First you need to know is that you both are great mothers =) Secondly am sure your children loves you both.
Gettin angry over small things & being voilent is not any illness so dont worry you can solve this thing.
I hope your children are not stubborn, usually kids get angry because they're rufused to give somethin they want & they adopt this habbit when they notice gettin angry & voilent solves things for them. Be a bit strict with them, talk to them, but dont make them hate you for eg. dont ever give examples of other children or siblings which parents usually do & children hate this.
My cousins daughter is also a very angry child & this started when she was only 2 years old she use to get upset when someone use to talk to her or hold her. Now she is 6 she gets angry over so small things & hits his elder brother. Her mother has simply told her 6 year old to keep her anger inside her room so she goes in her room cries all she wants & comes out perfectly fine after few mins bcos she knows no-one is listenin to me so its useless. But I dont know if this is the case with every child some may think their parents are neglectin them.
Both of your children are very young & am happy you are concerned. I hope they'll be fine within time. Tell your children to talk to them when they are angry if the problem is really a problem talk more if its somethin pointless & the child is makin an issue just tell them its unfair, at least they'll see that you've tried talkin & you take it seriously when theres really some serious problem.
Children are very wise they know parents love them they just sometimes try to get advantages of that love & they very well know when they're wrong. All the best mommies =)
Fariha from Pakistan.
I have 2 sons 7 and 5. My oldest from the start was the easiest baby to take care of. He was rolling by 3 wks; off a bottle at 10 months; potty trained by 1 1/2; and he also has little things he does like at 1yr old lining up every car he had into a perfect row from biggest to smallest. My 2nd son came out crying and never stopped but he too did all the same things his brother did as far as getting off the bottle and potty training (not the car thing...lol). As years went by I noticed my oldest son began developing lil ticks like moving his fingers in ways that it appeared as though he was counting them and my youngest son was intensely violent when angry (like to the point of picking up things to jab or hit others with). After taking them to doctors because of fears for them for different reasons I found that my oldest has a mild case of Asperger's syndrome and my youngest was diagnosed with ADHD and an aggression disorder.
The doc and I agreed to leave my oldest son's disorder alone unless it gets in the way of his learning because atm he is super smart. He just got out of 1st grade with straight A's all year and is already reading on a 4th grade lvl as well as already starting multiplications. There is even talk of moving him up some grades and with his size (7yrs old and looks to be 10) and maturity it would probably benefit him since he only interacts with children older than him anyway.
My youngest starts kindergarten this year and we are already prepared for the onslaught of phone calls. Maybe not at first but once he gets to know everyone...it will happen because his temper goes from non-existent in one instance to full blown rage the next. We have him on medication and in counseling and hope to find a happy medium soon.
I found out that genetics play a big part in the things I am going through now especially since we have autism (Asperger's syndrome is on the autistic scale but not autism itself), ADHD, bipolor disorder and many other issues in both mine and the father's family. I was also told that these can get better or worse at puberty so I am praying better! Have you had your child checked for any type of affliction that could cause this? Sometimes ADHD in children has conveyed the extreme violent tantrums and calm down significantly with medication. Good luck and I hope you find the answer that will help you.
I forgot to include that my 2nd son in super smart as well but getting him to sit down to do the work to learn is very hard...lol.