Why is there no community for Borderline Personality Disorder

[LilMissBianca]

I have BPD and it controls most of my life, the way I think, managing day to day not well, self-harm thoughts and behaviors and suicidal ideation on an almost regular basis.  I know there are others with this diagnoses among other diagnoses with it, but I feel very alone in this disorder, that I have no one to talk to because I have trouble reaching out.  People say, message me, but they aren't understanding that I cannot do that even when I specify that I can't.  It is fear that stops me from reaching out.  I have been told by professionals that I am difficult and my problems are too complex.  No one wants to deal with me and I don't want to burden others.  It has gone so far that once I had taken an overdose, the ER doctor actually told me how to successfully kill myself.  I know the stigma around BPD is very bad and I have seen and felt it for the most of my life.  Is anybody out there?

[artemesia2]

Unless a borderline  community is created on medhelp my suggestion is to find MH forums that deal with any one of your symptoms.  For example a forum on mood disorders.

[LilMissBianca]

Thank you, I will look that up, everything is pretty much online right now because of Covid, I will look though

[artemesia2]

Hi Lil MissBianca:  You are very welcome.   Sounds like you like my idea.  I hope my suggestion is helpful to you.

[Paxiled]

Although there might not be a specific community for this on this particular site, it does have a host of other forums for mental illness and all of us with any form of mental illness have a lot of the same experiences, so you don't have to wait for one to be created.  This forum is fine for those of us who participate on here.  If you don't find that we can be of any help because none of us have this particular diagnosis, I'm sure there are organizations that can direct you to a website that focuses on it.  The internet has something for every disease.  But even with this disorder you would share a lot with those suffering from anxiety and depression.  The diagnostic manuals are full of different disorders nowadays, which is sometimes a good thing and sometimes not so good, but again, the symptoms you're having are shared by many who have been diagnosed with depression or anxiety.  When it's bad, it's bad, and it affects how we see ourselves and causes all manner of dysfunction in our relationships and lives.  It just depends on how bad it is and whether we're receiving treatment for it and whether we're seeing the right people for that treatment and whether it works for us or not, as mental illness does not have a great track record of successful treatment which puts a lot of burden on us to keep seeking different professionals if the ones we're seeing aren't helping us.  That's hard, as we are trying to avoid things.  But it is what has to be done if one can do it.  Also, everyone suffering mental illness has a stigma.  That's been true for all of recorded history, and as bad as it is, we are living in the best time in history to have mental illness because the stigma is much less than it once was when everything was seen through the prism of superstition and religion.  So everyone on here can relate even if we don't have the same diagnoses.  I will say one thing -- the word can't is often used by the mentally ill, including me, but it's never true.  You can message people.  You may choose not to, but you objectively can.  If you can find a therapist who you bond with you can learn, without any guarantee, not to think in terms of can't.  Many of us never get there, but again, objectively, you can.  If we could all believe that we'd have fewer problems.  If you are a difficult patient, it is going to be hard to get help.  You have to do most of the work.  But sometimes it's just that therapy and medication doesn't work well until we find just the right fit.  We all feel alone with our mental illness because nobody else can truly step into our brains, not even others with mental illness, but we can try.  Peace.

[LilMissBianca]

I realize that there are many different communities here, and I get what you are saying, but only someone with BPD can truly understand someone else who has BPD even the we are all unique in how our mental health affects us, there are certain traits that people with BPD have.  I am already on a whole bunch of medications that have been changed, increased or decreased to help with my depression and anxiety. As for a therapist, well, I just lost a really good one as she went on Mat leave and am just starting with a different therapist, learning about each other and building trust, which is huge.  I am in a 2 year therapy progam 1x/week but that 2 years is up in 6 months, then where do I go from there?  I know I need to do the hard work and I am working really hard, I just fall down from exhaustion from doing the hard work.  Not saying I haven't made progress, it is slow and will take a long time.  It took me 54 years being in abusive situations and relationships, which I am not in any now, which has helped me to be able to do the hard work.  I don't think I am a difficult patient, I do have really complex problems from a lifetime of abuse.  I am still asking the question as to why pretty much every other mental health disorder has a community here where there is no BPD community.  Why is BPD singled out? That makes it even lonelier and stigmatized. At least it does to me.

[Paxiled]

I'm wondering, is that an insurance thing, the 2 years?  Therapy takes as long as it takes.  For some it's a few weeks and for others it's a lifetime.  I don't get the arbitrary deadline as far as you getting the help you may need all your life.  I'm not a MedHelp employee, so can't help you there, but do keep in mind that most of the forums on this site don't get a lot of traffic other than the HIV ones.  It's not Facebook, thank God.  I'm just suggesting that if you need support, that is something anyone suffering from mental illness of any kind can offer.  If you look up PTSD and depression you'll find every one of the symptoms that present as the disorder you have been diagnosed with.  Again, the diagnostic manual is more for insurance and mediation purposes than it is how we truly experience this stuff, as you are right, we are all individuals with our own personalities.  But if you do want specificity and this site doesn't offer that, again, the internet is packed with websites devoted solely to pretty much every disease and disorder people get.  Peace.

[Paxiled]

Oops, typed mediation, meant medication.

[LilMissBianca]

No, this therapy isn't an insurance thing, it is the only center where I live with therapists specialize in childhood sexual abuse.  It used to be a 3 year therapy program, but now they have made it only a two year program because the demand for these therapists are so high.  I was in the 3 year program, finished it, but still need a lot of help so I went on the waiting list to get back in and I waited a long 3 years and right now I only have 6 months left of the 2 years.  I totally agree with you about the timeline for the need for therapy, either short term or long term or a lifetime.  For me it feels like a lifetime, all my life I have had traumatic experiences and only now since I am not in a relationship with a male, am I able to start working on my issues.  I am not saying all males are abusive or mean, I know that there are decent men out there, just to be clear that I am not being judgmental towards the male population, just the ones I have been with and not being judgmental, they hurt me big time.

[Paxiled]

I would suggest, given the artificial limitations of a place that sounds like a really great place for you because most therapists don't necessarily specialize in what we are suffering from and I know for me that led to a lot of wasted time, but perhaps seeing any therapist would be helpful for you just for the support and this place when you can get in for the best treatment.  I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience, I've had some pretty bad ones with women who were quite cruel as well.  People can be awful and they can be great, too.  I hope for you from now on they are all great.  All the best.

[Sara_MHModerator]

Hello and thanks for the question.  I will pass this suggestion along to the Community Manager of the site. We want you to get support and I'm sure it would be nice to talk to others who also have borderline personality.  I do want to add that it is unethical for a health care provider to instruct a suicidal patient on how to complete death.  We're sorry that happened to you.  Every person is of value and every person should be treated with compassion.  

[LilMissBianca]

Thank you, someone is finally listening to me, thank you