Aa
Panicking about Herpes and have I got it?
I am suffering extreme anxiety about this so please can someone steer me in the right direction.
I am seeing a girl who last week told me after a week of seeing her she has genital Herpes, I don’t know if it’s 1 or 2 she is checking tonight with the clinic. As she says, it was a blur when she was told 2 years ago. she is a lovely girl but it’s very early and I don’t know if I can deal with this.
We haven’t had sex in light of this nor have I performed oral on her so I know my risk is small. I did my research and know that mutual masturbation is safe as is her touching me after touching herself. she is not having an outbreak at the moment and only gets a tingle twice a year and no sores.
Since last night I have panicked though
I got home from seeing her and we had no sexual contact and I was very horny. I masturbated to finish and noticed I had a sore finger when it was over and noticed a cut on my finger and I had used the same hand to masturbate.
This is also the same hand I fingered her with 5 days ago for about 10 minutes but it’s not the same fingers I used but my fourth one.
Now I am worried I got herpes from fingering her 5 days ago with a cut so have herpetic whitlow then I masturbated and have given myself genital herpes through inoculation
What a mess, is this all in my head?
To summarise I fingered her a week ago hard and 5 days ago softly.
The cut is fresh probably done yesterday and I haven’t fingered her for 5 days, surely I would have noticed a cut before now as it’s visible and a bit sore, looks like a paper cut and I was packing some boxes in my garage yesterday. There are no blisters and it hasn’t got worse overnight. I also have a sore thumb but I think it’s me rubbing it being paranoid.
I read that “herpetic whitlow can happen if you have an open cut or sore on a finger that comes in contact with sores or blisters around your face or genital area. The virus can enter your finger through this cut. If you don’t have a history of HSV, herpetic whitlow may develop if you come in contact with herpes sores or blisters on an infected person.”
Is it possible to catch herpetic whitlow if there are no sores?
As far as I know she had no sores as she has been honest about telling me about her status after meeting 3 times and hasn’t had a tingle for months so I don’t doubt her.
The other issue is if the cut had been there a few days ago, could she have touched herself,then touched me and then I touched myself and the body fluid got in the cut off my penis and I got it that way as I thought it couldn’t go through bodily fluids?
As you can see I am going round in circles and am lost.
please can you clarify if
1 herpetic whitlow is likely in these circumstances
2 if I did have herpetic whitlow, can I transfer it to my penis though masturbation and give myself genital herpes.
I am seeing a girl who last week told me after a week of seeing her she has genital Herpes, I don’t know if it’s 1 or 2 she is checking tonight with the clinic. As she says, it was a blur when she was told 2 years ago. she is a lovely girl but it’s very early and I don’t know if I can deal with this.
We haven’t had sex in light of this nor have I performed oral on her so I know my risk is small. I did my research and know that mutual masturbation is safe as is her touching me after touching herself. she is not having an outbreak at the moment and only gets a tingle twice a year and no sores.
Since last night I have panicked though
I got home from seeing her and we had no sexual contact and I was very horny. I masturbated to finish and noticed I had a sore finger when it was over and noticed a cut on my finger and I had used the same hand to masturbate.
This is also the same hand I fingered her with 5 days ago for about 10 minutes but it’s not the same fingers I used but my fourth one.
Now I am worried I got herpes from fingering her 5 days ago with a cut so have herpetic whitlow then I masturbated and have given myself genital herpes through inoculation
What a mess, is this all in my head?
To summarise I fingered her a week ago hard and 5 days ago softly.
The cut is fresh probably done yesterday and I haven’t fingered her for 5 days, surely I would have noticed a cut before now as it’s visible and a bit sore, looks like a paper cut and I was packing some boxes in my garage yesterday. There are no blisters and it hasn’t got worse overnight. I also have a sore thumb but I think it’s me rubbing it being paranoid.
I read that “herpetic whitlow can happen if you have an open cut or sore on a finger that comes in contact with sores or blisters around your face or genital area. The virus can enter your finger through this cut. If you don’t have a history of HSV, herpetic whitlow may develop if you come in contact with herpes sores or blisters on an infected person.”
Is it possible to catch herpetic whitlow if there are no sores?
As far as I know she had no sores as she has been honest about telling me about her status after meeting 3 times and hasn’t had a tingle for months so I don’t doubt her.
The other issue is if the cut had been there a few days ago, could she have touched herself,then touched me and then I touched myself and the body fluid got in the cut off my penis and I got it that way as I thought it couldn’t go through bodily fluids?
