I know exactly how you feel. I went through a miscarriage last March and I felt the same way with my sister. Still to the day I have some anger towards her. She also had a miscarriage the year prior to mine so I thought that she would know what I was going through and be there for me more than she was. I also had alot of anger towards her because not even a month after my miscarriage she tells me she is pregnant and I felt so horrible I wanted to be happy for her but in the back of my mind I was still coping with my miscarriage and didn't know how to react to her and when I did react she wanted to know why I sounded upset. I was so hurt by her that to this day we are still not close the way we used to be.
There is only so much our friends and family can do for us in our grief. We have much, much more to say about it than they have the emotional bandwith to hear. (I talked to a shrink when I had my last miscarriage, figuring that at least she was paid to hear me whine and go over and over the same thing like a broken record. I was genuinely concerned with burning out all my friends.) Anyway, rather than focusing anger on your sister for her inability to make you feel better at such a time, try to focus on the fact that there is anger in the fact that you have miscarried. It helps with the grief. When I miscarried my twins, I was so unhappy that I would cry in public and all the rest. I was so grief-stricken that I almost thought I was crazy. It was not until I realized I was equally angry that it had happened (the anger hiding under the sadness), and dealt with the anger (raging at God and other methods) that the consuming cloud of sadness was able to lift too. I say this as someone who has had three miscarriages, your sister is not the issue. She can't make this better. It s u c k s and it is awful, and some of that emotional road, you have to walk alone.
One thing that did help me, odd as it sounded to me when someone first suggested it, is that we had the babies cremated. The hospital is accustomed to dealing with funeral directors for obvious reasons, and the memorial society I used was even accustomed to doing this for miscarried embryos. Like I said, it wasn't something I would have thought to do, but when we did it, I felt better, like I was at least able to do this last thing for them and take care of them in this last way. We sprinkled their ashes in the daffodils in our field, and every spring when the daffodils bloom, I think the twins are there with me.
I hope for peace for you. I hope you forgive your sister.
What you are going through right now is HARD. Your hormones are all out of whack right now. It's normal to be angry. And you just want someone to be angry at. TRY not to be too hard are her. It's going to take some time to get over this angry feeling. BUT it will pass.
Thank you all. I know I am being really hard on her and I wanted to post because I think I am crazy right now and don't want to bring this to her and damage our relationship or make her feel crappy for no reason. She already is sensing that I am off with her, and I think venting in a place without consequence will help me just maintain the relationship for now while getting through this and then if there is anything to talk about when we are in a more balanced place, do so then. I wanted to know if this kind of irrational anger is normal or if any of the hormonal changes create anger, because I am usually very good at talking myself down when I overreact, I rarely get angry and can usually let minor disappointments with people go. I just cant seem to do that right now and it is freaking me out.
You just lost a baby!!! IT'S normal girl. Trust me on that one. You're hormones are all of the place right now. Which makes dealing with the loss even worse. Just give it some time. Once you're in a better place with yourself, things will get better between you and your sister. It's NOT going to happen over night. I've been wanting to have another for a LONG time now. We just aren't ready for another one yet ( working on building a business and stuff) Then my sister tells me she's PG again. #6 for her. I was kinda crappy with her for a while too. Even though it's NOT her fault. I got over it. Just give it some time.
I could tell when the hormone load left me, I suddenly felt normal after weeks of feeling cuckoo. It will happen for you, too, you're right to sense it's the hormones.