I will not go outside unless there is something that I must do. When I go anywhere and have to stay, I usually sit next to the nearest exit or window. If I stay or go anywhere I have already created a path to get out in a hurry should something happens. In any new place as soon as I arrive I have a plan in my head what steps I need to take, what I need to grab as I'm leaving. I do not go to crowded places that block exits for me either. Call me crazy but I have done this since I have been little it has gotten worse lately. I wasn't aware of the word agoraphobia until a month or so ago. I really didn't think anything was wrong with what I was doing and that it is actually a phobia! I have lived like this for years. Go figure.
I have the same exact fear of throwing up, or getting sick in public places! You are not alone and you are not crazy! It's just a phobia/anxiety and a "irrational" fear we live with. Every time I have to talk in front of people I almost have a panic attack and think I'm going to vomit or **** myself. It's the fear of embarrassment. My therapist says it's from trauma as a child , that we just started working on dealing with. I take pepto and emitrol everytime I'm in these situations. I carry a plastic bag with me and extra pair of pants (which I have never had to use) but it's a comfort to know I have it. YOUR NOT SELFISH!! YOUR NOT ALONE!! Have you spoke with a doc??
Oh God, this has been me since high school with the fear of gagging/throwing up. It has literally ruined my entire adult life as I had to drop out of school and couldn't work outside of the home ever again because it was so bad. SOmetimes even going out with friends or family is impossible; like it's a fun outing, nothing is going wrong, but I'll still get the stupid gagging and feel like I need to get home immediately.
NO ONE understands; my sister has anxiety too but not the gagging thing so she's always bullying me, telling me how she gets over hers and that I can too - but the fear of vomiting is just too strong, I can rarely go anywhere anymore.
My bf doesn't get it; he'll support me and always take me home if I need to but I don't think he agrees with it or understands. Nobody does. I definitely feel somewhat agoraphobic and I go out less and less and less.
It used to be that I'd make certain to go out for at least an hour a day, walking or window shopping. Now it's starting to get that I don't go out for days - but staying in also makes me feel worse, and crazy.
It's agonizing. I'm so glad to see I'm not alone in this. I know people are going to try to tell me to take meds or go see a counselor or doc - I've done EVERYTHING okay, over the past fifteen years. NOTHING has worked, not the yoga or relaxation practises. Nothing.
I think mostly I just need friends who go through the same thing so I can find support from them - it's killing me, especially the depression and loneliness that accompanies this.