As you can see I am going round in circles and am lost.
please can you clarify if
1 herpetic whitlow is likely in these circumstances
2 if I did have herpetic whitlow, can I transfer it to my penis though masturbation and give myself genital herpes.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, it's possible she got it orally and just didn't get an outbreak. It's also possible that she didn't. Unfortunately, there is no way to know in the absence of symptoms orally. It's possible that if she does have it orally, that you could have gotten it from her from oral sex.
Okay, so what is your biggest fear here? Is it fear of the actual virus - will it be painful, will you suffer? Is it the stigma - what will others think, what happens if you and she don't work out and you have to maybe tell others that you have hsv1 (if you do get it from her, which is far from a certainty)? Is it a germ phobia (those are real)?
What do you think would happen if you did get hsv1 from her? Would you be able to live with that and not resent her?
Are you going to panic every time you have sexual activity with her? If so, that's not fair to her. She deserves more than to feel like a walking contagion all the time.
You don't have to answer me, just think about it.
Okay, so what is your biggest fear here? Is it fear of the actual virus - will it be painful, will you suffer? Is it the stigma - what will others think, what happens if you and she don't work out and you have to maybe tell others that you have hsv1 (if you do get it from her, which is far from a certainty)? Is it a germ phobia (those are real)?
What do you think would happen if you did get hsv1 from her? Would you be able to live with that and not resent her?
Are you going to panic every time you have sexual activity with her? If so, that's not fair to her. She deserves more than to feel like a walking contagion all the time.
You don't have to answer me, just think about it.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, this mess is all in your head, and I say that with kindness.
First, herpetic whitlow is rare, and painful. You wouldn't get it with intact (no breaks) skin. Second, it wouldn't live on your hands for 5 days (and lord, I am hoping you've washed your hands at least once in 5 days).
No matter which type she has, she is not a walking contagion. You are safer with her than one of the many people who have it and don't know it because she will avoid sex with you at any sign of an outbreak. There are steps you can take to reduce the risk of transmission, like using condoms and/or daily suppression meds, but if you do nothing but avoid sex when she has any symptoms, you'd have a 4-5% chance of getting herpes over the course of a year. If you used condoms OR she uses meds, it's about a 2-3% chance, and if both are used, it's about a 1-2% chance. (The chance of a woman getting pregnant on the pill each year with typical use of the pill -not taking it at the same time every day, etc- is about 9% over the course of a year.)
Ultimately, this is your decision, and you should make an informed one to be fair to her and yourself. You should read the Herpes Handbook, which is free and loaded with the best info out there - https://westoverheights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Updated-Herpes-Book.pdf
It's okay if you decline to enter into this relationship. We all make choices about relationships every day, but if you do decide to not enter it, all I ask is that you be kind when you leave it. Tell her in person, don't ghost her, and be honest. It will suck for her, but it's kinder to let her know than not, and leave her wondering. There will be people who won't mind that she has herpes that she can date, and there will be people without herpes you can date. Either way, you'll both be okay. :)
First, herpetic whitlow is rare, and painful. You wouldn't get it with intact (no breaks) skin. Second, it wouldn't live on your hands for 5 days (and lord, I am hoping you've washed your hands at least once in 5 days).
No matter which type she has, she is not a walking contagion. You are safer with her than one of the many people who have it and don't know it because she will avoid sex with you at any sign of an outbreak. There are steps you can take to reduce the risk of transmission, like using condoms and/or daily suppression meds, but if you do nothing but avoid sex when she has any symptoms, you'd have a 4-5% chance of getting herpes over the course of a year. If you used condoms OR she uses meds, it's about a 2-3% chance, and if both are used, it's about a 1-2% chance. (The chance of a woman getting pregnant on the pill each year with typical use of the pill -not taking it at the same time every day, etc- is about 9% over the course of a year.)
Ultimately, this is your decision, and you should make an informed one to be fair to her and yourself. You should read the Herpes Handbook, which is free and loaded with the best info out there - https://westoverheights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Updated-Herpes-Book.pdf
It's okay if you decline to enter into this relationship. We all make choices about relationships every day, but if you do decide to not enter it, all I ask is that you be kind when you leave it. Tell her in person, don't ghost her, and be honest. It will suck for her, but it's kinder to let her know than not, and leave her wondering. There will be people who won't mind that she has herpes that she can date, and there will be people without herpes you can date. Either way, you'll both be okay. :)
4 Comments
Yes thank you Jessi, Of course I washed my hands in 5 days. It’s more that I am anxious as I don’t know if the cut was there 5 days ago or not, I can’t guarantee it but I don’t think so.
can someone with it on their finger give it to themselves genitally through masturbation or is this not possible on a man on day 4/5 like I did last night?
also, what if the cut was their 5 days ago and through mutual masturbation her body fluid got in the cut is it possible?
lastly, I read that herpetic withlow is only possible is she has lesions present, I didn’t see any nor has she has she had an outbreak for months so is it therefore pretty much impossible with all the scenarios I mention.
