About 2 months ago, I discovered that my wife had an affair during a recent visit to her home country. After discovering this, I went ballistic on her, of course. A week or so after the discovery, I agreed to try to forgive her, so long as she went to counseling on her own, and couples counseling with me.
My wife's emotional state went downhill very quickly. The significance of what she has done has hit her, hard, and she's fallen into a depression. Not a surprise, to me, as she's a sensitive person, if selfish, and she's mortified at what happened. I'm still very, very angry, and lost, myself, so I understand that she's an emotional disaster.
Her therapist has strongly suggested against going to couples counseling until my wife can come to the root of why she cheated, and deal with her other emotional baggage. I understand this, I suppose, as these are things that would prevent her from giving 100% effort at couples counseling, and she knows that if I feel that she isn't trying very hard, I'll leave.
I'm trying to be supportive without coddling her. She broke her vows, and it wasn't my fault, after all. I didn't do anything wrong. Any mistakes made were made by us together in our marriage. I can't help feel that I have to backburner my own pain, and bottle up my anger, which isn't a good thing.
Anyone out there dealing with a depressed spouse? How do you be supportive without enabling them?