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I speak all of my thoughts out loud. What is this condition?

Health information- I am a smoker. 22F. Err.. Done a lot of drugs.

Even as I write this out now I'm speaking the whole thing out loud.

Yup. It's about as straight forward as the title says. Actually not really, here's the bit that may confuse you further- I am completely deaf to my own voice. I can't feel my lips moving when I do it.

Not surprisingly I've been institutionalised like 3 times in the past year. Here's the bit that might interest you as a doctor, and I'd love to know your perspective on why this is.

All the doctors lie to me and my whole family lies to me and say I don't do it. That's right. If it weren't for the sounds of peoples voices responding to me and my hospital notes I got my hands on, I'd think maybe the doctors and my family aren't lying to me.

I've been doing it for over a year now according to my ex. For the vast majority of that year I had no clue I was doing it.

Let's not get twisted here, this ain't "thought broadcasting" I know that's the probably the first thing you went to.

Here are the only links I can find on the internet from people with the same problem.

https://www.medhelp.org/posts/Undiagnosed-Symptoms/I-unknowingly-speak-my-thoughts-out-loud/show/1146631

https://i.fluther.com/164249/speaking-your-thoughts-out-loud-without-realizing-it-what-is-this/

One theory I have is that it started after a bad acid trip where I just never really went back to normal. The one thing the doctors DO tell me is to stay the **** away from drugs, which I now adhere to.

I just want to know what's actually wrong with me, and if I'll ever go back to normal.

So that brings me here.
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134578 tn?1693250592
If you want to assess whether you are actually speaking out loud or not, (whether people are lying to you when they say your are not), just get a cheap tape recorder or put your phone on record, and have it run near you when you're thinking.
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Also, if you are saying things in a logical stream (such as the fact that as you were writing this post, you said it out loud), that's apparently less of an issue than if your remarks are random or jumbled and you're walking around muttering them. Here's an article about narrating one's thoughts out loud that makes it sound kind of normal. It also points out that some of this can indeed come from prior drug use. Maybe as you recover from having used, the tendency to talk out loud a lot will fade.
https://www.webmd.com/balance/why-people-talk-to-themselves
Oh here's the kicker for you. I've seen a video of myself doing it and heard my voice. I'm practically yelling my thoughts out loud! But if I record myself on voice recorder on my phone? Can't hear it. I conducted an experiment with a guy in the psych ward where I got him to record me speaking normally, then thinking, then speaking normally. And again, all I heard was silence in the middle. Then I asked him and he said he could hear 'plenty of stuff' where I heard silence.
Was the guy a fellow patient or a doctor? Have you ever tried this kind of experiment with a doctor? It seems like if you can't hear yourself on audio but others can, but you *can* hear yourself if it's a video and not just an audio recording, the psychiatrist that you see (I assume you have one?) should see that demonstrated.
Just to clarify, I said acid doesn't cause brain damage, not that it does.  PTSD-like experience isn't brain damage, it's a mental disorder that can be treated.  I also didn't say the acid was fake, I said it probably had things in addition to LSD in it that made it harder for you to talk yourself down from it.  This info comes from labs that were created in the hippie days that you could send your drugs to and they would tell you if they were pure or not.  LSD stopped being pure a very long time ago.  As I recall, Mescaline was never Mescaline, it was almost always LSD with other things added.  And so on.  In a world where making money rules, people will do whatever it takes to maximize that.  So to get pure LSD, you pretty much have to see a psychiatrist who makes it and uses it in their practice, and there aren't many of them around anymore.  Mostly they're now using mushrooms for that.  In your case, I can't possibly know exactly what happened, but I'm guessing more than one thing led to your problems.  The acid experience didn't help any.  The talking to yourself thing I don't really understand, because you say some hear it and some don't, that it comes out on video but not on tape, and that makes no sense, so it's very possible you have a psychotic illness that is causing you to function like this.  If that's the case, you will need medication.  You don't need to cut your tongue out, as I said, lots of us talk to ourselves.  It's when it bothers you the this point that it becomes a problem, and that's caused by how you think about it.  If it were really weird, people who know you would be mentioning it.  What you do need is a good psychologist and a good psychiatrist at this point as an outpatient, where you can spend some time with them.  Again, I hope you find your way back.  Peace.
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I'm sorry, but there are actually no doctors on this website.  Once upon a time there were, but not for a long time.  Just folks who take an interest or have experiences and want to help.  I have no idea why anyone would lie to you about it.  That's a pretty vast conspiracy you're talking about.  But I'm not there, so I can't know.  If you've ended up in mental hospitals something pretty miserable is going on with you.  I'm not sure bad acid trips cause problems per se unless you take a whole lot of it at one time or take several different types of drugs in the same day.  The big problem is that acid isn't acid anymore, it's a mixture of stuff some of which is probably LSD but much of what is speed and other things to cut it with that are less expensive and make it go farther for the seller.  In the earliest days of using LSD, and in its continued use in medical settings by a few psychiatrists, it was pure and didn't really cause problems.  I never took it but I was a young man in that time and it wasn't until it became more popular that the LSD began to be mixed with speed, and that prevents you from talking yourself down and keeps you stoned for a long time.  That can be very scary.  But it's more of a PTSD type reaction than your brain being permanently damaged most likely, and so you can get over it with the exception, as I said, of some who took a whole lot of it at one time or mixed it with a lot of other drugs.  I did know a couple of people who did this and they did get long-term problems.  Also, there is no normal.  Some very "normal" people talk to themselves.  I have done it most of my life when thinking, especially when I'm writing fiction or working out a problem.  If you're doing it all the time, I can see how that would be disturbing to those around you, but if they're saying you're not doing it, maybe you're not.  Again, don't know.  You're there, nobody else is.  I would try to focus more, though, not on that but on the thoughts you're having that make you unhappy.  If you can learn not to do that through therapy and, if necessary, medication, you might get past this.  None of us knows the future, but you're young and adaptable so give yourself a fighting chance and do whatever you need to do to get the help you need.  Got my fingers crossed.  Peace.
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Thank you for your kind response. Yeah what I had was DEFINITELY fake acid, it had a really strange taste to it but I only realised after taking it out from under my tongue. I will probably hate the dealer that gave it to me for the rest of my life. Especially if what you said is true and it very well could be, that the fake acid gave me PTSD and permanent brain damage. It was the worst experience, I went batshit psychotic and thought I was the real life 'Joker' (I was a joke to everyone in my life and everyone was laughing at me, not with me. If you've seen the most recent Joker movie you'll understand how that mixed poorly with fake acid.) All I remember was simultaneously laughing and crying uncontrollably. Shortly afterwards I had a stroke so who knows, could've started then.

I am struggling more than ever with intrusive thoughts in my life. Yep. Imagine those nasty thoughts you get where you think 'God that's terrible, why am I thinking that?' and then knowing you said it allll out loud to boot.

I simply don't know what to do anymore. Today I'm going to make some phone calls to plastic surgeons to see if any of them will remove my tongue. I don't know how to live with this. I simply can't keep doing it. It's making me incredibly suicidal.

I miss being me. That's all I can say.
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