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New to Herpetic Whitlow and unsure what to do
I was diagnosed with herpetic whitlow - just one small bump on one finger - six months ago. It has essentially caused the end of my marriage of 15 years and 3 kids as my wife is so freaked out about catching it so we can no longer be intimate and she's not sure our relationship will last forever. It's really done some things to screw my brain up, and looking online has left me with more questions than answers.
1. Stupid question (but serious considered) - since herpes breaks out at the same site, could I have my finger amputated and then never have an outbreak? Or will the virus shed from some place else?
I'm not ready to start dating right now, but with the situation as it stands right now, it seems likely I will eventually get there. I've been trying to educate myself and see how one would go forward.
2. I have HSV-1, and I notice all the "dating with herpes sites" are primarily populated with people who have genital herpes and usually HSV-2. I know I will have some additional resistance to HSV-2 from antibodies, but what is the realistic risk of me catching HSV-2? I know there is never *no* chance, but am I gambling that I end up with HSV-1 and HSV-2 to add insult to injury? Heck, is that even much worse than where I am now?
I'm taking acyclovir (thought it might allow wife to get past the issue - especially since I can easily keep my infected body part clear of any parts of her - heck, I could wear a glove all day, every day).
3. Should I keep taking it if there is no point (i.e. not dating, no chance of reconciliation with wife). I know that it helps reduce outbreaks and speed healing, but I know over time they reduce on their own. Should I let my own body deal with HSV-1 and get it into remission while I am in no way intimate with anyone? Of course, I might then panic about giving it to my kids through touching food or something, so I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that.
4. Should I be on Valtrex or something else instead? My doctor really doesn't know a ton about the subject as far as I can tell (maybe too harsh on him).
I see so much that indicates Herpetic Whitlow is pretty common, but it seems to have way less information than HSV-2 or HSV-1 in their traditional locations!
1. Stupid question (but serious considered) - since herpes breaks out at the same site, could I have my finger amputated and then never have an outbreak? Or will the virus shed from some place else?
I'm not ready to start dating right now, but with the situation as it stands right now, it seems likely I will eventually get there. I've been trying to educate myself and see how one would go forward.
2. I have HSV-1, and I notice all the "dating with herpes sites" are primarily populated with people who have genital herpes and usually HSV-2. I know I will have some additional resistance to HSV-2 from antibodies, but what is the realistic risk of me catching HSV-2? I know there is never *no* chance, but am I gambling that I end up with HSV-1 and HSV-2 to add insult to injury? Heck, is that even much worse than where I am now?
I'm taking acyclovir (thought it might allow wife to get past the issue - especially since I can easily keep my infected body part clear of any parts of her - heck, I could wear a glove all day, every day).
3. Should I keep taking it if there is no point (i.e. not dating, no chance of reconciliation with wife). I know that it helps reduce outbreaks and speed healing, but I know over time they reduce on their own. Should I let my own body deal with HSV-1 and get it into remission while I am in no way intimate with anyone? Of course, I might then panic about giving it to my kids through touching food or something, so I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that.
4. Should I be on Valtrex or something else instead? My doctor really doesn't know a ton about the subject as far as I can tell (maybe too harsh on him).
I see so much that indicates Herpetic Whitlow is pretty common, but it seems to have way less information than HSV-2 or HSV-1 in their traditional locations!
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Please, do you have a source on whitlow not shedding asymptomatically? I really want to believe you but I need to know the info is good.
I was diagnosed with whitlow last week. It is on my right thumb, where I have a spot on my cuticle I always mess with so of course that little spot was the beginning of a whole lot of trouble.
Beyond the ugliness of the whitlow I thought I can deal with this, it's not that bad; as long as it doesn't spread! It wasn't causing any pain, discomfort, tenderness, itchiness, etc. for the initial 7+ days, despite the nasty,fluid filled blister that eventually ruptured leaving a mean red area and now an even more grotesque looking wound. Still no pain or other horrible things I read online. Might I add I was even taking Acyclovir since day 3 the whitlow appearing.
