Aa
brice1967
I said once before that No One Is Wrong Here - That We Are All Right - I Sincerely Believe That!!
We are Each of Us Entitled to Feel what We Feel in Response to Our Experiences - there's no Right or Wrong way to Feel - there's just what We Feel.
I am OutSpoken, I'm Direct, I don't Mince Words, I say it Like I See it - but I'm not criticizIng You nor am I judging You for How You Feel. I'm simply stating my own thought/feeling/idea/observation. I may not be right - but I may not be wrong either - who really knows??
I think We NEVER "lose" our "Inner Child" but I do think as adults We can allow OurSelves to see things Somewhat Differently than We did as Children & we can begin to realize Our Parents (birth AND adoptive parents) have/had Their Issues too. We may not know what they are but We know They have them!! We're a step ahead of Our Parents in the sense that They didn't have the Verbal Skills or the "tools" to work through their Issues in the same way these things are available to Us today. I told "MY STORY" a few posts back in which I mentioned that my Mother was an alcoholic - She was severly abusive to me & I DEFINITLY had/have Issues as a result - but I suspect Hers must have been Greater than mine - I can share and work on my Issues & She never did - whatever was so Very Very Wrong for Her, well, She took it with Her.
That being said, I admire HUGELY what You are doing with DeeDee. Granted, I would be 1st to say You owe Her that!! - but none-the-less - I admire You for doing it!! It shows Sincere Remorse and I wish the best to You Both.
Regards,
TTinKK
We are Each of Us Entitled to Feel what We Feel in Response to Our Experiences - there's no Right or Wrong way to Feel - there's just what We Feel.
I am OutSpoken, I'm Direct, I don't Mince Words, I say it Like I See it - but I'm not criticizIng You nor am I judging You for How You Feel. I'm simply stating my own thought/feeling/idea/observation. I may not be right - but I may not be wrong either - who really knows??
I think We NEVER "lose" our "Inner Child" but I do think as adults We can allow OurSelves to see things Somewhat Differently than We did as Children & we can begin to realize Our Parents (birth AND adoptive parents) have/had Their Issues too. We may not know what they are but We know They have them!! We're a step ahead of Our Parents in the sense that They didn't have the Verbal Skills or the "tools" to work through their Issues in the same way these things are available to Us today. I told "MY STORY" a few posts back in which I mentioned that my Mother was an alcoholic - She was severly abusive to me & I DEFINITLY had/have Issues as a result - but I suspect Hers must have been Greater than mine - I can share and work on my Issues & She never did - whatever was so Very Very Wrong for Her, well, She took it with Her.
That being said, I admire HUGELY what You are doing with DeeDee. Granted, I would be 1st to say You owe Her that!! - but none-the-less - I admire You for doing it!! It shows Sincere Remorse and I wish the best to You Both.
Regards,
TTinKK
Lovemykids465, I am sorry that Joey had an unfortunate encounter with his birth parents. I've thought about that possibility long and hard. I've got a picture in my mind that if there was ever a face to cafe meeting, I'd like to sit down over a cup of coffee, find out as much info as I could and then move on. I dont want anything else from my biological parents. Essentially I I got from them was enough to be born, and MY real parents raised me. (For that, I am eternally greatful) I've also thought of finding my birth parents and them not being willing to give me any information. The simple fact of the matter is, I dont want to become part of their lives. I dont want to be any more involved than I already am. Information is all I seek, and if a friendship developes....fine, if not, no worries and I am not expecting that.
Ant Tinks right about some answers never being answered. I guess theres a place we can all get to in our mind that allows us to move forward. I've done that numerous times especially with things of no real matter. This for some reason bothers the hell out of me, and I am having a hell of a time dropping it. I conducted a half baked attempt at finding them years ago. Right off the bat a woman made contact and we were comparing notes for about 3 weeks, then out of nowhere she changed her email address and quit making contact. That pissed me off because there was absolutely no closure there. She could have told me that there was no possibility that she was my birth parent...or she could have told me that this is getting too close to home and that she would like to stop. I would have been good with that if I could have gotten some answers.....its all I want, and I would have gladly dropped it.
