Avatar universal

I am an adult victim, looking for other victims of Munchausen by Proxy...

(now called Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another or sometimes Medical Absuse). Though it started when I was a toddler, it carried on into adulthood and has disabled me. I am looking for other victims or proxies to talk to.
I wrote this as part of a comment on a related post, and to give you a bit of detail of what my life is like still to this day, I have just copied and pasted it to save time.

I am trapped. I've told multiple doctors what I suspect (I know not suspect, but doctors don't want to hear this) is causing my detioration and why I've been undiagnosable and ill on and off my entire life, and the most I got was "well, testing for that is pretty expensive" to which all I could really say was "Oh... Really?" With a look of utter defeat. Wtf??? I imagine he thinks I have Munchausen Syndrome and that my claiming to be a proxy for someone who truly has Munchausen by proxy, was part of my fabrication for testing and attention. I didn't figure that out til later though. I left with an order for an MRI for my back which is obviously messed up, and the primary reason for my visit and nothing else said about the rest of my problems. I only told him what i thought because I was afraid I was dying. I had lost 35 pounds in about a month and hadn't been able to gain ot back,though I'd been trying for about two years. I am 5"9" and weighed only 102lbs when I went to see him. He seemed caring, more than most doctors anyway. I figured if he didn't believe me, he might put me on a psych hold. I was fine with that. Because if they dig, just a little, I know they will uncover the truth. My family doctor died when I was 11 and my mother wouldn't get me another. She just started taking me to urgent care for everything. She insisted I had asthma. I didn't. I don't. If doctors weren't too afraid to find out the ugly truth in situations like these, maybe I wouldn't still be trapped. Maybe I would be healthy. The evidence was there. Why did they look the other direction? My entire working life (I started working at McDonald's at 14 because I thought if I started asap I could move out as soon as I was of age and get away from the abuse), every time I would start to save money, or even just get recognition at work for being good at things, I would get really sick. Too sick to work. I would work through it as long as i could, but eventually I would either get fired for calling in or I would simply be too sick and would have to quit.When When I did move out, she would always have a key to my house and she'd send me care packages of food, and when I moved out of state, she would drive four hours each way at least once a month. If i didn't answer my phone when she called (and she called anywhere between five to 25+ times a day, the five call days were days I obediently picked the phone up on the dirst ring and conversated properly the first five times AND she was having a busy or good day), I ran the risk she would just show up. When I moved three states away, she flew up at least every few months and the incessant calling increased. She would send "care packages" full of food and goodies. Each time, I ended up being unable to hold a job due to illness. I am didn't figure out what she was doing until my mid thirties. When you live your whole life being abused, you don't reallh know it's happening. You don't know it's abuse anyway. And when eating has made you sick since you were tiny, you don't really put things like that together. You don't think, "Oh, every time I get sick I've recently eaten mom's cooking," especially when you're a child. Then by the time you're an adult your body is so messed up from whatever was in the food (all signs point to heavy metals, which are still used today in the US, in pesticides you by at any grocery) that you're symptomatic all of the time, making it near impossible to nail down what is wrong. All the while, good ol' overly involved but probably just caring Mom, is by my side. Taking me to the ER or urgent care for my myriad of issues from something resembling Strep throat with the white crap in the throat and all, but sins any strep on the culture (or anything else for that matter) to Mono to severe respiratory distress. And if she was causing all this, certainly she wouldn't be forking out all the cash and standing by my side so supportively, right? Wrong!!! That's all part of the illness and of course, not getting caught. It took her nearly killing me and my significant other for me to realize what she had been doing to me my entire life. Anyhow, I really didn't plan on writi g so much, but the other responses were just so painfully naive, or maybe ignorant, I felt compelled to describe how this happens. We want to make a change. This is happening to me which means it is happening to others as well. I believe part of the problem is the idea that some of these people have which is that since Munchausen by Proxy, or as it is now called, Factitious Disorder Opposed on Another, is a solely a mental health issue so other physicians don't know or don't need to know much about it. That is wrong and it needs to change. The name change is a start. "Imposed on Another" is tbe part we need to pay attentuon to. The person who is I'll is NOT going to seek help. What they are doing is CRIMINAL and also incredibly taboo or frowned upon by society. That's why the proxy is the only way they're going to be able to find these people out. It crosses the line into the general practitioners area because these people PHYSICALLY DAMAGE their victims. The way things are currently, these cases don't get found out until someone dies. It almost took that for me and I'm still in danger now. If I live through this I want to make a difference. If she kills me, maybe my case will be the one that changes things. I don't want that. I want to live and I want to found a non-profit to help people in situations like mine. There's no woman's shelter where I live unless you're a victim of domestic violence. I explained that I am a victim of domestic violence, explaining the situation in further detail, and I was interuppted to be told that what I am experiencing is in fact not domestic violence, that domestic violence is when it's a romantic partner. Wrong again. If you read this, thank you. I am grateful. Even if you don't believe it. I think k that's the other issue. People don't want to believe this happens. A mother hurting her child. And in such a way. I'm ready to make people look. I would really like to talk to anyone else who has gone through something similar or who is still. I will keep checking back. For safety reasons  It's a very isolating thing to go through (not to mention the isolation caused by the abuser intentionally to cut you off from the rest of the world, including the rest of your family).  Alright, concluding has never been my forte. Thanks for reading. Nhazon, I hope we can chat.
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
My mom has this. Took me 53 yrs. to figure this out. The way she treated me, my stepdad that died under her care & now a new ill husband. Money, it's always been about money for her. Luckily I moved states away decades ago.
Helpful - 0
Hello. Gosh, that's a lot. She did this to get money? What kinds of things did she do to you? That's a lot to deal with
973741 tn?1342342773
Wow!  Has  your parent ever acknowledged any of this?  It sounds wholeheartedly like child abuse!
Helpful - 0
15695260 tn?1549593113
I'm sure this was very traumatizing to you.  We're sure sorry about that.  I hope that you get others to talk to about it.  Others also may not have been through the same thing exactly but understand trauma and how that can impact us in our later years so perhaps they can share and empathize in that way too.  And if anyone has any questions about this disorder, you sound very knowledgeable and perhaps you could answer any questions about it.  We wish you the best.  
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Mental Health Issues Community

Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Can depression and anxiety cause heart disease? Get the facts in this Missouri Medicine report.
Simple, drug-free tips to banish the blues.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Are there grounds to recommend coffee consumption? Recent studies perk interest.
For many, mental health care is prohibitively expensive. Dr. Rebecca Resnik provides a guide on how to find free or reduced-fee treatment in your area