Fastforward to about day 8 and HOLY HELL the pain started out of the blue...intense shooting pain at the site of the wound near my cuticle. The whitlow itself is healing okay..mostly a dry, smooth scab now, not infected and no secretions...but the pain, omg..the fn pain! Sometimes it's little dull shooting pains but other times it's pain that makea me stiffen my body, grit my teeth and stare blankly into space as if I am having a seizure. The pain lasts only seconds only to sometimes come back again seconds later. As the day progressed though I can actually feel a much less intense but semi-constant pain in my joint at the base of my thumb and also in my knuckle in my pointer finger on right hand. Those two areas are very sensitve to touch and even sensitive to water when I wash my hands.
I certainly hope everything I read about your first outbreak typically being the worst applies to me, as I seem to be the exception to everything in life. But this pain I cannot take much longer, especially the intense shooting pain at the actual whitlow spot.
Beyond the ugliness of the whitlow I thought I can deal with this, it's not that bad; as long as it doesn't spread! It wasn't causing any pain, discomfort, tenderness, itchiness, etc. for the initial 7+ days, despite the nasty,fluid filled blister that eventually ruptured leaving a mean red area and now an even more grotesque looking wound. Still no pain or other horrible things I read online. Might I add I was even taking Acyclovir since day 3 the whitlow appearing.
Fastforward to about day 8 and HOLY HELL the pain started out of the blue...intense shooting pain at the site of the wound near my cuticle. The whitlow itself is healing okay..mostly a dry, smooth scab now, not infected and no secretions...but the pain, omg..the fn pain! Sometimes it's little dull shooting pains but other times it's pain that makea me stiffen my body, grit my teeth and stare blankly into space as if I am having a seizure. The pain lasts only seconds only to sometimes come back again seconds later. As the day progressed though I can actually feel a much less intense but semi-constant pain in my joint at the base of my thumb and also in my knuckle in my pointer finger on right hand. Those two areas are very sensitve to touch and even sensitive to water when I wash my hands.
I certainly hope everything I read about your first outbreak typically being the worst applies to me, as I seem to be the exception to everything in life. But this pain I cannot take much longer, especially the intense shooting pain at the actual whitlow spot.
I know I shouldn't worry *much* when there is no obvious lesion, but I've heard that you can shed virus with no visible sign. I finally stopped taking the acyclovir since there doesn't seem much point - it was more of a mental thing hoping my wife would consider that additional precaution and maybe be less concerned. Ironically, my dermatitis on that finger has been flaring up since this incident and stopping the medicine has made my finger pretty much heal up. So the medicine was actually causing more stress to me! As for pain and itching, I was paranoid about any twinge I feel. Since the incident, I feel pain in that finger constantly in the joint closest to where it appeared. So, again, driving paranoia!
I suggested counseling, but have gotten the answer that she doesn't want someone to tell us to stay together just for the kids and waste 10 years only to have it all fall apart. There are clearly more issues than just the HW. It essentially brought to light every thing since getting married - except now where she might put up with things she's moved on because it's too "risky" to be with me. Which I can ultimately understand (not that it's my choice, but I can follow the logic). She is adamant that it is 100% over. I, personally, think she's 3 years into a mid-life crisis and this completely broke what was already strained from it. Which, I think, has a very strong possibility of kicking of my own mid-life crisis (a bit early, but I like to get a jump on things). It all gets very complicated, but can get broken into 2 primary problems....
1) If it's really over, what about the kids - I'm a child of divorce and I'd like to try like hell to make my kids lives less complicated and stressful and preserve as much time as I can with them. If I thought I had any chance to get them full time, I'd push for it. But it's probably for the best (unsure) that we take them 50/50.
