how high of risk herpes through kiss

[Help2understand]

Hi, I am in great need for good information pertaining HSV 1 and HSV2 transmission. Yesterday i have started to get serious with a woman,  we shared a deep romantic french kissing and there was no visual signs of outbreak of cold sores if she was infected. Question is how high of a risk to get HSV1 or HSV2 through this experience. Please need a good answers because im anxious

[auntiejessi]

From kissing, there is no risk of hsv2. Hsv2 is almost always a genital infection, and herpes is only infectious from the site of infection. If you are infected genitally, you are only infectious from the genitals.

If the person has hsv1, there is a chance that you could get it, even without a cold sore being present. How high? It's hard to say.

Are you afraid of hsv1? That's a hard thing to be afraid of. Up to 80% of the population has it (it goes up as you get older), and if you are afraid of getting it from kissing, you might as well stop kissing people. Your parents may have it, your grandparents probably do.

You may have it and not know it. 90% of those who have it never get a cold sore. The only way most people know they have it is by testing. If you want to know, ask your doctor for a type specific IgG blood test.

Have you talked to your new friend about it? If you are becoming serious, at some point, things will progress, and and you'll need to have the STD talk. Don't be shaming or blaming - just talk. If you've ever had any sexual activity with anyone else, you could pose a risk to her as well as her posing a risk to you.

And please, if you haven't already, get help for the anxiety. There is help available, and you don't have to live fearing things like this.

[Help2understand]

Thank you so much for your good advice .. yes std talks are delicate.. I think that’s one of my main reason I came here versus talking to her about .. I don’t want to offend anyone ... especially after the fact of being intimate..  Thanks once again .. you advice has been helpful.

[auntiejessi]

Yes, they are delicate, but if approached correctly, they aren't offensive. If you approach it as "we could both have something that could concern the other, let's get tested together", it's not offensive.

Unless you both are virgins, and haven't even had oral sex with someone else, then this is a talk you need to have. If all you've done is kiss others, then all you need to talk about is hsv1. Again, though, I wouldn't freak if she has that. If you end it with her because she has it, chances are excellent that your next partner will have it as well, and the one after her, and the one after her...

[Help2understand]

i like that approach AurieJessi,  will try that. thanks a million . I feel better now.

[Help2understand]

Hi AuntieJessi,
First of all thank for your support and advise on my questions. I tried to have the talk about std conversation was so clear , meaning she Said she was tested but didn’t said what she was clear from  her replay is she’s good and know this is very delicate matter and didn’t push it. Cause I don’t want to drive her away. But I do have a question  about incubation period for hsv1. We didn’t have intercourse only engaged in deep kissing . Today make 5 days was wondering what’s the real time incubation period some say 2-3 days other says 4 .
Would like to know your answer on that  please . Thanks again

[auntiejessi]

It can take anywhere from 2-20 days to show symptoms, if you get symptoms, and if you don't already have it.

Have you tested yet?

Are you this afraid of all germs, or just STDs? Is it just the stigma? What is bothering you so much about this? Most people get hsv1 during childhood.

[Help2understand]

Think is just stds . especially she acting a bit weird since the conversation. trust me AuntieJess I was very delicate. And I get attitude .

[auntiejessi]

Some people get uncomfortable when talking about this, unfortunately. If she is being strange about this, and not willing to have an open, honest conversation, perhaps she isn't the one for you. Maybe she is sensing your fears of this, and has hesitations because she does have hsv1.

Many people don't view kissing as so serious, unless that's traditionally viewed that way in your culture. Maybe she doesn't agree, and doesn't view the relationship as seriously as you do. Maybe that's a good place to start the conversation.

[Help2understand]

Good points .. yes Auntie Jessi definitely a conversation about relationship status at this point ..
thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement.

[Help2understand]

We been having such short conversations or almost non of all .Just makes me more anxious

[auntiejessi]

Perhaps she is just done with the conversation about it. Are you talking about it too much? Has everything already been said?

Maybe she is thinking that she's answered your questions, all you did was kiss, and why are you still bothering her about it?

I don't mean to sound harsh at all, but it may be time to move on. It doesn't seem like you'll get the answers you want from her. :(

[Help2understand]

Your not being harsh Auntie Jessi.. no I haven’t been bothering her since that onetime of conversation.   It’s just these topics talks are never easy . I thank you for support. Means a lot

[Help2understand]

So Auntie Jessie . I have learnt now my lady friend revealed she still has feelings for her ex , in which who has cheated on her in the past , she had been seeing him . In terms of being more anxious about the incubation period  for hsv1 or 2 .some say 12days other say up to 20 days, today makes say 17 no symptoms. I wonder I’m i in the clear ? , because it’s really time to move on with this experience :/

[auntiejessi]

You just kissed her. You aren't at risk for hsv2.

I'd say you are fine. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to with her.

[Help2understand]

thanks Auntie Jessi.. experience right .