my gf is breaking with me because I have hep b

[JLZhang]

i was born with hep b and i told my gf about it when we first dated, and she has been fine with it. But she recently told her parents about it, and they were really mad about it. they said there is no way that they would agree for us to be together.

i was going to propose to her next month and now she said she couldn't take the pressure from her parents no more...and she wanted to end the relationship!

what should i do? i feel like killing myself....

[stevenNYer]

Sorry about your situation, the suddeness of it all must be difficult.

Interpersonal relationships and how you feels towards another person is not a light switch, you don't just turn it on and off.  Give it a little time to let the emotions and fear settle down and have a real discussuion on the problem at hand.  People often find that it's not as bad as it seems.

You girlfriend and her parents probably have limited understanding about HepB and are afraid of it.  Assure them that you are likely fine and will live a long life even without doing a thing for HepB.  Let them know that your girlfriend could take the vaccine and be immuned to HepB and future generation will also be free of HepB.  Allow everyone (including yourself) time to learn about HepB.  

The regulars on this board are all married and have family.  We do okay ...and you will too.  Having HepB doesn't have to ruin your life.  It's one of the many obstacles in life.  It will turn out okay.

Keep us informed of how things go.

[zellyf]

What should you do?  There's nothing you can do about your gf situation.  That's her decision to make and you just have to live with it.  Sad but true.  Life tests us constantly and more times than not all we can control is our response.

Many of us here have had our hearts broken and lives disrupted and lived to tell.  If you are so despondent that you feel suicidal you need professional help and you need to find out why you place more value on situations that are subject to shifts and variations than something more permanent that would keep you moored to this life even during hardships.  

[JLZhang]

thank you both for your comments. my girlfriend's parents are being very protective of their daughter, which is totally understandable. they don't want to take the risk....

they are worried that i will die young (in my 40s), they are worried that i will not be able to be the man in the family and look after their daughter....

i said i feel like killing myself not becasue of a broken relationship, but more the way they made me feel, like i'm a "damaged goods", a "secondary" person....

is it true that people with hep b will not be able to work long hours? not be able to look after their wife and family? how long can i live? will i die younger than normal people? or will I turn really sick when i'm older??

[bberry]

First, i feel sorry for your gf situation but like zellyf said there isnt much you can do if she decided to part away. sad and it hurts but isnt the end not for you and not for her. hope she does take the time to educate herself and her parents about hepB

as for your questions as follow:
is it true that people with hep b will not be able to work long hours?

- not less than the usual 8,10.12.14 hours that some do. rest is needed for people with hepB so that their liver can take a break from the daily punches but there is not reason why you dont work for 8 10 or 15 hours if you choose to. just give time for your body to rest just like people without hepB need to.

not be able to look after their wife and family?
- most of the regulars, like steve said, are married with children. we all look after our families with not less effort, work, love, attention that people without.

how long can i live? will i die younger than normal people?
- as long as God has decided for you to live. seconds, minutes, a year or two and ofcourse maybe 60 or 70 years from today.hepB wont kill you when taken care of.. i think Steve , first person to reply to you,  always says , people with HepB will probably die with it but NOT because of it . get it ? :-)




or will I turn really sick when i'm older??
-  hmmm why would you say that ?


now , you need to give us some more info on your status with hepB so that we can help you better . each hepB sitution is kind of unique and different from the others.
you now know that you are asian, born with it and that tells us a few things about your HepB but have you done any testings such as liver panel , hepB profile and DNA quant ? are you seeing a doctor now? are you being treated or monitored?
please list these information so that someone on here can give an educated opinion of where you stand


good luck with the gf situation.

[zellyf]

bberry already addressed the pragmatic issues.

I'm 37 and already I've had people in my social circle without Hep B get cancer and die.  The youngest was 3 years old.  

None of us were promised a guarantee of a long life.  Good health is not a right.  Will you live a long time?  Maybe. Will you die young?  Maybe.  There are  more unknowns than knowns in the world of Hep B and it that regard its not much different than anyone else's life. We just have a hyper-focus for the same concerns about mortality that everyone else has.

And we are, in some ways, more at risk...that is true.  But most people with chronic Hep B live normal lives.  What if you're one of them?  You don't want to be 75 and think, "Wish I'd known I was going to live this long."

Don't make any decisions right after a painful break up.  They won't be good ones.  

[ohboyohboy]

Hello bbery,

I feel your pain. I've been through such situation after I found out about my status. Things do work out. With time and more focus on yourself and your health. You need to educate yourself on hepb. Once that is done, a lot of your anxiety, concerns, worries etc will be eliminated.

If you can don’t let this virus control your life. Yes you need to give it attention, do all the necessary things (checks up, medication if needed) you must do to make things more comfortable for you and well with your health. But it’s important to not be consumed by this virus.

Educate yourself and those around you, and seek cancelling. I did at the beginning and it helped a lot. Things will work out by themselves. They always do.

[ohboyohboy]

I meant JLZhang not bbery

[EmilyBaker]

Sorry for the late post. It's been awhile since I log on. I had the same experience after diagnose with inactive Hep B. My then boyfriend broke up with me after hearing the news. First time in my life, a man broke up with me when i need the support the most. I understand and know the neglect, self pity, fear, and self isolation. Living with this disease, you are more limited with choices on who are your best friend and significant other. Along with your health concern, you will face social concern as well.

But for me, the breakup experience is a good one. Imagine I married him and he leave me. I don't want to waste years to find out that. If someone love you, they will accept that. I agree your choice is more limited. For my case, I still have marriage proposals even after hearing my conditions. I still have people come up to me and ask for dates on the street. But, i evaluate deeper into a person's character now than i ever did before. My current boyfriend support and love. I told him after two months of dating and he fully except it.  Surround your life with friends and family. It could be good thing in disguise. Sorry for intrude, if your gf loves you, I don't think her family will be an issue. I am not sure where you are from. I live in USA so our tradition might be different. I do have asian background so I do understand that tradition as well :)

Best wishes for you through tough time.

