If this started when you started this abnormal, for you, sexual pattern, it could just be that having so much sex under so much pressure is, shall we say, rubbing you the wrong way. If you're having a lot of sex in a short amount of time it could just be getting rubbed tender. Same could be happening to her vagina. I'm a bit confused about the hand stimulation, though. A lot of people enjoy foreplay before intercourse, so that's a pretty common thing. My own take would be, let nature take its course unless your wife is up against her biological clock. If you just have unprotected sex the way you've always had protected sex when you weren't trying to have a child eventually your wife will get pregnant anyway, no matter where she is in her cycle as long as it's not during her period. If it's been six months of unprotected heavy sex, it's time for both of you to get checked out by a medical professional to see if there is a fertility issue, just to make sure. I wouldn't want to strain your marriage by forcing sex. The only time to force sex is when life is such either due to physiological problems or just too busy that it's the only way to assure there's still intimacy in the relationship. As long as you don't find any fertility problems, keep it normal, and keep it sexy. Peace.
Alright, well, I guess we can rule out herpes if you are in a faithful, monogamous relationship. So, the other thing that comes to mind is balanitis. This can have these symptoms although sometimes it also itches. Or a friction burn is another possibility. Balanitis is a hygiene issue usually and is treated with steroid cream or antifungal cream. I'd get yourself checked with your doctor if it lingers. Usually not hard to treat if this is the issue. https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/red-spot-on-penis#balanitis