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Avatar universal

why am i not capeable of loving anyone

i literally am soooo young , im 16 n i think thats too young for love anyway but i need advicee pls. im abit of a party animal n i sleep with randoms on night outs (dont judge) n thats literally all i ever wanted was one night stands , no feelings, no nothing. then i got in a semi serious relationship the kid met my family n all that but i literally didnt love him at all the whole time i was like i litro  dont like him like tha n he loved me unconditional but naaa even tho i stayed in the relationship to bare his feelings, so i just thought it was him, that was a while ago then some other lad recently i had a one night stand with him (not a 30 yr old man this time ) n in the morning acted like a couple like i do with em all in the mornings but this time when i left he found me on fb haha awks, so we been chatting and again hes fell head over heals and i literally barely remembered his name the next day . making myself sounds proper bad right now but i literally just need help. i sleep with a lot of older guys and i have a mad past where it literally shows all men are horrible nasty people who dont deserve happiness because when i say that i mean i literally know., i could walk down town and have 20 men looking at me (nonce) they wouldnt make a move tho unless i initiate it.but you know they want u,   feel like i got brainwashed im a independant woman dont need no man bla bla . but all i want is love.... any type of help will b appreiciated xxx
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Avatar universal
Enjoy your life you will meet someone you will fall in love and goes towards him just pray he will feel the seem. so don't take tension and enjoy your life you will fall for someone.
Thanks and have a great life.
Avatar universal
Not sure what you're truly asking about.  Some people like sex with strangers.  Some like it with people they have an attachment with.  Some like both.  Some like neither.  We're all pretty individual in this.  It is concerning if you're doing this at 16, though.  That's pretty young to be that sexually active with a lot of different men, but that too is very individual, our sex drives come at different ages.  I grew up in the 60's and there was a lot of casual sex going on and also a lot of very young sex going on.  Some liked being in love and some just liked the attention and some just liked the feeling.  We all grew up and got old and got married, so don't fret.  At your age, the chances of any relationship lasting all that long is pretty slim, people change fast, and if you're going through a period where you love the attention you get by someone wanting to sleep with you. you're probably not someone who would make a good partner right now, but you won't be like this forever most likely.  And as the above says, at some point, when you're older, you'll meet someone who you want to make a relationship with. In the meantime, have fun but be safe.  I don't know how in the covid era you can feel safe having sex with a lot of random people, but it's your life, not ours.  But love, it comes, and often it also goes.  Peace.
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But I will add, if you're truly just into it for the sex, let your partners know that.  Don't lead them on.  It hurts.  Peace again.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi sweetie.  So, what's your family life like?  Is your dad in the picture?  Are he and your mom close?  Sometimes, my friends who had a promiscuous past and had a hard time actually connecting in a loving way with the opposite sex had situations with their dads and their parents at home.  It's kind of a pattern.  They did counseling and turned that around.  So, I am asking just to understand if anything like that could be going on. Having a one night stand with a 30 year old is illegal.  A grown man with a teenager is very problematic.  

Another question is how is your self esteem?  Could you stand to work on that?  As in, whether you want sex or not, these men/boys are using you for sex.  It will take a hit on your pride eventually to just be a sexual conquest for the night. It does begin to chip away at you.  Your self respect probably needs to be strengthened (said with kindness and empathy).  Even if you want sex badly, no one wants to be used.  

Absolutely, I have had best friends who have been down the same path as you.  Another hard question is if you have been sexually molested.  That's another thing that this pattern emerges in teen girls from.  I'm so sad to say that.  But being molested either by an adult or even another child/peer or older child/peer leaves an impact that can result in negative patterns.  Putting a band aid on it with sex was what my friends realized they were doing.  Putting a band aid on hurt.  And after, they began to feel shame.  Shame is hard to deal with. But please know, they (and you) are just trying to do the best they can.  

Do you also drink or use drugs a bit?  This can be such a trap for kids. Lots do it (I did things I hate to admit with regards to this as a teen).  But please know it's a trap.  Try to figure out if that is the best thing for you if it also contributes to negative things and situations in your life.  

I can tell you that you deserve more than to be used.  

My friends all became more settled as they got older.  All are married and leading 'regular' lives.  One had an affair on her husband though, unfortunately.  But you will find love.  Work on patterns that aren't healthy for you though.  

I give this advice to every girl your age or young woman.  We have a limited time to set ourselves up in life. Sure, it can be done later but it is much harder.  School/education is the ticket to having more choices in our future.  You may never have to be dependent on anyone if you educate yourself and set yourself toward a career that will provide for you.  That's very freeing.  So, keep your focus on school sweetie.  I probably sound about 5,000 years old saying that.  But I promise you, that opens the most doors for you and gives you the freedom to be more in control of your life down the road.  hugs
2 Comments
I think everything above is to be considered, but Mom, females have sex drives too.  Maybe you didn't, but I knew a lot of women of this age who were quite sexually active because they liked it.  To say it's all men taking advantage is pretty old fashioned thinking, and this poster seems to be very sexual and that's okay.  Those very promiscuous young women I knew grew up to get married and have kids and careers just like everyone else.  And it's not illegal for her; it's only illegal for the person who is older.  If we put every guy who has sex with underage women in prison every guy would be in prison, because sexually active young females aren't particularly interested in awkward young guys.  Just expressing a different view of things that is less 1950s.  You may be right but it's a generalization, a lot of the time it's the guys who are being victimized because they think the woman actually likes them when it's just for the sex.  It works both ways.  Life is a human problem, not a man or woman problem.  But I do think it's good for the poster to see your opinion and think on it.  Peace.
I hope you come back and talk to us Scarlett.  I really do understand and am always happy to chat with you, hon.  You'll figure life out.  It takes work but that is universal for all of us.  hugs
Avatar universal
Fear of intimacy could be the reason, is there a point partway into any relationship where you start to experience feelings of panic and either sabotage the connection or just leave?
Love cannot develop unless we trust others enough to show them our weak side and our worries.
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