Boyfriend has hsv1...so...what does that mean for me?

[hatedealingwiththis]

My boyfriend who apparently never understood anything in his health class got tested for stds but never knew that you had to ask to get tested specifically for herpes. I kept asking about his results and he finally went and got a blood test for it and then said that the doctor never said anything. He's visiting me soon and I said "can you just get the results for me to see, just so I feel secure about it" and then he called me today and said that he went to the doctor and saw that it was positive for HSV1 and then got retested and it was positive again for HSV1.  I said "they were able to give you results three days later? That was fast."  So that's weird to me. But the doctor told him that HSV 1 wasn't the genital kind (which is wrong) and there was nothing to worry about with oral sex. I said to my boyfriend that this wasn't true, that if there's asymptomatic shedding, it's possible to spread it to the genitals...he was like "I've never had a cold sore, I've never had anything down there either".  But I know that people can have symptoms without realizing it. So now since I'm an idiot and already slept with him (we used condoms but I know it's not 100 percent safe) and assumed that he was clean, now I'm wondering if I have herpes...I always feel uncomfortable down there because of yeast infections so it's hard to tell if I have signs or blisters or anything. I don't have any cold sores.  But should I just break up with him? I don't feel like dealing with this. And I'm upset that he never took me seriously about how important it was to me.  If he knew that it was just cold sores, it would be fine and I would be careful, but isn't it possible that he has it genitally?  We have always used condoms but I know they aren't totally protective.  I've slept with two people, and I can't believe that no matter how careful I am, that some people are totally clueless and stupid with protecting themselves. I hate this.

[pleasedontbethat11]

Woah. First take a deep breath. If you like this guy enough to be in a relationship with him and to be sexual with him, i wouldnt worry too much about a potential transmission.

Doctors usually wont even blood test you if you ask if there is no reason to worry. Another thing.. if he has genital hsv1, thats actually probably safer than having it orally because it sheds less in the genitals than it does orally. Have you been tested for it? Most people contract oral hsv1 as a child from an adult who has the virus. Ultimately, if you do catch it, sure, it sucks. But healthwise it's not anything serious. Its a virus of the skin. Doesn't cause cancer or HIV and won't kill you. What's worse, contracting something as minor as cold sores or maybe missing out on a great man who you could potentially spend the rest of your life happy with?

Lastly, you say you've been careful but no matter how much you try to protect yourself some people are stupid and clueless. You do know the only way you can be sure to not get it is by never kissing anyone and never having sex, right? Even using a condom you can still get it. Just saying.

Just food for thought...

[Fleetwood20]

First off, herpes testing is not recommended unless there are symptoms. This especially applies to HSV1 that is an accepted risk within the community. Hence there was no real need for him to test or retest, especially for something as meaningless as HSV1.

Three days for a blood test result is not at all unusual.

The doctor is right, if there is no reason or swab of genitals, it should be assumed the infection is oral.

Yes you can be infected through oral sex, provided you do not have HSV1 already, do you? It doesn't matter if someone has an oral or genital infection, the risk of transmission exists.

Can I ask, what does it matter if you become infected with HSV1?

I feel your approach is quite unreasonable. 70% of men you could date have HSV1. Hence physical contact is a risk of transmission

I feel sad that you think yourself an idiot for having sex with someone with HSV1. It is simply of no relevance. Did you have him police checked for previous convictions or something useful? Is he a nice person with wonderful qualities? Does he love children? Is he a fun person to be with? Does he have a lovely family?... All we know is he has one of the world's most common viruses.

I can only finish with a question that defines you... what if your soul mate has HSV? That is the only question you need to ask of yourself and answer.