You don't say how old you are, which is important. Childhood emotional situations are not the same as adult ones and what one needs to do in situations therefore differs as well. If you were an adult, I'd say it's time to give your cat to someone else for now and see a therapist to figure out what's going on and form a plan to deal with it. If you're a child, you need to speak to a school counselor and your parents. You also don't say exactly what's going on with your family. Life throws difficult things at everyone, but not everyone reacts to them with anxiety or out of control emotions. But almost every child does so on occasion -- they're children. So maybe something is going on with your family and maybe you're just bothered by things that happen to everyone. Without more detail we can't know. If you're living at home and really think your anger is rising to a degree that you're a threat to the animal or to someone else you really need to talk to someone you trust ASAP and get some help. If it was a temper tantrum, kids get those, they're kids, and your parents have the job of controlling them and teaching you that you can control them. If that isn't happening, you may need to see a professional therapist for that help. If you tell us more about your age and what's going on and your living situation, we can be of more help. I once acted out on my dog when I was a little kid, but I never did it again to anyone or any animal and I'm old now so it didn't become a part of who I became. Kids do some pretty cruel stuff and then they grow up and either do even more cruel stuff or they stop doing cruel stuff, but in general, people aren't the kindest creatures on the planet. I hope you decide it's better to be nice if this isn't an illness, and if it's an illness, I hope you recognize it as such and seek help.
Welcome to MedHelp's forums. We are sorry you are feeling this level of anger and do encourage you to get help with it. At this time, it would be best to allow someone else to care for your kitten for its safety.
Anger is a normal emotion but can be destructive when expressed in inappropriate ways. Here is some information from Mayo Clinic with regards to controlling anger. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434.
It would be best to be fully honest with a doctor and or therapist for your safety and that of others. Please let us know how we can help.
When I was 18 my bf had a dog that drove me absolutely crazy. I just wanted to kick it whenever it came near me. I realized that these feelings were not normal because I loved animals! So, I told him to keep the dog away from me and out of my apartment because seriously I was afraid I'd hurt the poor little thing someday. I also realized that I was super, super ANGRY at by bf and my life situation. And none of this anger had anything to do with the dog. It was me and my pent up anger.
You got a kitten hoping it would relax, calm, and offer you love. I'm so proud of you for admitting what happened. To this day I still feel ashamed at the raging feelings I had whenever I saw that poor little dog. My issues had nothing to do with the dog!
Like me, you are taking responsibility for your feelings and that's a very good thing. The solution, unfortunately, is for you to give the kitten up. Kittens are not easy to take care of. You need to focus on taking care of YOU. So take it to a nearest shelter and feel no guilt about doing so. The kitten will be adopted out again and be ok. Don't worry about that. Know that you're doing the right thing by giving it a safer place to thrive.
You need time to work on yourself and in identifying what's making you enraged and angry. If possible, please make an appointment to see your doctor and ask for a referral to a professional therapist. Therapy actually does a person a lot of good! Once I broke up with that idiot boyfriend of mine (he was a real jerk and had no business owning a dog), got a new job, and moved to a new place things started going better for me. There is no instant fix, but you so sound like a caring, intelligent, smart person and I'm sure you'll gete the life you deserve if you just take care of yourself (you and you alone).
I've cared for two cats since then (adopted them at the age of 1 - no kittens for me lol) and given them super cool homes. I've also cared for a dog (my amazing husband's dog). So, I know what is going on in your life is only temporary, but it's best to give the kitten up for now until you feel strong again.