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1481269 tn?1295603760

what's wrong with me...

I had my first miscarriage last week and its the hardest thing ive ever gone through in my life. Since my miscarriage ive been feeling really down, cant get out of bed, dont wanna eat, feel sick alot of the time, and cry myself to sleep every night. Im really weak and i cant think about anything else.

My partner who is also grieving finds it very hard to come to terms with but every time he talks to me i bite his head off or when he wants a cuddle im never in the mood.

I dont even sleep in the same bed as him anymore, im on a blow up bed on the floor. He is on about trying for another baby straight away but im just not ready yet. Im scared to get pregnant again because i dont want to lose another baby.

I havent been to doctors yet, but ive been told about d&c, and im confused. Does everyone who miscarries need to have this done?

Have i got depression? Is that why im acting like this? Im even crying while im writing this :'( im finding it so hard.
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Avatar universal
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

What you're feeling is grief and loss, totally natural and 100% understandable. There is nothing wrong with you and I'm sure most people would agree that they would be more inclined to worry about something being "wrong" with you if you weren't feeling this way. You will probably experience intense sadness, anger, confusion and any number of other emotions, no two people grieve in the same way.

Right now things are very recent and therefore very raw, once you feel capable may i suggest grief counselling, either alone or with your partner.

Also, there are boards online and also many real-life miscarriage support groups, they may be exactly what you need. People who have not gone through a miscarriage can never understand how devastating it is, a sympathetic ear from someone who has gone through it can be a wonderful thing.

I don't blame you for not wanting to try for another baby yet, it's only been a week! You need time to process this and grieve and to also come to terms with the fear of another loss. Take as long as you need to come to terms with things.

Regarding not being able to discuss this with your husband, may i suggest writing your feelings down with a brief explanation at the top of why you're doing it this way, encourage him to reply in a similar manner, being able to sit down and think about what you write so that you express yourself in the best way is often quite therapeutic and the degree of separation may make it easier to tell him things you find too hard to verbalise. If you don't wnat to talk to him that way, just get a notepad and pen and start writing for yourself, it will be hard, there's no escaping that, however getting those feelings out, even on to paper is often helpful.

As for snapping at your partner and not wanting cuddles, also more than understandable on a few levels, feelings that he "doesn't understand" as it's not his body this has happened to, fear of the closeness and physical contact which may be subconsciously linked to sex, pregnancy and ultimately the miscarriage...there are lots of reasons. However, you already know this but i'm going to say it anyway, don't shut him out where possible, he is grieving too and you both need each others support through this.

Whatever happens the main thing right now is to take care of YOU, take some time away from the world for yourself, do whatever you feel you need to or just want to.

I wish you all the best for the future.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I too had a miscarriage in July, my first pregnancy. What you are feeling is completely normal, I felt the exact same way. I slept on the couch for almost 2 weeks after mine. I wasn't in the mood for any contact from my husband either. I cried 24/7 and felt really depressed. I miscarried naturally, my doctor monitored my hcg levels until they went back to zero.

Like msfrank107 said, not knowing why this happened, and not having an explanation for it is the worst. It might not seem like it, but you will feel better. You can feel depressed without actually suffering from depression (if that makes any sense at all). Feeling depressed is a part if the miscarriage process. Its now been five months since my miscarriage. I was starting to feel much better until recently, and I've been feeling depressed again lately. I think its because we've just started trying again, and weren't successful.

If you ever need to talk about anything, you can message me.
Helpful - 0
1532937 tn?1357200393
I'm so sorry for your loss. I too recently suffered a miscarriage, and have had the exact same feelings.

I think its the not knowing why it has happened is the worst, it will obviously leave you scared to try again. And if you feel that way you should wait till your ready emotionally and physically.

Not everybody needs a D&C (I didn't) I think it has a lot to do with how far along you were, and if you were able to pass the baby naturally.

I really hope you feel better soon, and if you need to talk all of the girls on this site give good advice, and are here to talk!
Helpful - 0
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