In anguish Please help

[akf2010]

I realize that as a result of my distress my last post made very little sense.  I am re-posting with what is hopefully a clearer picture of my situation. I would greatly appreciate any kind of response.

A couple of years ago (2011) I had a false POSITIVE (IgM)  for a herpes test.  I had two IgG tests after the false positive with in the recommended time frame and both were negative.  Today (2014)  I ran in to the ex wife of the man I had a year long relationship with following the final testing that was negative. She told me that SHE  had herpes and that she had gotten it from him.  She told me numerous other things including that he had cheated on her numerous times and that she had found him on an escort service website during their marriage.  Now, I know perfectly well that she can very possibly be lying, she always tended to be a bit of a drama queen, but to be honest we always got along just fine so I can't see any motivation for her to make such things up...

The biggest issue is my AGAIN having to worry about possibly having herpes.  I have NEVER had any kind of symptoms but I am well aware that herpes can be asymptomatic.  I am also concerned about HIV if there is any truth to his cheating and using an escort service.  Obviously I will get tested as soon as I possibly can.  My question is if it is true that he in fact was lying about having herpes is there ANY possibility that I didn't contact it?   (No we eventually stopped using protection, We were in an exclusive relationship and talking marriage.)   I am also wondering how long a person can remain asymptomatic.   Several years? Forever?

I posting not so much for information I guess as I am looking for support.  I am 43, divorced, and have very little family or support at this time.  This is such upsetting news.   I fear that I will not be able to mentally accept this kind of thing.  I had one short relationship 6 months after the end of the one mentioned above. I had no reason to believe that I had any STD's and I did not use protection during that relationship.  I am overwhelmed with grief thinking that I could have passed something along to that person.

Please do not bash me.  I am truly on the edge of sanity with this matter.

[TiminBoston]

Quit giving advice tying HSV status to outbreaks.  The majority of newly infected never know they have herpes because they don't ever have the classic symptoms.

Painful urination can be a symptom of herpes.  Pain in groin. Rash. Etc.

People need to test, plain as that and it doesn't do anyone good to pass along false hope.

Having said that - the original poster seems to be in good shape here and I'm basing that on the same things that Life and EhBee are basing theirs on.

[akf2010]

A good point. I finally decided to go to the source. I directly asked the person I had been in a relationship with if there was any truth to this and he denied it.  He wasn't too happy to hear from me or what I had to say but I believe his answer was honest. The relationship may have ended but I do not think he was the type to continue such a lie.  I have no idea why this woman would want to create such drama and I'm embarrassed that I was swept up in it.  With some time and perspective I am much calmer.  I will be tested just to be on the safe side however.  Thank you all for your responses.

[MrTom123]

Like the person above said .. You didn't have an outbreak.  So even if this woman was telling the truth, you probably didn't get it.  And how does this woman know she got it from him?  I think you're alright; just go take a test just to be 100% sure and have peace of mind.

[akf2010]

The negative testing was done prior to the beginning of the relationship. The possibility that he had been lying about his status was revealed to me one year after the END of the relationship. I have had No testing since the relationship ended as I never had a reason to get testing done until running into the ex wife yesterday which was a full year after then end of the relationship. I hope that makes more sense.

[akf2010]

Thank you for tis information. It was very helpful.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, kinda of hard to follow what your saying but if you tested negative 3 months after your last exposure then your still negative. If not then testing 3 months post exposure is the only way to answer your question. Is it possible you were infected, yes it is. But if you never saw any sores on her then the risk is quite low.

[ehbeedub]

Yes, even if he had herpes, odds are that you did not contract it. As long as a couple avoids sex during overt outbreaks, male to female acquisition happens about 10% of time over the course of one year. That is, if 100 HSV-2 positive men had sex with 100 HSV-2 negative women about 2 times per week over the course of the year, 10 of the women would be infected at the end of the year.

While it is possible to remain asymptomatic, the fact that you haven't had symptoms is in your favor. You also have no real grasp on whether this woman is telling you the whole truth.

Getting tested is the only answer.