2) Is more of a selfish thing. If I'm being cast off, I'd like to consider the possibility that I might meet someone and have a relationship. I've tried focusing entirely on the kids and all the male friends I dropped over the years to focus on family. But there is a hole and something missing and eventually I'm going to end up on my own and alone for at least half the time. And then how the hell do I deal with trying to start even a friendship with this looming over me? The rational part knows that you can have a discussion when a relationship evolves to an intimate level. And technically the finger isn't such a terrible place to have this. But it's such a hurdle to overcome!
To top it all off, it's harder for me to live here with all the things that annoy *me* that I have always accepted because it's a marriage and a partnership raising kids. Except I have a lot less incentive and it starts to look more appealing to at least have 50% of the time to do what I want with the kids.
Argh! Sorry to babble, but it's surprisingly helpful to vent and post. I appreciate your responses, Grace!
I suggested counseling, but have gotten the answer that she doesn't want someone to tell us to stay together just for the kids and waste 10 years only to have it all fall apart. There are clearly more issues than just the HW. It essentially brought to light every thing since getting married - except now where she might put up with things she's moved on because it's too "risky" to be with me. Which I can ultimately understand (not that it's my choice, but I can follow the logic). She is adamant that it is 100% over. I, personally, think she's 3 years into a mid-life crisis and this completely broke what was already strained from it. Which, I think, has a very strong possibility of kicking of my own mid-life crisis (a bit early, but I like to get a jump on things). It all gets very complicated, but can get broken into 2 primary problems....
1) If it's really over, what about the kids - I'm a child of divorce and I'd like to try like hell to make my kids lives less complicated and stressful and preserve as much time as I can with them. If I thought I had any chance to get them full time, I'd push for it. But it's probably for the best (unsure) that we take them 50/50.
2) Is more of a selfish thing. If I'm being cast off, I'd like to consider the possibility that I might meet someone and have a relationship. I've tried focusing entirely on the kids and all the male friends I dropped over the years to focus on family. But there is a hole and something missing and eventually I'm going to end up on my own and alone for at least half the time. And then how the hell do I deal with trying to start even a friendship with this looming over me? The rational part knows that you can have a discussion when a relationship evolves to an intimate level. And technically the finger isn't such a terrible place to have this. But it's such a hurdle to overcome!
To top it all off, it's harder for me to live here with all the things that annoy *me* that I have always accepted because it's a marriage and a partnership raising kids. Except I have a lot less incentive and it starts to look more appealing to at least have 50% of the time to do what I want with the kids.
Argh! Sorry to babble, but it's surprisingly helpful to vent and post. I appreciate your responses, Grace!
1 Comments
I noticed this was posted in 2011 and I hope things are going better for you. I've never need diagnosed with HW but I've looked it up online and I'm sure that I have it. My doctor just gave me a cream to put on it which send to make the outbreaks worse and more frequent. They are little itchy bubbles in the skin of my finger that have some kind of liquid in then that eventually opens up in to a small painful lesion. I've thought about putting on one of those finger condoms when I have a breakout. Thankfully my wife is ok with it. She's in the nursing field. This hasn't affected my life much at all except when it's painful. I guess I was just interested in knowing if things have gotten better for you.
The skin on the finger is too thick for the virus to shed from unless you have an obvious lesion present. no worries when you don't have obvious lesions. You'll have pain or itching prior to recurrences - that is when you start your antivirals to speed healing.
if staying with one partner for a lifetime was easy, we wouldn't have clergy members trained in marital counseling and marriage therapists!!! It's hard to live with the same person. have you suggested counseling at all?
if staying with one partner for a lifetime was easy, we wouldn't have clergy members trained in marital counseling and marriage therapists!!! It's hard to live with the same person. have you suggested counseling at all?
I was pretty sure chopping off a finger would not solve it, but I had to ask!
I'm uncomfortable stopping the suppressive therapy (though it's not like there is any current risk to anyone even if I have an outbreak). I understand I'm not that likely to have an outbreak, but I am worried about the virus shedding with no symptoms in the future. Part of me knows I should be OK shaking hands or passing someone a cup, but part of me can't get over it.
