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Mysteries of the Universe
When Stephan Hawking was asked by "New Scientist Magazine" "What is the biggest mystery of the Universe ?
His answer : "Women!
Not sure we needed Hawking to figure that out. haha :0)
His answer : "Women!
Not sure we needed Hawking to figure that out. haha :0)
Okay, I will bite. Of course you have got to realize some things about me.
(1) I met my husband working at a gold mine where we both worked manual labor
(2) The only diamond I own is a teeny tiny one inserted into a gold nugget
(3) We bought my wedding ring at a pawn shop for $25 (in 1975, so I guess it was not cursed) and it still works.
(4) I prefer bluejeans and t shirts and outdoors but the reality is I work a desk and wear downtown clothes.
(5) I have no china or silver
That is not to say I am not always right, but I don't think I am high maintenance.
The Men's Guide to what the Woman really mean
You want = You want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I'm Embarassed
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not
going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I a little fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Yes = No | No = No | Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until
he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that
we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I
need to look at a few new pocket books,and those pink sheets would
look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
(1) I met my husband working at a gold mine where we both worked manual labor
(2) The only diamond I own is a teeny tiny one inserted into a gold nugget
(3) We bought my wedding ring at a pawn shop for $25 (in 1975, so I guess it was not cursed) and it still works.
(4) I prefer bluejeans and t shirts and outdoors but the reality is I work a desk and wear downtown clothes.
(5) I have no china or silver
That is not to say I am not always right, but I don't think I am high maintenance.
The Men's Guide to what the Woman really mean
You want = You want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I'm Embarassed
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not
going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I a little fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Yes = No | No = No | Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until
he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that
we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I
need to look at a few new pocket books,and those pink sheets would
look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Perhaps now is the time to mention Mars, and appropriate to post the Rules from the International Council on Man Laws
*Under no circumstance may 2 men share an umbrella, even if it's a golf umbrella with a beer maker's name on it.
*It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
*When a heroic dog saves its master
*The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
*After wrecking your boss's car
*When she is using her teeth
*Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
*If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is OFF LIMITS forever unless AFTER you actually marry her.
*Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
*No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip club of the birthday boy's choice.
*In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
*When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
*You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as the "Dutch Oven"), then she's officially your girlfriend.
*It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink ONLY when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and only when it's delivered by a topless model, and it's free.
*Only in situations of extreme moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the testicles.
*Unless you're in prison, NEVER fight naked.
*Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Case Closed.
*If a man's fly is down, you didn't see anything. A security breech at Los Pantalones is the other guy's problem and an opportunity for bonding with the rest of your friends, at his expense.
*Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate an actual working knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports fans.
*A man in the company of a hot, suggestively-dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
*Under no circumstance may 2 men share an umbrella, even if it's a golf umbrella with a beer maker's name on it.
*It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
*When a heroic dog saves its master
*The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
*After wrecking your boss's car
*When she is using her teeth
*Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
*If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is OFF LIMITS forever unless AFTER you actually marry her.
*Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
*No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip club of the birthday boy's choice.
*In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
*When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
*You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as the "Dutch Oven"), then she's officially your girlfriend.
*It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink ONLY when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and only when it's delivered by a topless model, and it's free.
*Only in situations of extreme moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the testicles.
*Unless you're in prison, NEVER fight naked.
*Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Case Closed.
*If a man's fly is down, you didn't see anything. A security breech at Los Pantalones is the other guy's problem and an opportunity for bonding with the rest of your friends, at his expense.
*Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate an actual working knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports fans.
*A man in the company of a hot, suggestively-dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
trying to understand and cure womanhood
That's a tall order. He||, some of us still struggle locating the damn on-off button.
That's a tall order. He||, some of us still struggle locating the damn on-off button.
We men wouldn't want to "cure womanhood" that's for sure.
But a basic road map to the workings of their mind and heart would be helpful.
As Marlon Brando says in Last Tango in Paris to his deceased wife ""I may be able to understand the secrets of the universe, but ... I'll never understand the truth about you."
Cheers!
Hector
But a basic road map to the workings of their mind and heart would be helpful.
As Marlon Brando says in Last Tango in Paris to his deceased wife ""I may be able to understand the secrets of the universe, but ... I'll never understand the truth about you."
Cheers!
Hector
That's right.
We see scientists and medical professionals and pharmaceutical companies clawing and clamoring to understand everything from to universe to hep c... don't see anyone foolish enough to actually invest in trying to understand and cure womanhood, do you? :)
We see scientists and medical professionals and pharmaceutical companies clawing and clamoring to understand everything from to universe to hep c... don't see anyone foolish enough to actually invest in trying to understand and cure womanhood, do you? :)
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