Avatar universal

Dealing with HPV

I don't have a question, really, I guess I'm looking for a little support... When I started dating my current boyfriend late last year I had had little to no sexual experience. I was 23 and had not yet had sex (oral, anal or intercourse) because of several different personal reasons. About six months into the relationship (February), I decided to have sex  with him, and often. At the beginning of May he shamefully told me his story of getting infected with HPV and told me that I may have it. I went to get tested and just found out Saturday that I tested positive for the virus (unspecified strain).

I dearly love my boyfriend and have forgiven him for this serious offence, we are even getting more serious. The only thing I am having trouble with is shame at not waiting until marriage as I had planned and feeling like this is a consequence of breaking a promise to myself. I cry and cry sometimes feeling like I made a mistake, wondering if I've made the right decision to be with him.  I feel a heavy burden at not being "pure" and (proudly) free of any STIs...

Has anyone else felt this way?
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Avatar universal
Funny, I'm having that exact same feeling about no longer being pure and free of STI's, and I'm 45 years old.  I caught a wart strain at 41 and didn't realize I had it until a few months ago, at 44.  My sexual experience has been pretty limited through the years, partly because I was afraid of catching something.

This may sound strange, but I'm actually hoping I contracted at least one of the more common high-risk strains (like strain 16) when I was younger.  I'm hoping I caught it and fought it off years ago so I won't have to worry about whether I caught it from the same person who gave me the GW.  Women in their 20's tend to fight the infections much more effectively than older women, so there's actually an advantage to contracting HPV when you're younger, then you develop immunity to those strains you've contracted.

That said, don't you wonder why your man, who knew he was carrying a virus, didn't insist that you get vaccinated with Gardasil before he had sex with you, especially if he didn't know what strain he's carrying?  I don't have any kids, but, if you were my daughter, I'd be dragging him out to the wood shed by his ear (or maybe by another body part).

Try not to worry too much about being pure.  It can feel good, but it can be pretty lonely.  What guy could possibly live up to that?  Now you can be a member of the not-so-pure majority; it's a really big club and the members tend to be more friendly (if you know what I mean).

Maybe you'll be with your guy for a long time, maybe you won't.  People will come and go in your life.  The only person you're guaranteed to have a lifetime relationship with is yourself; always be sure to take care of yourself.

Get vaccinated - Gardasil - get it.
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Avatar universal
He knew he had HPV because a previous partner found she had it so he got several tests to check and that's when he found out. He just didn't tell me because he was ashamed, scared, etc. HPV is the only thing he has. When he broke the truth to me I demanded to know if there was anything else I should know about. He had recentlybeen tested just before we got together so he knows HPV is the only thing he has. Also, when I got tested, I checked for other STIs as well and am clear.

And it's not a strain with warts. Even though he forgot his specific strain, he did research when he first found out and there are no visible markers for his type.
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652407 tn?1300737199
I'm sorry that you were decieved, but you can't blame yourself you are 23 and have only had this one partner you should feel good about yourself; there are 16 year old who have had 2-3 or more partners. I too was in a long term committed relationship and gave him my V as I though we were gonna get married and never looked back on it until we broke up but even so I go to church and I've asked for forgiveness... but I think if you are looking for a future with this guy then you shouldn't burden yourself with this.

BUT, I honestly think you and your BF should consider getting STD testing just to make sure he doesn't have any other STDs and you didn't get any other STDs.

I hope things get better for you and don't be so hard on yourself =)
Helpful - 0
784382 tn?1376931040
maybe you will end up marrying him if you love him so much.... and how did he know he had HPV??....does he have the wart strand??.... i also have HPV just found out a few months ago and have done a biopsy and now they want to do a cone biopsy which is more of a surgery..... but ne ways as far as i know they CANNOT test men...cannot tell if they have HPV and cannot test it in men yet . unless he has warts somewhere how else did he know??....im just curious because i did some SERIOUS research about this subject when i found out and still do alot of it......im sure you would feel this way, but there is a reason that you did have sex with him....because you love him and think he could possibly be the "one".....you shouldnt cry and feel bad because you cant take it back now.... talk to god, ask for his forgiveness...god is good and forgives.....if you feel it was a huge mistake speak with you boyfriend and tell him that you dont want to have sex anymore until you are married......how does he feel about that??......im here if you need to talk.....
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