Feeling like all hope is lost. Please comment share words of encouragement.

[TheWoeIsMeGal]

I recently had sex with someone now known to have genital warts. I stress the word recently because doing some research on HPV It can show anywhere from weeks to years before you even know your infected. I was with this person for since HS  and I cant say that I waited to lose my virginity and I know he didnt not to mention we both had been sexually active prior to meeting each other. I will also note that I was sexually active before I got the gardasil injection in 2007 or 2008 and only got 1 because I was scared of the complications people were having. Which brings me here now. Like most people I knew nothing about this and thought you could get rid of GW or HPV in time. I have not had a pap test in about 3 years because I trusted the person I was with and every single time my STD results came up negative I did not get tested for HPV. Since then I've introduce a new partner into my life and we have had unprotected sex and have been together since. Imagine the mess when I found out my Ex had GW and I now had to tell my fiance there is a chance that I too could have HPV too and so could he even if this whole time I've been wart clear and still to this day am wart free never had one in my life. To add to this tragic story I now need to get an HIV test done within the next month or so do a possible contact.

-Some notes to add and point at once more. Im wart free and so is my fiance.
- I have a vaginal discharge pure white in color I could compare it to milk sometimes its liquid other times more like sticky with no smell. I have been tested for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia 2 months ago both test were urine samples and came back negative.
- So far my fiance has had no changes in his genitals since we last had sex since june 19th. Keep in mind with the research some people dont show signs and Im guessing I would be one and Im expecting I gave it to him although he has no change. When we first got together there was a growth on his penis thats always been there and never changes in size never multiplies or anything. He has been to the Dr and even the hospital to check it out even before he got with me and after and they said its nothing to worry about. He says hes always had it and I was the first unprotected sex he had. ( I feel horrible )

- I have an IUD
- I smoke and drink
- I get tested for STDS tomorrow at a clinic that treats and test STDs because I cant afford insurance and will mention that I have been sexually active with someone with GW and Im wondering if I need to ask for a HPV test as well. Im seeing that everything will Ive done is now sitting in front of me. I can not run from it and I want to just crawl in a hole and die.

My fiance is understanding and says he will be with me through it all- aids/stds/hpv/cancer you name it. He has stuck to his word and he is the only small light at the end of all this.
I keep having thoughts that Im doomed I should expect cancer. I feel no pain no itching other then the occasional normal itch. Im wondering is there any hope for me at all? is there really a way to live with this and still be happy.
Im so scared and I will update even if no one will listen or reply simply because I really have no one to talk to about it.
Im feel like pure crap having a man find who considers me the woman of his dreams with something as nightmarish as this. I have not smiled since all this I burst out in tears at random moments, I spend hours a day reading stories about failure to "cure" their HPV after leep or 1-2-3-4 years and Im scared. This is my last relationship as I plan to cause no more harm to anyone. Im also going to start using condoms with my fiance if sex is even an option at this point. But Im still scared. I want to end it all. Im 22 and I have to accept the fact that I might never see 25 or more because of this. What do I do....what can I do.

I'll update tomorrow.

[LightningF]

@wefette: talking about research, here's mine:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_papillomavirus

http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm

http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/CancerCauses/OtherCarcinogens/InfectiousAgents/HPV/thinking-about-testing-for-hpv

can you tell me why all these sites (and they are not infamous sites) tell us that we can suppress the virus within 1 to 2 years?

If you are part of the 10% that can't suppress your virus after 2 years then please forgive me but i have friends who had genital warts, get recurrence once a month 6 times, then never had it anymore within 2 years afterward, what did you call that?

[Weffette]

HPV   CAN be dangerous... HPV is contagious..AND...they DO NOT GO AWAY in a couple of years.  I know ALL of this because when I was 15...I was raped and 3 months later I discoverd warts.  I had to have them surgically removed.  They can become cancerous.
Just an FYI.

LightningF:  PLEASE...diet, excersize, abstenance...NONE will CURE HPV.

The WoeIsMeGal...unless you have them removed and get all the follow up treatments done, you run the risk of ill health.  Gardisil is NOT a healthy or well researched "immunization". The drug company is being sued by MANY.
At this point..it doesn't matter who, when, where, or why you got them...if you have them...get treatment. leave it at that.  Doesn't help to fret and worry dear, once you have them...you need to move to the next step and take care of yourself. Forget the "blame game"...just love who you are with and be honest, open and caring. If he loves you, he will be the same...loving, caring and honest.
Research but your most important thing to do...see your OB/GYN and get these taken care of...please.
Much luck to you.

