Ok, here goes.
Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.
So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?