[cajim]

From your last name "Zhang" you may be Chinese or read Chinese.  Read the lab sheets here:  http://www.medhelp.org/personal_pages/user/900408.  Hep B may not be as frightening when it is curable like a common cold, not just controllable.  Follow up on the development.  Best wishes!

[cajim]

This is the right link:   http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Hepatitis-B/Can-HBV-be-cleared--not-just-controlled--NOW/show/947024

[Peteshine]

Guys,

You make me so proud..... Proud to have accepted that i have HBV and proud that i can communicate with other people in the same situation as myself and not treating HBV as a death sentence. There were so many interesting points from everyone on this thread that it would be impossible to reference it. Firstly, i'm sure we all went thru the same questions when we found out we had HepB.... The most important one for me was 'will i die young'... The investigation into current treatment is on-going, the fight is still on-going and sooner than later i'm sure they will come up with even better treatment. Whether we will ever be able to smash this disease is another thing but just knowing (and being able to do something about it) is as good as gold in my opinion. You have it, you know you have it, look after yourself.

God has a plan for each person and like Kellyf said its not about how long you have left on this earth but rather what you do with the time you have here...

Theres me being a slight hypocrite in being all positive as one who has never felt the pain of being rejected by a partner simply because of another obstacle in life ( i do feel ya) but i think it would be best to do your research, have a sit down and take it from there.....

[Sumei000]

I had the same experience like you. I told the man that I date on the first day. He said nothing. I met his family too. I even explained to him that my dad, he is a blood donor all his life. In fact my mom, she is a Hep B carrier and i am a carrier too. I also told him that my brother married to a non carrier and the baby tested, he is non Hep B carrier. On the second date, he called off the relationship with me due to the problem I had. I was very sad even thought is only second date. He was very nice to me. He told me he has the same feeling like me how I felt for him. We even had sex with condom on the second date. He gave me so much hope and make me feel so good for accepting me. Now,I felt like he putting a knife into my heart.

The feeling that I had now is ....I got no hope of getting anyone into my life. Who want to have a girlfriend with hep B? I felt like killing myself too. I am lost! After reading all those commend above, I still don't feel good. The percentage of getting someone or for someone who can accept me like how my dad accept my mom...chances are...may be less then 1%. This is so unfair to me and to the people who are Hep B carrier. I never experience anything like someone rejected me cos of Hep B.

Tell me how to make the guys understand me with my situation? In order to accept me!

I am really lost! I am very up sad...and disappointed.

[Sumei000]

I forgot to tell you that my mom live till 61. She passed in January 09. She did not smoke and she also a non drinker. Anyway, she die of liver cancer cos she didn't not do the regular check up. She doesn't like to see doctor. That is her biggest problem!

Now I am 39, I live like normal people and I smoke too. I don't know how long I can live on but all this in the god hand.

[cajim]

You are probably ok and you will live a long time.

You are right:  keep yourself on top of the HBV, be regularly monitored and do what is best for you.

Best.

[Sumei000]

Thank you for the reply...I am not worried how long I can live. I had gone through a lot in life. I lost two person in a year (my husband and mom).  My doctor mentioned that he will send me for the test. I am still waiting for the date of appointment.

May be I am lucky to have my understanding husband before. I just never though of having Hep B will make people avoid me for having relationship with me till now. The impact from having rejection from this guy is really hard. I totally cannot imagine how much Hep B will effect my life in future relationship.

I just want to be a normal person and to live in formal live.

Please teach me and tell me how to make them understand me. Where do I start to make them understand me?

[cajim]

Knowledge is power.  First, arm yourself with as much as possible; then be candid and let the "he" understand that with positive HBsAB HBV is harmless.  You are just as good as a girl without HBV.

[Fr0sty]

I have a question, I have a similar situation with JLZhang..asian, born with the virus, my DNA quant is high (higher than the test range). The doctor advises me to keep monitoring for activity since once I start medicine it'll be for a lifetime.

My biggest concern is at what stage of the relationship should I tell my gf...I really do not know..

[cajim]

My biggest concern is at what stage of the relationship should I tell my gf...I really do not know..

--Do you agree honesty is the best policy?  If yes, as soon as you are serious with the girl let her know everything.  If you are educated, you have a good chance of educating her and win her love.

[Fr0sty]

I did a lot of research when I first found out. But I am not sure she knows much about Hep B since she is younger (I'm in college, she's HS senior).

I am unsure of what stage of seriousness. The longer I wait, the worse it'll be for me if she decides to break up. But telling her too early won't be good either.

Also, my general understanding is that everyone should be vaccinated for Hep B. It is suggested to get a booster if you're dating someone with Hep B right?

[gav177]

This is the problem that we are facing in having a relationship and if the person we love going to accept our condition afer we told them. I do believe that you going to find your woman don't worry.

[Fr0sty]

Just kind of attached to this one. As you are to yours.

[cajim]

Also, my general understanding is that everyone should be vaccinated for Hep B. It is suggested to get a booster if you're dating someone with Hep B right?

--Depends.

[hatecccdna]

Such thing always happens in China. There is a common fear among chinese on HBV, because of the high population of HBV carrier. The reason is before 1980's all needles are used repeatly without professional cleanning.
Not only because of the risk of health but also the live condition in China is very serious for HBV carriers. Companies refuse HBVer and the health insurence is almost nothing.
That is the trueth and reality.

[Fr0sty]

depends on what? the country? I am thinking about the U.S.