And seeanna, I have never thought of a hypnotist. That is a really good idea. I am attempting another half baked look and dont know how much energy I want to put into it. I figure I will poke around and work in small intervals, but I need to get over this crap one way or the other. I guess in the whole spectrum of things I might not matter so much-but I'd like to know what my ethnic make up is. Might be somewhat helpful to my kids down the line.....I dont know
Ant Tinks right about some answers never being answered. I guess theres a place we can all get to in our mind that allows us to move forward. I've done that numerous times especially with things of no real matter. This for some reason bothers the hell out of me, and I am having a hell of a time dropping it. I conducted a half baked attempt at finding them years ago. Right off the bat a woman made contact and we were comparing notes for about 3 weeks, then out of nowhere she changed her email address and quit making contact. That pissed me off because there was absolutely no closure there. She could have told me that there was no possibility that she was my birth parent...or she could have told me that this is getting too close to home and that she would like to stop. I would have been good with that if I could have gotten some answers.....its all I want, and I would have gladly dropped it.
And seeanna, I have never thought of a hypnotist. That is a really good idea. I am attempting another half baked look and dont know how much energy I want to put into it. I figure I will poke around and work in small intervals, but I need to get over this crap one way or the other. I guess in the whole spectrum of things I might not matter so much-but I'd like to know what my ethnic make up is. Might be somewhat helpful to my kids down the line.....I dont know
Tink is right some things will never be answered and we all need to learn to live with it. Regarding my daughters medical care, yes it may have been different if we knew more info. She may not have had to had bone marrow and kidney testing if we knew it was in the family. It is very hard to watch your child suffer in pain, but she as well as we have made it trough it and has made us stronger.
Hey why not go to a hypnotist and get it removed from your mind it is obviously really troubling you and I know how hard it is to shut thoughts down.
Or if you think of it don't dwell on it the hypnotist can do that too.
You were given up like I was and because of that action it is still haunting you its like being rejected over and over .
When you start to think about it let Dee Dee and your children slip ...into your mind and your present and your future is what counts and they are the constant! let that warmth overtake you,don't you see... they make you real, give you substance they need you to guide them and love them forever.
Its here and now that is so important nothing else matters and just know You would never reject them tell them you love them every chance you get because for sure they love you back.
Or if you think of it don't dwell on it the hypnotist can do that too.
You were given up like I was and because of that action it is still haunting you its like being rejected over and over .
When you start to think about it let Dee Dee and your children slip ...into your mind and your present and your future is what counts and they are the constant! let that warmth overtake you,don't you see... they make you real, give you substance they need you to guide them and love them forever.
Its here and now that is so important nothing else matters and just know You would never reject them tell them you love them every chance you get because for sure they love you back.
Yeah, same Dynamics, I would imagine!! Maybe Certain Answers to Certain Questions will NEVER be forthcoming!!
(I didn't say the answers aren't there - I said they won't be forthcoming)
(I didn't say the answers aren't there - I said they won't be forthcoming)
Maybe this is akin to the answers you all sought with the affairs that werent available....? I dont know. I certainly cant get this answer.
Me not addressing things or addressing them improperly is a recurring theme. I've got to address things to get answers. Sitting ans waiting or ignoring is not the way to go for me...I know some crap you just have to drop in order to move on....but this is something thats so ingrained in my head that I dont know what it would take to get rid of it.
Even Dee Dee didnt know how often i think about it. She knows now. I pretended to be ok with it for years.
I wish I could drop it.
Even Dee Dee didnt know how often i think about it. She knows now. I pretended to be ok with it for years.
I wish I could drop it.
You've Certainly Had Huge Challenges With Your Precious Children!! And I'm Sorry You've Had That To Contend With. Would Their Medical Treatments Have Been Different Had You Known Their Genetics?
I'm not being Insensitive here as Regards Brice - Just the Opposite, in fact, but still Suggesting that since He could not Learn what He Wanted to know then it's Very Sad He would feel "bad" for 36 Years !! about Things He has NO Control of.
This Forum is Big on "Just Letting The Whole Thing Go" & it seems that "method" would Apply to Other Things In Life As Well
Regards,
TTinKK
I'm not being Insensitive here as Regards Brice - Just the Opposite, in fact, but still Suggesting that since He could not Learn what He Wanted to know then it's Very Sad He would feel "bad" for 36 Years !! about Things He has NO Control of.
