Nightmare

[Mary4now]

I feel like I've entered the hell realm, I'm so depressed and wondering how am I going to do this?  Like alot of other people I live from paycheck to paycheck, I have to go to work to make a living, and if I have to get the medication, it seems like some of the information says it can be gotten, and then some say it cant.  I'm wondering if my state of mind has also to do with the function of the liver.  I know that when its not functioning properly, your recirculating poison through the system.  I feel so paranoid,  I had to tell my 84 yr. old mom today that I probably got it from snorting coke 38 years ago., boy was that fun, boy in retrospect not worth it.  Where was my head at?  Working 9-5 its hardly even possible to go to the doctor,  I know I need to get on some kind of antidepressant.  I guess today I'll spring for some SamE,  I'm OK for a couple of days then all the possibilities start hitting me again, and I cant keep up the positive attitude.  I do feel really alone, This is worse than my Breast Cancer, and finding out my husband is an alcoholic and losing him to that part of his life., so now I'm me, my 84 yr. old mom and 13 yr. old dog.  Geez..........

[nygirl7]

I couldn't have done it without the antidepressants either. They helped me a LOT. I started a month BEFORE I started treatment.

Like you, I live paycheck to paycheck (single mom syndrome) and I had to come to work every day no matter what. In 72 weeks of treatment I missed only 3 days - but that was the hardest thing I ever did. Still...no choice in the matter.

So, you just got to gear up your mind...and do it. End of story.

PS I got it the same way as you but...I didn't tell my folks that - they didn't ask really and I didn't tell. But it shows how much more common it is than we ever thought huh?

Good luck!

[alagirl]

Its tough I know, really tough.  Antidepressants probably really would help.  I couldn't make it through without them, and sometimes barely with them, trust me.  Feeling alone is a common feeling to many of us, some of whom actually do live alone, and others who just feel alone by this very ostracizing disease.

How you got this disease does not matter, and in point of fact, you really don't know for certain.  You are a person and you deserve the same care and commitment of any other patient fighting for their health in this difficult situation despite how you think you may or may not have contracted HCV.  It is a virus.  A medical problem, not a personal issue.  It does not make you dirty or bad.  It makes you ill.  Just like the rest of us.

Many of the pharmaceutical companies have programs that help with or pay for the meds for some patients.  If you post with a header asking about those programs, people here will be sure to give you the numbers.  I think Foreseegood in particular may have the numbers if you post to her.

You may have a local MHMR who can help with antidepressants.  Take advantage of whatever you can find out there.  Be good to yourself.  And come back here for morale support, questions, whatever we can do.

[merryBe]

sorry, that doesn't cover it I know... it really does s...k sometimes. If we could hug through this internet you'd get bunches, permeated with prayers.
it's the "overwhelming" factor that gets to most of us...especially with jobs AND other loved ones to care for....somehow feeling you might let others down seems hardest.

Noticed you only showed up recently...so,
I think it's really hard when you first start reading in here
because there's so much to do and learn it can feel like a slippery slope you keep climbing and slipping back,,,the more you learn, the more you know you need to learn.
It helps to take prayer breaks, and also kleenex breaks.
Particularly take some light hearted chuckle movie breaks....today I watched an old chick flick and a new one, and had a healthy cry. You cannot bottle everything in, it has to come out.
Besides which, you've carried and fought this virus for 30 or so years, so you could fight and win, or fight on another 20 years. It's hard not to fear the sword of damacles hanging over you, but this is really not neccessary the end we  first think it is.
Over half of those diagnosed will treat successfully...the others will still live a decade or even much more if they take care of themselves and/or get a liver transplant.
Keep your chin up. Remember for every time you feel you can't go on, or it's not fair....
there's at least a few million, and dozens in here, that have felt the very same way...
glad you have your poochie, they are so much God's gifts. My kitty puts her nose to my face when I cry.
MaryB

[zoie47]

