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Sexism and herpes?
Anytime I look for help with this disease on the internet I am met with a slew of a abuse from people I have never met. I am still in a relationship with the person that gave me herpes and so I have never (or never intend to) sleep with someone and not tell them I have herpes. However I recently watched a video about telling someone you intend to have sex with and later who you have already have sex with that you have herpes.
I understand the idea of someone not disclosing to you they have herpes is a frustrating thing as it is your decision to risk that, however I can't help but feel like comments such as:
'I would kill a ***** if she gave me herpes'
'I would break my knuckles on a girls face, no lie I'd physically and emotionally break her'
Are far fetched and ultimately sexist. Does it not occur to these men that we have usually caught this from MALES that have failed to disclose it to us. Do our feelings not occur to them? I would not take it as sexist if I ever saw similar comments targeted at men but they never are. Me and my partner have known about out herpes for six months and whilst he is dealing with it fine it is breaking me because of things like this, I cannot deal with having to read things like this every time I look for help. I feel personally targeted by these vile people, as if my worth is defined by an ultimately harmless disease, as if it says something about the person I am.
I understand the idea of someone not disclosing to you they have herpes is a frustrating thing as it is your decision to risk that, however I can't help but feel like comments such as:
'I would kill a ***** if she gave me herpes'
'I would break my knuckles on a girls face, no lie I'd physically and emotionally break her'
Are far fetched and ultimately sexist. Does it not occur to these men that we have usually caught this from MALES that have failed to disclose it to us. Do our feelings not occur to them? I would not take it as sexist if I ever saw similar comments targeted at men but they never are. Me and my partner have known about out herpes for six months and whilst he is dealing with it fine it is breaking me because of things like this, I cannot deal with having to read things like this every time I look for help. I feel personally targeted by these vile people, as if my worth is defined by an ultimately harmless disease, as if it says something about the person I am.
It's terrible. You're lucky your still w your giver. Mine is in denial it was him and wont date me nor touch me even as we are still friends since. I hate this disease. Wish it never happened to me. It's ruined my life and my sex life. :(
2 Comments
I recently read an article about cold sores and genital herpes and how similar they really are that helped me to come to grips with having herpes. I encourage you to think about this in a positive light, for me one of the primary positives was learning the true importance of looking after my sexual health with no REAL consequences. Yes herpes can be mentally draining but it has no effect on your health in the same way chlamydia etc does. My fertility nor my health will never be affected by an STI because now (and only through this disease) do I understand the full importance of looking after myself. I think it's points like this id like to raise to future partners before sex, in many ways at this point I am at peace with this disease and I hope soon you will be too x
http://thehairpin.com/2013/11/how-i-found-out-i-didnt-have-the-herpes-id-been-living-with-for-four-years/
This is that article, here I had the realisation that people shouldn't find me disgusting for disclosing I have genital herpes but rather glad I feel obligated since those with oral herpes wrongly think they don't have to
This is that article, here I had the realisation that people shouldn't find me disgusting for disclosing I have genital herpes but rather glad I feel obligated since those with oral herpes wrongly think they don't have to
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