[TheWoeIsMeGal]

ALSO I left this out there was a point that me and my ex broke up and I had sex with someone that later informed me that he tested positive for a STD and got antibiotics for it. So I went and got checked nothing even took AB's because I was like whatever it is kill it. And after I was already with my ex once again enjoying our lives because of this I got tested (nothing) and this got me thinking so I looked at everything every bump every whatever that didnt look normal on me and on my ex since I had gotten back with him. The same bumps I pointed out on my ex before  where now more little but more. I instantly reverted back to oh hell no called the guy up and asked him if he ever had GW his story: Even since he was kid before he was sexually active he would get bumps on his penis and the doctor would tell him its nothing they would come and then go away go and come away again. I WAS like did you get checked for everything since and he said he got his yearly exam and was checked by a doctor and thats how he found out this time he had an STD. He did contact me event though he waited to tell me that I needed to get checked out for the STD (which I did) nothing bad. But now Im wondering if he is the cause of the recent flare up in my ex because from the breakup to the hook up with the other guy and then back to the get together of me and my ex you can count about 1 month to 2 which is right around when new bumps on him started to show up. Still again Im wondering WHY my ex and not me if I went right back into our sex life. His has gotten worse but I have none.



Is this due to the one shot of gardasil I got could it be I dont get the warts because of this? but if thats the case how could I have transfered the warts to him without having any on me? and why am I not getting any and why is my fiance clear of it from what he knows today?

[TheWoeIsMeGal]

***UPDATE***I gave in tried the ACV to see if there was anything white or pink or tan or just different then when I put it on there. NADA in the first 10 mins trying again just because Im overly crazy. I tried it on him and I mean WOW exactly what I thought in the first place all the little bunched up ones and clusters turned white I noticed two I couldnt even see before and I also notice some that look like if compared the little bumps that your hair grows out of or pimples Im praying that you are right that Im HPV positive type low risk and that my partner will get the warts but I wont. Keeping mind I guess this factor:


Question 1: because Ive read your post and I seriously respect you and I hope if your fighting this now that you have clearness in the future and always :]
A) I had sex with him exposed to it in Late feb/early March then a few times between then all unprotected because up until then- yes I was ignorant to such an STD and didnt think twice to force him to go and get an OFFICIAL drs guess on what it was- it has been a total of 6-7 months of exposer.
  I did have sex with him while he had his warts and Im wondering even with my current if I didnt get the warts in the 2 months or later  total of feb-now even though while still messing with my infected ex am I safe now even months later from the warts?

Question 2: What are the test regarding to HPV that I need to get so that I know that my current partner is also active? Lets say I had sex with my fiance yesterday even after having sex with my ex unprotected and my fiance unprotected in total what are the chances Im free


the 50/50 question is it common to find warts in females on the walls of the vagina and on the cervix because if thats the case then is it possible that they show up inside of me but not on the outside is that crazy or possible or what? I mean its kind of odd if they grow on the inside and never on the outside but as far as I can spread my lips to see inside its all pink and smooth no little bumps no nothing. Is this possible.

[TheWoeIsMeGal]

Feb then in march I noticed them as he asked me some questions and then I asked him to get checked (him being him) he didn't. Now that I knew what I was looking for he just thought they came from shaving his scrotum or from skin tags since he has a bunch of moles on his body. As they grew in number on his shaft I asked him to let me see. Now we are here and I notice them and they look like warts should exactly bumpy from his scrotum or in a common group up the shaft or individually by themselves. I dont know exactly how long he has had them and because of that I never got tested nor treated. He never got treated. And this recent outbreak started 3 months ago and I dont see any warts on the inside of my vagina nor do I see them on the lips. Other then a discharge I dont notice anything uncommon. Im curious as to if I want to try the vinegar test to see if I see anything crazy.

http://www.hpvfaq.com/Pictures/images/warts_female_anus_vagina.jpg

this picture is one that makes me fear the most because they are sooooo tiny and almost look as if they dont exist. So Im guessing that could be the issue, I cant see them. How do I know if the clinics will be able to even tell what they are so often state clinics treat you and send you on your way to make way for the numbers of masses of the general public. How exact are a dr's visual exam. Regardless of that I stll have to go and see if I have them in the inside. If all that you say is possible then Im carrying a low risk HPV which relieves me a 1/3 of the way. I still have to get tested about the discharge once more & Now I stil have to get tested for HIV.