Forgot ~ I have a dog too. His name is Expensive! No really his name is Flash my buddy! Without him I don't think I could have made it through the last TX. He is a miniture Italian Greyhound. Handsome little one! Message me if you need me ok? Jackie

[zoie47]

I have been on the TX 3 times. Each one was a different combination. My last was on Alfacon 1 which is the strongest injected chemotherapy drug. I felt like I was going to die. Have you ever been through treatment and has the doctor recommended TX? Get all the tests done and find out what all your levels are and he can decide if you are ready for TX or not. IDo you know your Genotype? I am a Genotype 1a and have not responded to any of my treatments. It has been 4 years of hell for me. But I have come to terms with the fact that the next step is a transplant so I am on the national database for liver transplant. I know how you fell, I had breat cancer also in 2002 and it was caught in time. I have now found another mass on the same breast so I am having a surgical biopsy and then I will find out if it is maligmant. It seems that all of these medical worries pop up at once and everything else falls to peices with it! Your not alone. I finished my last treatment in Oct. 2007 and I am still having the side effects but even worse now than ever. There is nothing that I can do now. I've come to accept the fact that this disease has overcome my life and each day is another day that living is a blessing for me. I go about my day and don't think about it as much as I used to. I know what is ahead, with a rare blood type and my dire situation I proably won't make it but you can!!!!! I Try to get on Social Security so they will pay if you need treatment. Its a try. and then you can work part-time and still get a government check. I am on permanent disability but was on SSI also. I can no longer work and I will eventually be put in a home to be taken care of. Don't let it go! See and find a Dr. you can trust and talk about your options. Sometimes the pharmacutical companie will foot the bill. I know that Pfizer does for some. Anyway if you ever need to talk just add me and we can be friends. I'm new her but glad that I found this site! Hang in there, you'll do alright! Jackie

[dointime]

It is unfortunately common for us to feel alone.  Even folks who have friends and family can feel alone because it's hard for people who have not been through it to understand and empathize.  To be fair, before I was diagnosed with HCV I would not have understood either.  

I was lucky to meet a friend who was on tx at the same time as me.  We phoned each other when we had difficulties and that helped a lot.  The forum can keep you sane in times of distress as there is usually somebody here who's been through a similar thing.  If it is your style you might find a support group in your area that you could attend.

dointime            

[working dog]

you really gotta get that anxiety under control a little bit...your right it probably has a lot to do with how you feel..everything will work out in time...the good thing about this virus is most times you don't have to make any real fast moves...i made a 3 year plan to move toward tx..one is almost done..so in 2 more years i want to be ready to tx if i want to......have a nice night...billy

[cottoncandy99]

Mary
Did you try Commitment to Care as they were the ones that helped me with my medicines the first 2 times around and they were free.

God Bless,
cottoncandy

[Mary4now]

Thx,, what is MHMR?  
I see my doc on 1/15, then I guess they will do the blood test same day, then..............
I have been planning my vaca for months now, with mom to go to Mexico for 5 days, then we will be looking at relocating (possibly) to a much less expensive area to live.  I dont think I can keep the pace up here.  I am looking to simplify my life.  I am so getting ahead of myself but I"m always looking for safety nets,because I feel so........ insecure..  I have yet to see that wisdom in insecurity.  Thx again, sorry if I'm a little down right now... M

[Mary4now]

By the way, beautiful German Shepard, I have a Sharpador, part black lab, part sharpei

[Mary4now]

I spoke w/ an old friend of mine tonite who also had hep C, and has cleared on his own, but wondering where its hiding, he has other health issues to that have him laid up in the mountains here.  But I feel a little better, he said at one time there was a Hep C testing center set up at the P.O. and 1 out of 10 people tested positive for the antibodies.  Thats alot..  I just wish everyone could understand what its like to be down and out, and that we as a culture would put all our effort into helping each other.  I should be grateful we have something in place to help people in need.  Thanks again to all of you.