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Avatar universal

new boyfriend or love interest


I have a current love interest that I have met ont the internet. I am usually very discerning and usually meet only very nice men, but this man is concerning me. The problem is I really like him and am afraid he might have some serious problems and I have never been involved with someone with any disturbing  problems in my life. I would like to know if the people on this board consider what I am about to say as a warning of serious problems for us to come. He seems very interested in me and me in him.

He is a former ex Green Beret, 60 yrs.old, good looking and has a successful career. He is under a lot of stress and complains about things quite a bit. He has a brain damaged brother that he has taken care of in a nursing home or his home at times most of his brother's life. His brother is causing problems at the nursing home right now and there is a chance he might be kicked out. Right now his brother is in the hospital because his colon was removed last year and has an infection throughout his body. He is the only sibling and his parents are deceased.

He has a single daughter that seems to have a lot of problems. She is 37 and says that she thinks she is mentally ill(her psychiatrists say bi-polar but she won't let him(her dad) talk to her health care professionals to confirm the diagnosis.) He thinks she is just using this to get prescription drugs.. she used to use street drugs.

He has several failed marriages he is not proud of. I don't believe he cheated. On top of this he seems to drink more than what I would consider normal. He admits to drinking 3-9 beers a day. He functions great at his job, but his personal life is obviously a mess and he doesn't seem to be able to handle the stresses in his life without letting it show badly. He has been very hot and heavy with me and then when things get stressful he backs off a lot. Last nite he called at 9:30 pm, I was out, and he left a message. He then called at 1:30 am, said he couldn't sleep, and that he would like to "pop" someone. That someone being "AL Queda's no.2 man. He has said he would love to be back  in the Green Berets on several occasions and do some of the work that needs to be done.

I take that desire to "pop" someone to be due to the stresses and unhappiness that he has in his life that he doesn't seem to be able to get a handle on. I am thinking that is why he drinks also. He can't help the situation with his brother, he was brain damaged at birth and he says he doesn't expect much of his daughter either. He says she keeps trying to "milk" the situation (him) and at 37 he thinks she isn't going to change.

How do I help this man or can I? I really, really like him. He is super intelligent, has a great personality and our personalites and chemistry mesh very well.  Plus we want the same things out of life and are both in good financial positions.  I have never been involved with someone who has serious problems before, but do not want to give up on him. Do these problems seem extremely serious to you?  Should I just be patient and listen? I am not sure he is willing to go to counseling or that he would think that counseling could help with problems like his brother or daughter.

I also thought the fact that he is a former Green Beret doesn't help the matter, being he was once a "hired" killer for the US Army.
2 Responses
Avatar universal
I really don't know how to address this.  I'd say off the bat, you have to go with your gut instinct.  If your gut is telling you to beware, it is worth re-evaluating.  Now, about him being a Green Beret and a "hired" killer.... that doesn't mean anything to me, personally. (A buddy of mine is a "type A" personality.  He is a former navy seal, totally gun ho.... but the biggest softy out there.  He loves his wife more than anything.) What you need to look at is his character.  In his previous relationships/marriages, was there any mental/physical abuse?  If so, that is obviously a concern.

About helping him in regards to his brother and daughter.... you can help him by offering him your genuine opinion and do what is necessary with any follow through.  He has to be open to your help with this and any personal issues as well.

I would not say to give up at this point, but let this develop at a slow pace.  By doing this, you can get a better feel for everything going on.  By you re-evaluating everything, you may be able to one day talk him into seeing a therapist to address his personal issues.  The drinking is one thing, the reasons behind it another.  Both can be addressed by a professional.
Avatar universal
i think you have answered  your own questions, this man has to much bagage. and a drinking problem. I sugest listing to him but keep it on a frien basis, and Green Berets
wernt hired killers,read up on what they did in the war. Now if yuo consodwe any military
man a hired kiler then you have that right to think that.
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