HSV-2 Transmission to Partner with Rheumatoid Arthritis

[JackMan1968]

My wife and I both have been diagnosed with genital HSV-2.  My wife also has rheumatoid arthritis and is on Xeljanz to treat her R.A. that suppresses her immune system.  I was operating under the understanding that since both of us already have HSV-2 that when we have sex after an outbreak was mostly a question of comfort and not transmission.  

I just had an outbreak and had got to the point where the skin is still raised and a little rough but the scabs were no longer present.  I figured we were in the clear.  My wife started to perform oral sex on me and noticed the roughness of the skin and became concerned that she could contract HSV-2 orally, especially given her medical situation.

Here are my questions:

  1. How worried should we be about her exposure?
  2. How likely is the transmission of HSV-2 from me to her if she performs oral sex on me?  How does the fact the we  both have HSV-2 effect this likelihood?  
  3. How long after an outbreak should I wait before we have sex given our situation?  
  4. Was I wrong to think that we didn't need to worry about re-infection and just about comfort?  I'm worried that I was.

Any help the community could offer would be appreciated.  I would especially like to hear from gracefromHHP or another moderator if possible.