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Avatar universal

Action plan for peace of mind

Hi,
I slept with my partner for the first time yesterday. He penetrated me before I stopped him and said we should use protection. The next day he told me he has Herpes type 2 confirmed.  He contracted the virus about 10 years ago, has chickenpox like outbreaks that are less frequent now and was not symptomatic at the time of intercourse. I went to the std clinic today and they gave me the impression I shouldn't worry as so many people carry the virus and don't know it unless they get symptoms, I should come back if I do only then they would test, they also said protection doesn't offer much protection against Herpes and then sent me away.
To be frank although I understand and feel sorry for the guy I am seeing as I understand so many people have it and don't know, I feel very betrayed as it should have been my choice not his to risk me being exposed if I have not been previously. Because, of this (not Herpes but because of all the issues surrounding him not telling me, trust, honesty etc) I am not sure whether I want to see him anymore.
I would really like some peace of mind and am not satisfied with what I feel was a flippant attitude on the part of the doctor I saw. If I met someone else one day (although I feel like becoming a nun right now!) and one day they became symptomatic quite possibly because of me passing this to them, that would be horrible. I would rather not have to discuss the real 'possibility' of me having Herpes 2 virus with a future partner but have some real facts to offer. I just don't know quite what to think or exactly what to do in terms of what tests and when. Please may I have the correct title of the specific type of test I must ask for in order to conclusively identify whether type 2 specific antibodies are being produced in me and if I have the specific genital herpes virus? When would be a reasonable time to expect they would be present in my system if this was the only occasion I've been exposed?  

3 Responses
101028 tn?1419603004
A one time protected encounter is a very low risk.

I agree - this fellow handled it very wrong :(    We always encourage folks to talk about this before you have sex, not afterwards.  It's about having respect for yourself as well as for your partner.  Have you talked to him and asked him why he didn't bring this up before hand? Had you specifically talked about std's too or had you just assumed that if he knew he had something he'd tell you and that he was getting tested regularly for std's?  

At this point if you chose to follow up on this, I recommend that you get a type specific herpes igg blood test now to see what your baseline herpes status is and then repeat it in 4 months to reflect from this encounter.  Should you develop any genital symptoms before the 4 months is up, see your provider for proper testing.

The herpes handbook is a terrific and up to date resource to learn more about herpes in general - www.westoverheights.com is where you'll find it. it's free.  It'll help you be prepared so that in the future if a partner tells you that they have genital herpes, you'll know what to ask and what precautions to discuss taking together. It'll also help you with your current situation of course too if you decide to see more of this fellow.

grace
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your advice. It is somewhat reassuring to know I am at low risk.  I was able to go back to my doctor and ask for a type specific test for late June. As for my partner, I asked about whether he'd been fully std checked beforehand and he said he had, but now I look back, he didn't ellaborate on the results. Turns out he was scared himself to say anything to me. As I asked he thought it was something I was particularly uptight about. From my reaction when he did tell me I think he fully understands that that was very stupid of him. I feel badly that other people in their ignorance and lack of care have run a mile from him. This has built it up in his head as a subject he was scared to discuss with me. I had asked him about std checks because I understand the importance about talking about these things openly. I have made it clear that whatever the outcome between us my irritation is that he didn't communicate with me and less about Herpes. Whether or not we stay together he now know he should always make certain he has that conversation with someone and if they really care for him they should listen. I would say to anyone else when they ask about a partners std check status perhaps reassuring them they can be open with you would help. But, there's no counting for "numpty's" like my other half! LOL!
I will write back when I receive my test. Many Thanks  
101028 tn?1419603004
Sounds like this guy is lucky to have found you and better start treating you the way you deserve to be treated from here on out!!!

grace
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