My marriage seems pretty solidly in the toilet (I truly believe that the whole HSV-1 thing just caused things to cross a line and then all the other nitpickity things crop up and mean so much more - that and I honestly believe she's having a mid-life crisis having just turned 40 and having gone through many physical changes, new friends, etc). It seems un-salvageable at this point. And not that I'm actually ready to date anyone anytime soon, but I also understand I need to navigate the waters to have the option if/when I am. Sorry, don't mean to rant or wallow here in self pity...
Thanks for the answers. I wish there were more specific resources and discussions for Herpetic Whitlow. Everything pretty much presumes HSV-1 for cold sores and HSV-2 for genital, with some acknowledgement they can both occur elsewhere. I'm not sure I'm better or worse having this in this location instead of the "standard" places.
I'm uncomfortable stopping the suppressive therapy (though it's not like there is any current risk to anyone even if I have an outbreak). I understand I'm not that likely to have an outbreak, but I am worried about the virus shedding with no symptoms in the future. Part of me knows I should be OK shaking hands or passing someone a cup, but part of me can't get over it.
My marriage seems pretty solidly in the toilet (I truly believe that the whole HSV-1 thing just caused things to cross a line and then all the other nitpickity things crop up and mean so much more - that and I honestly believe she's having a mid-life crisis having just turned 40 and having gone through many physical changes, new friends, etc). It seems un-salvageable at this point. And not that I'm actually ready to date anyone anytime soon, but I also understand I need to navigate the waters to have the option if/when I am. Sorry, don't mean to rant or wallow here in self pity...
Thanks for the answers. I wish there were more specific resources and discussions for Herpetic Whitlow. Everything pretty much presumes HSV-1 for cold sores and HSV-2 for genital, with some acknowledgement they can both occur elsewhere. I'm not sure I'm better or worse having this in this location instead of the "standard" places.
My Dr. took a sample off my finger with a swab and had it tested. It tested positive for HSV-1. I *thought* I remembered having cold sores as a kid, but not in for ever (might have been canker sores or something else - long time ago). I had just had surgery recently, and potentially my immune system was compromised which caused the outbreak to occur. Or for me to give it to myself (unsure if this is possible/likely - have seen conflicting information) Not sure how long I had something with my finger. For several years I had what they called dermatitis, but they never did tests. It would occasionally be bad for a few weeks, so it's possible. But who knows...
My wife refused to be tested. I think it falls into the category that if you don't *know* you have something, you don't have to mention it to anyone. Seeing as so many people have HSV-1, it's not unlikely she has it (previously or recently). But then she would be stuck knowing it. So I suspect she will never be tested.
My wife refused to be tested. I think it falls into the category that if you don't *know* you have something, you don't have to mention it to anyone. Seeing as so many people have HSV-1, it's not unlikely she has it (previously or recently). But then she would be stuck knowing it. So I suspect she will never be tested.
how did they diagnose you as having whitlow? is it hsv1 or hsv2?
can you recall ever having had cold sores?
did your wife get tested to know her own herpes status?
grace
can you recall ever having had cold sores?
did your wife get tested to know her own herpes status?
grace
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
sounds like your wife never bothered to be properly educated on herpes. she's gonna have a hard time finding a partner without it since 1 out of every 2-3 of us has hsv1 !!!
so, would amputating your finger solve the problem? no it will not. That's just the finger it likes to show up on. the virus infected the nerve ganglia that supplies your hands so cut off the finger you have had an ob on and it'll just reoccur on another finger the next time.
no real reason to take daily suppressive therapy. whitlow tends not to reoccur very often and is only contagious when you have obvious symptoms. we don't know if suppressive therapy helps to protect a partner from hsv1 in general anyways. http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_learn_oralherpes.cfm has terrific info on oral herpes for more reading on cold sores too.
odds are your wife also has hsv1 though she might not. if she is going to end a marriage over herpes, she needs to be better educated as well as get tested herself. she might be a tad surprised by the results!