all the boxes for a chronically anxious person, have never taken medication for it preferring to soldier through each day, but being in bigeminy most of the time has worn me down so much I am not sure I can carry on like this. Any help will be so much appreciated.
Kind wishes. Julie.