This Forum is Big on "Just Letting The Whole Thing Go" & it seems that "method" would Apply to Other Things In Life As Well
Regards,
TTinKK
I can understand where Brice is coming from , My dad was adopted and so was my husband, ( we adopted our eldest but we know all about his parents). Our daughter has an immune disorder along the lines of lupus. It has not been definitely diagnoised. What ever it is systemic. Our second son was very ill as a child. The doctors thought it was CF, he had to be tested 2x ( as was our daughter) it was negative but he and our youngest son both have asthma, and our youngest has a high functioning form of Autism. Now we have not information on my dad's side of the family or my husbands. It is pretty scarey. We had to take our daughter in for gentic testing. It was very expensive. It would be nice to know what may be in our history. We did get some information from my dad's side and his father moved here from scottland ( high rate of specific gentic disorders) and his mother had a hear condition and died of COPD. We know my husbands mother was born and raised in Korea and his dad was an Italian AMerican. So I sympothize with Brice. Now, when our son was 18 he met his biological father, ( met his mom before that) his father acted all nice but when Joey was home on leave and went to visit him he told Joey he doubted he was his son and did not want to see him again. Joey told him, that he was never his father, maybe by birth but he lived with his real dad and is glad that we gave him a chance to make something of his life and not be a drunk like his biological parents. I know it hurt him he acted ok but talk about rejection,
Glad to know You're GrateFul for Your "real" Parents
You can know Your Genetics or Not and Things Can Happen or Not
Knowing or Not Knowing doesn't mean You (or Your Children) Will or Will Not have any Problems.
It's still Sad You carry this as a Burden for 36 YEARS !!
But the same can be said for the Ladies of this Forum Who "carry" what Their Spouses Did as Their Burden as if They had Control/Responsibility for Hubby's choice.
That's sad too.
You can know Your Genetics or Not and Things Can Happen or Not
Knowing or Not Knowing doesn't mean You (or Your Children) Will or Will Not have any Problems.
It's still Sad You carry this as a Burden for 36 YEARS !!
But the same can be said for the Ladies of this Forum Who "carry" what Their Spouses Did as Their Burden as if They had Control/Responsibility for Hubby's choice.
That's sad too.
I think I understand the meat of the above post, and I appreciate your kind words. It's nice to know that someone on the outside can see and appreciate my efforts, and I do owe all of that and then some to my wife. Cheating 1 time was 1 time too many and I learned my lesson. It will not happen again. I will not put myself in a position where it can happen again. I learned my boundaries and dont care to even get close to those lines again.
In regards to my being adopted and your thoughts and feelings towards that, you are entitled to your opinion. In reality, this is a big issue to me! I know that we are a product of our environment, but thats not all true. 50% of that is genetics, and I have no idea where that came from.
I am only 43 years old and have known that I have been adopted since the age of 7. I can tell you without a doubt that rarely a day goes by that I dont think about that fact
for the last 36 years. I am greatful for the only people I know as parents, truly greatful. I've had love and opportunity, and was always fed, clothed and housed. But I only know 50% of who I am. I've got no idea of genetic disorders. I don't care why I was relinquished at birth, honestly.
One of my kids has a seisure disorder. I dont know if thats genetic. That bothers me. What else may be coming down the line? That bothers me. I don't expect everyone to understand what I feel. I hate knowing that theres others out there that feel the same thing I do. This may all seem like a non-issue to some, but they aren't me. Nobody knows how I feel about this.
Anyhow, thanks for the kind words and the acknowledgement. I am working my tail off for my marriage. I know its worth saving, and I know that Dee Dee is the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I think she gets that too, and we have work in front of us. The good news is, we both have good work ethic and we are both kind of bull headed. WE are both focused on the same outcome, so chances are that we will succeed.
Thanks again,
brice
In regards to my being adopted and your thoughts and feelings towards that, you are entitled to your opinion. In reality, this is a big issue to me! I know that we are a product of our environment, but thats not all true. 50% of that is genetics, and I have no idea where that came from.
I am only 43 years old and have known that I have been adopted since the age of 7. I can tell you without a doubt that rarely a day goes by that I dont think about that fact
for the last 36 years. I am greatful for the only people I know as parents, truly greatful. I've had love and opportunity, and was always fed, clothed and housed. But I only know 50% of who I am. I've got no idea of genetic disorders. I don't care why I was relinquished at birth, honestly.
One of my kids has a seisure disorder. I dont know if thats genetic. That bothers me. What else may be coming down the line? That bothers me. I don't expect everyone to understand what I feel. I hate knowing that theres others out there that feel the same thing I do. This may all seem like a non-issue to some, but they aren't me. Nobody knows how I feel about this.
Anyhow, thanks for the kind words and the acknowledgement. I am working my tail off for my marriage. I know its worth saving, and I know that Dee Dee is the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I think she gets that too, and we have work in front of us. The good news is, we both have good work ethic and we are both kind of bull headed. WE are both focused on the same outcome, so chances are that we will succeed.
Thanks again,
brice
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