[SkaterDave]

Girl, let me speak plainly:  

You are suffering from the same thing that nearly everyone suffers from when they arrive at this site.  You are melting down into a freak out.  Everything you have been thinking in your head, all the fear, all the hopelessness, all the self-hatred, as well as the "what do I do nows" is a product of your own mind and not warranted based on the facts.  It is your imperative duty to educate yourself and get over it so that you can continue on with your great relationship and be fulfilled, happy, and positive.

Questions, how do you know your ex has warts?  When did he have warts? You say recently, how recently have you slept with him?  Do you know that if you don't have warts within six months of the contact then you probably don't have them.  Most warts arrive within three months.  Very rarely is it over six.  If you are positve your ex has the HPV wart virus, you need to know when he thinks he got it.  Did he receive treatment?  If so, how many times did he need to go for treatment, or how many flare ups has he had?  Were these during your relationship?  Do you know that you are not necessarily contagious if you have no warts present?  Do you know that between flare ups, if you've gotten them removed that you are not necessarily contagious?  These are all questions you need answers to if you are going to be logical about this.  Your body clears HPV in about a year to two years max.  You don't carry warts around for the rest of your life.  Sometimes, when a woman becomes pregnant the changes in here hormones and immune response can cause a flare up.  So can HIV or cancer treatment.  Other than that, when they are gone they are gone almost always.  

I think you don't have them.  I think you didn't get them from your ex and you haven't given them to your fiance.  Kind of funny how much mental anguish you've gone through for no reason.  That's why you have to stop it.  Now, I need more answers to your situation so that I can say you probably don't have it.  I need to know those things about your ex, how long has it been since you had sex with him?  

Also, HPV is no big deal.  Even if you had warts it is nothing more than a skin cosmetics problem.  With warts you go in and get them removed and then go in again if they come back and do that until they don't come back anymore.  That is it.  It's simple and there are no health risks from it at all.  It's just a stigma.  You are reacting to that stigma and not the science.  Don't be hard on yourself though, we all did that.  Just read down the forum at all the doomsday first posts of people.  Hell, I did it too.  I was pretty bad.  

There is a difference between high-risk and low-risk HPV though.  Warts are from low-risk and the cervical cancer is from high-risk.  Men don't have problems from high-risk, they are just carriers and there is not test available to determine if men are carriers or not.  High-risk HPV rarely leads to problems in women and nearly every time resolves itself.  Even if it does lead to a problem, it gets caught quickly and things are treated.  To find out more about high-risk, look up hollyv on this forum.  She's great.  

Anyway, gotta run. Stop worrying, learn the facts, know you've overreacted about 10,000%  

[TheWoeIsMeGal]

Have you been through this? God Bless You &Thank you for reading this. I cant tell you how much it means to me that you commented and that I could finally have my story heard because I have no one and no insurance and no job since I lost mine so words and hope if I can find any are all I have. As we speak Im trying so hard not to stress but just the amount of vitamins I just purchased 40 mins ago laid out in front of me depresses me. I feel dead already like why fight it why get checked Ive ignored my body for so long what good would it do me. I want to get tested because Its already done I guess its self torture to know what I have or I could have what might kill me or will kill me and the person  I love. God only knows how sorry I am. Being a grown woman by age I should have been smarter I should have kept testing I should have found a way to get pap smears.

I have a question I want to know is there a slight chance that because I dont have gential warts but the person I was seeing does and had them at the time we had sex unprotected and even since repeated contact of someone that does and on my end going on 3 full months of awareness and wart free that I might just have a strain that causes cancer that has a hope of removal? Is it possible for a strain that causes warts in men is a strain that does not cause warts for women? ANY ONE HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING AND ONLY BEING DIAGNOSED WITH  DYSPLASIA OR SOMETHING OF THE SORTS?
OR
HAVE ANY OF YOU BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH DYSPLASIA AND YOUR MALE PARTNER GOT WARTS FROM IT?

[LightningF]

genital wart strain is confusing.

Sometimes if someone has it and she infect you, you might not show any wart at all, but then when you pass the virus to someone else, that someone else might have warts...

You are correct that some people require more than 2 years to get rid of their HPV infection but if you can change your lifestyle (go to gym, get proper diet, multivitamin daily, dont drink, dont smoke, dont have sex anymore), within 2 years you WOULD get rid of it, im certain of it. Just remember to not get depressed as it can change your hormonal system and furthermore cause more damage to yourself.

Genital wart does nothing except the appearance itself, so you dont have to worry too much. What's done is done. Now just change your lifestyle and everytime you see a wart, go to doctor. That's what you can do. Nothing else.