Hello everyone.  I need some advice.

Basically, I have known I have had a genital wart since 2012.  I have been treated about 4 or 5 times for them, and every time I go, I was always told this is not a big deal, and once they were cleared, I could have sex again seemingly without hurting anyone.  

I had a girlfriend who ended up having herpes (unrelated) we have 0% knowledge as to how this happened, since none of our previous partners show any symptoms.  We found out about this early on.  

I had never mentioned the wart removal because I thought I was ok, but when I found one, I let her know.  She was hurt, but continued to be with me (I hope not because of the herpes) A month later we broke up due to her wanting to be with another and I am assuming the STI's.  

She now hates me and believe I intentially infected her with both warts and herpes.  I never knew anything about the HSV1 at all, and yes I did know about the past warts.  My problem comes from this.  I know I had no malicious intent with the warts, and there is a lot of contradictary information out there.  I don't know what to do, because it seems I made a mistake.  I don't want her to hurt, and I don't want her to hate me.  I realize we are no longer together and I have no intention of trying to be with her again, but she was an important person to me, and I feel terrible.  

I have no idea how the herpes virus came to infect us, and the only part of this relationship I feel bad about (despite the way she left) after researching more is this HPV issue.  What can I do?  I'm confused and hurt.
Best Answer
Avatar universal
5 out of 10 sexually active adults have herpes. Half do not know. 8 out of 10 sexually active adults have HPV and half do not know. If she was sexually active before meeting you, the odds are good that she was exposed to them. Some people test for HSV1 and HSV2 routinely along with other STDs when they are sexually active. Esp before they start a new relationship,

Most doctors do not recommend telling any future partner of HPV since it is so popular. Yes, there is a lot of contradictory information in the medical world. Doctors tell patients that 3-6 months after all warts are gone that they are safe to have sex with. However, they also tell them that they could become infectious again at any time. This is the reason why so many are getting it. Even women who can get tested and can get a procedure done can go from being not infectious to infectious but it isn't the norm.  

If you had sex with her while having an active and visible wart, you may have infected her with that particular strain. But as I wrote earlier, if she was active before meeting you, she probably had one or more strains. She should get tested yearly for HPV and Herpes. Let her know that there is no such thing as absolutely safe sex. It just doesn't exist. And if she had ANY sex before meeting you (oral, genital, etc), then she risked your health too.
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Avatar universal
Thank you veryworried.  I guess what I am getting at, is I know I had them removed and I never said anything.  Very much like you suggest, there is a lot of contradictory information out there.  I feel horrible, because I know I wasn't trying to hide it maliciously.  I thought I had a right to not talk about it, and furthermore that I wouldn't hurt her.  As far as the herpes is concerned, I have no idea how we got that :(
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Avatar universal
what do warts first look like when first spotted?  Or do they look the same once you spot it?
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Avatar universal
They look like little flesh colored bumps.  
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