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Did I give him HSV-2 by letting him finger me?
Hello all, thank you for your assistance in advance. I have the HSV-2 virus and was with a man I am dating recently and he masterbated me using his fingers, whilst also going inside my vagina. I was not having any symptoms and have been on suppressive treatment. I also need to note I do not have any oral symptoms ever. He has since got a cut on the side of his mouth (like a dry crack) and what he describes as tonsillitis with some ulcers and his gums are hurting. He thinks I have passed HSV-2 to him as he put his fingers in my mouth after performing the act and kissed me. I didn’t think it could be transmitted this way, only through skin to skin sexual contact - can anyone advise me?
Thank you so much for your reply. That’s correct I am on suppression and haven’t had an outbreak in months. He is making me feel quite bad about it and I’m worried that when he goes to the doctor they will just tell him it’s HSV and send him on his way.
Obviously I know in my head there was no chance this could happen but I wanted to have some other advice.
Obviously I know in my head there was no chance this could happen but I wanted to have some other advice.
10 Comments
Is he having some kind of oral symptoms?
Did he know you have herpes before the fingering and putting his fingers in his mouth?
He is a grown man (I'm assuming). He has a responsibility for his own health and behaviors. If he can not handle the chance that he may get hsv2 some day, he doesn't belong in a relationship with you (and he scares easy).
We are all allowed to have fears, and make whatever choices we want about what we can deal with or can't. He is not allowed, however, to make you feel like crap for choices he made. Whatever he is going to the doctor for, it's not oral hsv2.
Remember that you deserve someone who treats you well. <3
Did he know you have herpes before the fingering and putting his fingers in his mouth?
He is a grown man (I'm assuming). He has a responsibility for his own health and behaviors. If he can not handle the chance that he may get hsv2 some day, he doesn't belong in a relationship with you (and he scares easy).
We are all allowed to have fears, and make whatever choices we want about what we can deal with or can't. He is not allowed, however, to make you feel like crap for choices he made. Whatever he is going to the doctor for, it's not oral hsv2.
Remember that you deserve someone who treats you well. <3
We have only just started seeing each other, we had the conversation after the first ‘sexual’ interaction, however this was only fingering, and he put his fingers into my mouth then kissed me. After this conversation, he decided he wanted to carry on seeing me and we have had other sexual interactions, but not oral or inter course.
He says he has tonsillitis symptoms and some ulcers in his mouth and a crack on the side of his lip (where the two lips meet)
Obviously I know it can only be passed through direct skin to skin contact so sexual contact like this wasn’t an issue for me. Plus I have never had oral HSV
He says he has tonsillitis symptoms and some ulcers in his mouth and a crack on the side of his lip (where the two lips meet)
Obviously I know it can only be passed through direct skin to skin contact so sexual contact like this wasn’t an issue for me. Plus I have never had oral HSV
I don't know what's happening with him - covid, maybe? - but it isn't hsv2. He's have blisters on his lips, even if he had the rest of it.
When is he seeing a doctor? Have him ask them to do a PCR swab (preferable) or a culture of his ulcers. If the doc just says herpes, it will take a lot to disprove that, especially in the UK (where it sounds like you are - you said "whilst") because the UK doesn't like blood tests.
Also, he should get a strep test, a covid test, and anything else the doctor thinks it may be.
His doctor may be able to look at him and know they are canker sores or something.
How long after your encounter did he get the symptoms? Do you have any oral symptoms of anything?
Hang in there. I'm sorry he's being such a jerk about it.
When is he seeing a doctor? Have him ask them to do a PCR swab (preferable) or a culture of his ulcers. If the doc just says herpes, it will take a lot to disprove that, especially in the UK (where it sounds like you are - you said "whilst") because the UK doesn't like blood tests.
Also, he should get a strep test, a covid test, and anything else the doctor thinks it may be.
His doctor may be able to look at him and know they are canker sores or something.
How long after your encounter did he get the symptoms? Do you have any oral symptoms of anything?
Hang in there. I'm sorry he's being such a jerk about it.
He said he got the cut a day after and the throat symptoms a few days after. I have never had any symptoms and I’m very well in general. Yes I’m in the U.K.
The cut is definitely not herpes from you - it takes a minimum of 2 days for herpes symptoms to appear. The average is 4 days.
Hang in there, and let me know what happens - if he goes to the doc, etc.
Hang in there, and let me know what happens - if he goes to the doc, etc.
Quick update: he says he has herpes... not sure if he has gone to the doctors or not or how it’s been confirmed. I’m currently not communicating with him as he has got quite abusive and threatening. I don’t know how this is possible
Okay, remember this - it isn't possible, and he's a jerk.
Your first and ONLY priority is your safety. Keep all threats he has sent you, and don't hesitate to report him if necessary.
If he got tested, the results wouldn't be back this fast. That's the only way to know for sure that what he's experiencing is actually herpes. If it is herpes, it's not from you. It's never been transmitted that way, and he wouldn't be the first. I don't know what his goal is here, or if he thinks he actually has it, but whatever it is, he's not handling it well, and no one has the right to abuse or threaten you.
Hang in there, and keep me posted on how you are doing. I'm sorry this is happening. Remember that he didn't get anything from you - it's medically impossible.
Your first and ONLY priority is your safety. Keep all threats he has sent you, and don't hesitate to report him if necessary.
If he got tested, the results wouldn't be back this fast. That's the only way to know for sure that what he's experiencing is actually herpes. If it is herpes, it's not from you. It's never been transmitted that way, and he wouldn't be the first. I don't know what his goal is here, or if he thinks he actually has it, but whatever it is, he's not handling it well, and no one has the right to abuse or threaten you.
