Hi to you and Grace I’m know just how you feel. I’ve been asking all the same questions on the site for two weeks trying to understand this and trying to function everyday. It’s so scaring. I run home from work and check myself everyday 3-4 times. I read the book also. One guestiin that I still don’t get is why do the call it herpes oral or hsv 1 but in the gential so what do I have oral of gential because hsv 2 is gential and I had my test come back as positive for hsv 1 but gential. So confused. I don’t like being intamite with my BF because I’m so scared to give it to him. I try not to stare st him or ask him how he feels. I feel like I had systhoms since I found out on Aug 10. I spend my days reading and I having a hard time working. Sorry for my long story but I jguess I just don’t know what to do or how to move foward. I feel for you believe me. Thanks for any feed back
grace,
i actually ordered that book the other day. i am looking forward to receiving it. this minor skin infection has really turned my life on its head.
no, i have never received a herpes test before this. like i said, it makes me nervous, but i'll probably wait a few months and go get a blood test done. although i have no reason to believe i have hsv-2 i guess it's worth checking.
hopefully my ghsv-1 follows the usual patterns and isn't much of an issue for me.
give yourself time - it's all still new. I can't say that it really ever gets easy to talk about your herpes with a partner but it does get easier after you've done it a few times.
Terri Warren's book "the good news about the bad news" really covers the psychological side of having herpes. I highly recommend it. it's less than $20 on amazon.
I have been rejected twice because of my genital herpes. I've been rejected about 3x that often because I work crappy hours, have kids and like bigger dogs. I've also passed it on twice - once before I knew I was infected and once when I was just plain stupid. Both times were over 20 years ago. I know from personal experience how low the risk is even though I myself caught it from a one time unprotected encounter. I like to chose from 2 sayings - either poop happens or if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all - both seem to describe it well for me :)
is it worth getting antivirals at this point? no it is not. if you continue to have recurrences in batches like this over the next few weeks, be seen again to see what else is going on.
where you ever tested for herpes before this?
grace,
i did not take any anti-virals. granted, when the doctor saw it initially, the symptoms were pretty mild. is it common to have a minor outbreak, immediately followed by more symptoms like myself? if i understand you correctly, if any more lesions appear, it's time to call up the doc and get on anti-virals. in all honesty, it looked a little rough "down there" at times, but the lesions were not painful at all. maybe just a tad itchy, but they really weren't bothersome at all. the only uncomfortable thing was the groin "pressure" and that has mostly subsided. is it worth calling in for a anti-viral now? annoying to see new symptoms appear when you think you're done, but it does appear to be clearing quickly.
received this from a random encounter. we actually had a pretty adult conversation before sex and used protection. frustrating, but hindsight is 20/20 i guess. i had sex with her and saw symptoms about four days later. before her i had had zero sexual contact for over a year. is it fair to say she's the one who gave it to me? frustrating because she won't even talk to me about it. i have been very open and non confrontational, but she won't hear anything about it. upsets me that she'll bury her head in the sand and probably infect another person.
i hear you about the IDEA being worse. words like HERPES, VIRUS, INFECTION, UNCLEAN. really does suck. it's kind of fascinating actually. i literally have the SAME exact virus that causes people to have cold sores. same one. medically speaking, i probably have it better because the virus is not at it's site of preference. less outbreaks and less shedding. from what i understand, i lucked out with ghsv-1 and physically will see little to no problems from it.
unfortunately, you and i both know that the idea of GENITAL herpes seems like a big deal. i am very afraid to have "the talk" with someone. maybe i'm just making it bigger than it is, but it still makes me pretty nervous. i feel like women will just write me off because of this. ironically, they are taking a chance with just about any guy off the street. it's incredible that almost no one knows their herpes status. it seems like the only people who know are those who see symptoms. crappy indeed.
i guess my biggest two fears are: rejection and infecting someone.
rejection is pretty straight forward. we as humans want to be loved and want to be accepted. getting rejected based on this virus alone would hurt. guess it will be something i deal with in the future.
infecting someone: that is the real kicker for me right now. the idea of infecting someone (even when they know the risks) makes me nervous. i know how low ghsv-1 transmission is, but it's hard to accept that when i was infected. you know?
sorry, this got a little long winded. any other advice on dealing with this?
did you go on herpes antivirals at all? if these continue to spread like this, be seen again to make sure that you don't have something else complicating it.
having hsv2 gives you significant protection against contracting hsv1 but not vice versa. not likely you have them both at this point.
the IDEA of having genital herpes is far worse than actually living with it. herpes has been unfairly stigmatized over the years and no one ever sits down with us to talk about how common it is. by the time we start sitting in our rockers at the nursing home, 80% of us have hsv1. The upside for you is - this is hsv1 genitally. odds are it won't reoccur for you very often. It also doesn't shed much so less odds of transmitting to a partner down the road. It also has opened your eyes to how common herpes is so that you can be informed for future partners :)
do you have a regular partner or was your last partner a random encounter?
grace,
thanks for the information.
my first OB is still sort of ongoing. i'm a little over three weeks. about four days after having protected sex I noticed two bumps on the base of penis. one almost directly in-line with my belly button and one about 90 degrees to the side. one of them became an ulcer and i had the doctor swab it. came back positive for hsv-1.
about a week in i started having fairly intense pressure in my groin area. i'm told this was my ingiunal glad becoming swollen. not a comfortable feeling. the two initial "spots" then sort of birthed their own mini outbreaks. the one on the top (which is currently healing) made a pretty nasty lesion. the one on the right was a mix of one lesion and pustules. like i said, it's been going on for a little over three weeks, but my body seems to be fighting in well. it almost seemed like my body didn't attack the lesions for the first 7-10 days. once i noticed the inginual pain, the healing was pretty rapid, even when new lesions would develop.
now, the psychological problems. i have to admit, this has been pretty heart wrenching at times. the idea of having to tell a prospective partner about this is hard. also, i know i should get a blood test just to completely know my Herpes status, it still makes me scared. i know this sounds silly, but the idea of having hsv-2 makes me nervous. is it possible to hsv-2, never see symptoms, and then become infected with ghsv-1?
gosh, even using the word "infected" makes me feel sick to my stomach. i know it's only been about a week since i found out, but this hurts pretty bad mentally.
c
yes, if you have hsv1 orally, you have significant protection against contracting hsv1 genitally later on. it's not 100% but it's up there.
hsv1 genitally sheds on average 3-5% of days. we don't have studies on rates of transmission between partners because even though it seems like just about everyone is contracting hsv1 genitally any more, it's still very hard to study. since it's only active a handful of days a year on average, it's not likely at all to be transmitted to a partner. Also most adults have hsv1 so finding discordant couples to follow over years is difficult, expensive and time consuming.
we don't have any studies that show if daily suppressive therapy reduces shedding for hsv1 genitally or if it reduces transmission in discordant couples. due to the lack of shedding with hsv1 genitally, once again far too expensive and time consuming to study. Hard enough to get folks with hsv2 to swab 1-4x/day for studies for a month or two let alone to get folks to do that for a year with hsv1 genitally.
could you contract hsv1 orally from performing oral on someone who has hsv1 genitally? Indeed you could but overall the risk is low due to the very low rates of shedding of hsv1 genitally.
yes, hsv1 genitally also still seems to shed most during the first year. Probably only closer to the 5% mark though, nothing huge like that shedding rates of hsv2 during the first 6 months of infection.
can you contract hsv1 from genital to genital contact? You can but less than 10% of folks contract it that way.
what was your first ob like? did you have multiple lesions or just a single lesion?
grace