I realise this is all irrelevant if the cut arrived yesterday as I thought but as I don’t know I am just trying to explore all avenues and hopefully discard it all as rubbish.
I like your comment about I am safer with her than someone who doesn’t know they have it. She is a great girl and I think I am wanting to be with her to see what happens.
can you let me know your thoughts on the above ?
Thanks in advance
can someone with it on their finger give it to themselves genitally through masturbation or is this not possible on a man on day 4/5 like I did last night?
also, what if the cut was their 5 days ago and through mutual masturbation her body fluid got in the cut is it possible?
lastly, I read that herpetic withlow is only possible is she has lesions present, I didn’t see any nor has she has she had an outbreak for months so is it therefore pretty much impossible with all the scenarios I mention.
I realise this is all irrelevant if the cut arrived yesterday as I thought but as I don’t know I am just trying to explore all avenues and hopefully discard it all as rubbish.
I like your comment about I am safer with her than someone who doesn’t know they have it. She is a great girl and I think I am wanting to be with her to see what happens.
can you let me know your thoughts on the above ?
Thanks in advance
"can someone with it on their finger give it to themselves genitally through masturbation or is this not possible on a man on day 4/5 like I did last night?"
It's possible if you had an actually HW outbreak. You do not.
"also, what if the cut was their 5 days ago and through mutual masturbation her body fluid got in the cut is it possible?"
Yes, this is how HW is possible, but as you said, you don't know that the cut was there. With her not having an outbreak, it's not likely this would happen.
"lastly, I read that herpetic withlow is only possible is she has lesions present, I didn’t see any nor has she has she had an outbreak for months so is it therefore pretty much impossible with all the scenarios I mention."
Yes, this is something I wouldn't worry about AT ALL. Like not even for 5 minutes.
"I like your comment about I am safer with her than someone who doesn’t know they have it. She is a great girl and I think I am wanting to be with her to see what happens."
I really truly think, and have said often, that herpes isn't reason enough to leave a good relationship, or stay in a bad one. If you like her, and you seem to, then don't let herpes stop you. Perhaps talk to her about going on suppressive meds, using condoms or both, but I'm happy to hear you want to give it a try.
Oh and if you decide not to, keep her herpes status to yourself. Don't be that person. She is honoring you by telling you to protect you and allowing you to make an informed decision, so honor her in return. :)
It's possible if you had an actually HW outbreak. You do not.
"also, what if the cut was their 5 days ago and through mutual masturbation her body fluid got in the cut is it possible?"
Yes, this is how HW is possible, but as you said, you don't know that the cut was there. With her not having an outbreak, it's not likely this would happen.
"lastly, I read that herpetic withlow is only possible is she has lesions present, I didn’t see any nor has she has she had an outbreak for months so is it therefore pretty much impossible with all the scenarios I mention."
Yes, this is something I wouldn't worry about AT ALL. Like not even for 5 minutes.
"I like your comment about I am safer with her than someone who doesn’t know they have it. She is a great girl and I think I am wanting to be with her to see what happens."
I really truly think, and have said often, that herpes isn't reason enough to leave a good relationship, or stay in a bad one. If you like her, and you seem to, then don't let herpes stop you. Perhaps talk to her about going on suppressive meds, using condoms or both, but I'm happy to hear you want to give it a try.
Oh and if you decide not to, keep her herpes status to yourself. Don't be that person. She is honoring you by telling you to protect you and allowing you to make an informed decision, so honor her in return. :)
Thank you Jessi, you have been helpful, I have stopped being irrational and my cut seems to have healed in 48 hours so panic over. I am going to see her though, this was all in my head . Thank you.
one last question Jessie, If she caught it through unprotected sex with her ex partner which she did, isn’t it likely she also has it orally as I am sure oral sex was part of their sex life and if she had got it from him genitally then isn’t it likely she got it in the mouth too.
we haven’t had sex but I have received oral from her and am now wondering if it’s likely I could have got it genitally from her mouth.
she says she has never had a cold sore and nothing was visible but technically this is possible and I am now worried about that instead.
please confirm your thought?
Thanks in advance
we haven’t had sex but I have received oral from her and am now wondering if it’s likely I could have got it genitally from her mouth.
she says she has never had a cold sore and nothing was visible but technically this is possible and I am now worried about that instead.
please confirm your thought?
Thanks in advance
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
