Dealing with Herpes and Making it work

[Trisaryel]

For those who stayed in the relationship........Hi, I just found out that I have HSV2 and I have told my boyfriend of 14 months that I believe I contracted it from him. I have an AutoImmune disease and so my immunity is very weak. Basically, herpes cannot be dormant inside of my body.  My doctor also confirmed that my results show a recent transmission. I asked him if he had been with anyone else and he told me no. I don't know if I believe him or not, I just know that I have forgiven him and I just want to move on b/c herpes is a complex disease and I can't prove infidelity.   It's been a week and I got an email from him telling me that he is in a "place" where he is meditating and just needs time to sort some things out, then he will get tested and he hopes I am feeling better.  Is this some sort of shock? I mean, I am the one who has to deal with this AND an autoimmune disease. I am getting angry at his lack of concern and I don't know if this is something we can get through but I am willing to try, but he won't talk to me.  Am I wrong for being angry at him for giving me this and for just disappearing? I feel ashamed. The thought that he would give me a disease and just leave with no apologies makes me feel like a used fool.

[gracefromHHP]

How did they diagnose you as having hsv2? What testing did they do?

I'm not sure by what you mean that your herpes can't be dormant inside your body. could you please clarify that more? thanks!

I'm totally with daisy and maya - give your man some time to deal with his own feelings about this. Now granted don't give him weeks of time but give him a day or two and then ask him to get together with you so that you can talk more about this together and go from there.  If you need help with his test results, we can help with those too.

grace

[daisy315]

I wouldn't be too hasty to think badly of your partner,Herpes is a very misunderstood condition and those who don't have it seldom take time to educate themselves on it,I know if I hadn't got it I doubt if I would have spent the time I have trying to find out about it from beginning to end,so give him time to take in what has happened because he will also be going through a tough time and this may be his way of dealing with it,just because your b/f has not been with anyone else in 14 months doesn't mean he couldn't have had HSV2 for a very long time some couples are together for many years without trasmission and if he is asymptomatic then he wouldn't know he had it anyways.
It might have been a better idea to talk things through with you about it,but like I said we all deal with things differently. I know you feel rejected at this point but I honestly do think once he has time to gather his thoughts and accept the situation he will come back,remember it's been just as big a shock to him as it's been for you.
The best thing to do is not fight about this and tell him you understand how he feels,he may feel you think very badly of him and doesn't quite know how to fix this right now,he needs support through this in the same way you do ..... so try to be patient and understanding even though you don't feel happy with the way he is behaving,it's not the easiest thing in the world to instantly accept as you know.
Also if you both have HSV2 now then it's not such a big deal it is less intrusive to a relationship than if one is negative because the safety measures to avoid transmission don't need to be carefully monitored anymore because once you have HSV2 you have it and it can't be passed back and forth nor will having sex cause more outbreaks with either of you,so in some ways thats the plus side of your situation at the moment.
There is also the option for you both to go on Suppressive Therapy to lessen outbreaks altogether which wuld mean both of you taking 1 tablet twice a day thats all.

I hope things work out for you and I do understand how difficult this is for both of you right now but I'm sure in time things will not feel as they do at the moment for either of you.

Take Care
Daisy  
  

[maya111]

i'm so sorry to hear about that:( my prayers are w u! I never understood why people leave or stop talking to people in situations that they really need someone to be there for them. Especially going through an auto immune disease by itself is hard enough then diagnosed w hsv. like I tested positive and my partner was tested twice and he was negative and we have been sexually active for over a year now and he dosen't want to hear any of my problems regarding hsv its like i'm bothering him because he is negative. the world has so many heartless people that knowingly give std's etc to other people and some not knowing they are. i dunno the world is a sad depressing place filled w crazy people. well hope things get better for you! :) ttul kit if you need someone to talk to.
dont feel bad every sex partner i just about had made me look like a used fool sad thats why after this maybe false low positive scare (i have no symptoms) but i will be more choosey w who i have relations w because i trusted a man i known for almost 10 years and he was fooling around w other women (my last partner last year and he even testedd negative) urgh i'm just positive. i dunno but i do know that i dont trust any man other than God! :)