how to tell my bf i have herpes

[concerned013]

I've been seeing this guy for three months and we've just told each other those three little words - "I love you!" I feel I can tell him anything and while that's a wonderful feeling, I know I should have been honest with him earlier. I have oral type-1 herpes. We've always used condoms, I've never gone down on him, and I've only ever had oral sores (and then only once since the beginning of our relationship - and I made sure to avoid contact during the outbreak).

Well, I just got a genital sore - I don't know how, but perhaps I touched an oral sore and then the virus spread down south somehow. At any rate, I don't know how to tell him. I know not to engage in intercourse with him, that much is obvious, but I just don't know what to say. If anyone has anything that might help, please let me know.

[gracefromHHP]

there used to be quite a bit of groups out there but unfortunately the crappy economy has affected the asha funding for them. same as planned parenthood and std clinics don't have funding to run many of them any more either :(  

[concerned013]

Thanks a lot! That's unfortunate (but, I suppose, not entirely unsurprising) that there aren't too many face-to-face groups out there. I just with it wasn't so stigmatized, you know? Anyway, thanks again for your help and I'll be sure to check out those sites :-)

[gracefromHHP]

not too many face to face support groups out there :(  you can check out the ashastd.org site under the herpes info under the support groups section. also sometimes there are social herpes groups on yahoo groups -if you find one near you, you might be lucky to find a group of folks willing to chit chat about herpes, not just socialize together and that's often helpful too :)

[concerned013]

Thanks for the support, Grace. I really appreciate it, and I know these things deep down. It's just getting through the now that's the hard part. But I look forward to meeting those genuine guys who are worth my time who I can share everything with - just not herpes ;-)

Also, I was wondering what's the best way to find a herpes support group in my area? I've been looking online but so far all I've really found has been online forums - which, as evidenced by your and others' supportive advice, has been extremely helpful...but just isn't the same as an in-person group of my peers. Just thought I'd ask and see if you know a better way to search than just using good ole Google. Thanks!

[gracefromHHP]

just because one fellow decided they couldn't handle the idea of you having herpes, doesn't mean they all won't. statistically 1 out of every 2-3 of them has hsv1 orally themselves so talking about all std's and testing, especially herpes testing is way to make educated decisions about what precautions to take.  

hang in there - there are fellows out there worth your time I"m told :)

[concerned013]

Indeed. HSV-1 it is. God, I'm such a mess (over this breakup). I feel so guilty and self-hating and I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it since it's totally my fault. It all just sucks.

I hate the fact that - up until now - this has been something I've medicated and been able to live with completely fine, but when I actually found someone who treated me right and (I thought) loved me for me, I wasn't ready to deal with my condition and hid it from him. I just hope I can learn from this and get as much information as I can from my doctor about how to be safe in the future. I know I'll be fine, it's just the now that hurts the most.

And yeah, I'm a die-hard X-phile ;-)

[gracefromHHP]

so they tested the symptoms you had genitally and they came back hsv1+?

just restarted the whole x files series from the beginning for the zillionth time this weekend so funny you'd quote mulder...lol.

[concerned013]

I did, thanks for asking, Grace. I was right and I was wrong - I have genital hsv-1, which makes sense as I've gotten only one sore "down there" (mostly it's been cold sores). I'm feeling a lot better about the situation though. I was in the wrong, and I don't blame him at all for his decision. I completely understand, my fear and ignorance about the virus led to his mistrust. I should have told him before we did "the wild thing" (as Agent Mulder would say haha). Since I omitted the truth, I was being just as disrespectful as the ******* who gave it to me. Alright, I'm rambling now. Suffice it to say that I feel I have learned from my mistake, and I hope to move on with my and take all I can from this.

[gracefromHHP]

did you ever go to be seen to follow up on your genital symptoms?

grace

[concerned013]

So, thanks guys for your support, but I told him and he seemed to take it well...until he broke up with me the very next day. I think, for him, it was the fact that I had kept it from him until now, more so than the actual fear of getting it himself. While it's unfortunate and I'm still a pretty big mess right now, I've had amazing support from my friends and family and I know I can get through this. I just need to be better prepared in the future, and be honest with myself and others. I can't truly love someone - or expect someone to love me - if I don't respect myself enough to be honest with those I care about.

Anyway, thanks for listening, and I can't wait to become the person I strive to be :)

[Kay1976]

I've been dating a man for 5 years now. When I told him I had contracted hsv2 (after 2 yrs of dating) we simply had a long conversation about it. He got tested and came out clean. He was more scared that he would get it. We both were uneducated at the time. The best thing is to sit your bf down and talk to him. Educate him. If he really, truly loves you, he will stay by your side.

[bobrope45]

you should be seen by a doctor as soon as possible to found out what is going on genitally. it´s not plausible to transmit hsv1 to your genital after having it orally for many years. you cannot know for now if this is indeed genital herpes and if it´s hsv1 and not hsv.

[scaredlatino]

just be honest with him.... if he really like you he would understand.... and you should get that are swab.... so they can know what type is it