Hang in there, and keep me posted on how you are doing. I'm sorry this is happening. Remember that he didn't get anything from you - it's medically impossible.
I actually have reported him, and have had my statement taken from the police today. It’s all a little crazy to be honest with you. I know that’s it’s impossible that he’s got anything from me, I don’t know what’s going on with him, I’ve never heard of anyone reacting that way about a cold sore in my life even if he has got one. Thank you for your comments - I just wonder what kind of doctor has told him that
Do you think he actually went to the doctor? I'd wonder if this isn't all in his head.
I'm happy you reported him. Good for you. If you have to leave your house, stay really diligent, and don't go out alone. He may not do the worst thing, but act as though he will, just in case.
And you're right - he's blowing this way out of proportion, even if it was possible to get it from you.
I'm sorry this is all happening. Not all men will react this way, I swear. Hugs to you.
I'm happy you reported him. Good for you. If you have to leave your house, stay really diligent, and don't go out alone. He may not do the worst thing, but act as though he will, just in case.
And you're right - he's blowing this way out of proportion, even if it was possible to get it from you.
I'm sorry this is all happening. Not all men will react this way, I swear. Hugs to you.
I just saw this and thought of you -
https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=239531
Another COVID-19 Symptom Joins the List: Mouth Rash
While rashes on the skin have long been tied to COVID-19, doctors in Spain report that rashes on the inside of the mouth are also occurring in some cases.
The rashes are clinically known as enanthem, and it's not surprising that they are showing up with COVID-19, said a U.S. dermatologist unconnected to the new study.
"An enanthem is a rash [small spots] on the mucous membranes," explained Dr. Michele Green, who practices at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. "It is very common in patients with viral infections like chickenpox and hand, foot and mouth disease. It is characteristic of many viral rashes to affect mucous membranes."
There's more on this at the link. I don't know if this is what the guy has, nor do I think you should talk to him, but I do think you should be on the look out for covid symptoms, just in case.
https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=239531
Another COVID-19 Symptom Joins the List: Mouth Rash
While rashes on the skin have long been tied to COVID-19, doctors in Spain report that rashes on the inside of the mouth are also occurring in some cases.
The rashes are clinically known as enanthem, and it's not surprising that they are showing up with COVID-19, said a U.S. dermatologist unconnected to the new study.
"An enanthem is a rash [small spots] on the mucous membranes," explained Dr. Michele Green, who practices at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. "It is very common in patients with viral infections like chickenpox and hand, foot and mouth disease. It is characteristic of many viral rashes to affect mucous membranes."
There's more on this at the link. I don't know if this is what the guy has, nor do I think you should talk to him, but I do think you should be on the look out for covid symptoms, just in case.
COMMUNITY LEADER
There are all kinds of reasons why this didn't happen.
STDs are not transmitted by fingers. There is too much movement and air involved, and in addition, herpes isn't spread by fluids. It's spread by direct skin to skin contact.
While it is possible for someone to touch an outbreak and then touch their mouths or eyes and infect that area, it is usually during a new infection. That's called auto-inoculation. You don't mention having an outbreak.
Also, oral hsv2 is very rare. It would be highly unlikely that he'd get oral hsv2 even if he performed oral sex on you, much less from fingers.
Also (again), you are on suppression, which reduces your chances of shedding, so even if it were possible to transmit STDs by fingers, it would make it less likely.
In any case, he's fine and just panicking needlessly.
The only way you can transmit hsv2 is by genital to genital contact, usually penetrative sex, maybe grinding or rubbing.
The transmission rates may be lower than you (and he) think:
Ghsv2 transmission, female to male, over the course of a year, assuming sex 2-3 times a week:
Only avoiding sex during an outbreak - 4-5%
Adding condoms OR daily suppression - 2-3%
Adding condoms AND daily suppression - 1-2%
Please don't let him make you feel like a walking bio-hazard. You aren't.
STDs are not transmitted by fingers. There is too much movement and air involved, and in addition, herpes isn't spread by fluids. It's spread by direct skin to skin contact.
While it is possible for someone to touch an outbreak and then touch their mouths or eyes and infect that area, it is usually during a new infection. That's called auto-inoculation. You don't mention having an outbreak.
Also, oral hsv2 is very rare. It would be highly unlikely that he'd get oral hsv2 even if he performed oral sex on you, much less from fingers.
Also (again), you are on suppression, which reduces your chances of shedding, so even if it were possible to transmit STDs by fingers, it would make it less likely.
In any case, he's fine and just panicking needlessly.
The only way you can transmit hsv2 is by genital to genital contact, usually penetrative sex, maybe grinding or rubbing.
The transmission rates may be lower than you (and he) think:
Ghsv2 transmission, female to male, over the course of a year, assuming sex 2-3 times a week:
Only avoiding sex during an outbreak - 4-5%
Adding condoms OR daily suppression - 2-3%
Adding condoms AND daily suppression - 1-2%
Please don't let him make you feel like a walking bio-hazard. You aren't.
1 Comments
Thank you so much for your reply. That’s correct I am on suppression and haven’t had an outbreak in months. He is making me feel quite bad about it and I’m worried that when he goes to the doctor they will just tell him it’s HSV and send him on his way.
Obviously I know in my head there was no chance this could happen but I wanted to have some other advice.
Obviously I know in my head there was no chance this could happen but I wanted to have some other advice.
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
